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Typing About Mud At the End

The Sound of Typing

It’s always interesting to meet someone for the first time. There is the slight nervousness of how to present yourself, the forced grasping at straws we call conversation topics, and the buildup of sweat in the usually smellier places of your body where sweat seems to take brief vacations.

What’s even more interesting is meeting someone that you have read about, or even someone whose words you have read.

The internet is one of the world’s greatest tools of communication and also one of the worst. Usually the tone is lost in the typing, so many a misunderstanding has occurred from misread messages that didn’t have a smiling emoticon to indicate humour. However, for every instance of the internet being the devil, it also has an angelic side as well.

Sometimes you just end up clicking with the person who you are communicating with, and this buds into a friendship of sorts.

This past weekend, we met up with three girls (Courtney, Clara and Reena) at a friend’s birthday party. It was nice to meet them all. I’ve met Courtney before at a wedding, and it was good to see her again. Before I actually met her, I was given her blog address in a comment that she left in one of the Hai-Kuul entries. The other two girls are her friends and also have their own blogs. Their blogs are like conversations. Not necessarily professionally crafted pieces of writing (I can say this because mine is not Mordecai Richler by any stretch of the imagination), but honest dialogue about what’s going on in their lives, and what they are thinking. When you read their blogs, you get to know them enough to start an easy conversation with them, as their talking and speaking are similar. It was a fun time.

Currently, I have physically met four people from the blogosphere (the fourth being Ian, whom I met in May – referenced in a previous article). Considering that each of these live introductions went really well, I have to admit to feeling slightly giddy at this tool for making great new friends.

Indeed, quite a few people that contribute to the growing number of comments (as well as my carpal tunnel syndrome) are people with whom I think I could hang out with and have a beer or two.

When comments arrive from a new contributor, I like to read that person’s blog (if they provide a link), and see what they’re all about. I often wonder what their voices sound like, and how they speak. These thoughts spiral into another level when that person posts pictures of themselves.

Sometimes you have a particular expectation of how someone will sound based on what they look like. I know from experience that people don’t expect my voice to be the way that it is. More than once I have been told that the sound of my voice was slightly unexpected. On the flip side, I have had phone conversations with coworkers who, upon meeting me for the first time, readily admitted that they thought I was a short, fat bald guy (where they got this, I don’t know).

Another example of this duality is my friend Dave. His blog is excellent. He is an exceptionally gifted writer with a great sense of humour and talent for communication that makes me wonder why he isn’t famous yet. However, in real life, he doesn’t constantly zing the crowd with his wit. Instead, he sits back and observes what’s going on and will occasionally fire off a great one liner that will keep things lively for the rest of the evening. You would have to get to know him a bit better than casually to believe that Touch You Last is written by him. Not for lack of ability, to be sure, but for the simple reason that he is quieter in person than he is on his blog.

This difference in real personality versus blog personality intrigues me.

Does anyone else think about this kind of thing? I am interested to know if any of you have physically met folks online, and how reality may have been different than your expectations.



Don’t Track Mud In My House

I had to do something the other day that I’ve never done before: I deleted a comment from someone I don’t know.

The comment itself was innocuous enough. It simply stated that they liked the haiku writing, and they encouraged me to visit their site.

Always spurred on by curiosity, I clicked on the link, and found the oddest blog I have come across.

It was a series of entries slamming women, various races, and other groups of people.

While a racist-tinged joke told once in a while around the office or in the bar is barely tolerable, having a page of unintelligent ranting doesn’t sit well with me. I didn’t particularly appreciate the content of that page, so I erased the comment that could lead people there.

Call me old-fashioned, but I don’t like being associated with writing like that.



To End On a Positive Note…

A few months ago I wrote about a cab driver with whom I had a great conversation. At the end of the conversation, he recommended a book called The Way to Buddhahood. I recently ordered this book, and it shall be arriving today. I’ll have to let you know how it is when I am done reading The Unfettered Mind.

Hai-Kuul – June 27, 2005

Intel Inside (Requested by princess_castle)
Never ending race
To create the fastest chip
I hate their jingle


U Silly (Requested by princess_castle)
What do you think, dude?
I’m pointing at your damned self
You are quite silly


Memories (Requested by princess_castle)
Pieces of yourself
To be recalled at leisure
Make the most of them


Blast From the Past (Requested by princess_castle)
Who would have guessed it?
You had a taco for lunch
Rum does funny things


Just Leave Me Alone (Requested by princess_castle)
I have a headache
And I’m trying to do my work
Get out of my face


Site Pop-Ups Allowed (Requested by princess_castle)
I hate marketing
But to use this site I must
Allow them to work


Ghostly Particles (Requested by princess_castle)
Ethereal dust
Floats in the periphery
They make me feel scared


Green iPod (Requested by Schmitgit)
This popular toy
Seems to come in all colours
I still don’t need one


Steaming Summer Days (Requested by Schmitgit)
The thermometer
Has moved to Antarctica
I should do the same


Air Conditioning (Requested by Schmitgit)
A cool winter breeze
Cuts the air like a sharp knife
And lays heat to rest


Air Canada Prices – Highway Robbery (Requested by Schmitgit)
They rule the blue sky
Their competition lingers
They take advantage


Eating Like a Goldfish (Requested by Schmitgit)
Miniscule pieces
Of flaky protiens taste like
Bad tofu burgers




*Remember, you can submit a topic to inspire your very own Haiku Poem by clicking here. You can read about Hai-Kuul here.

Hai-Kuul – June 23, 2005

Dirty Fork (Requested by VisitingSweethonesty)
There on the dish rack
It sits, dejected, dirty
Wasn’t washed enough




*Remember, you can submit a topic to inspire your very own Haiku Poem by clicking here. You can read about Hai-Kuul here.

Hai-Kuul – June 22, 2005

Naughty Ham (Requested by Drea)
Some swines will dress up
In leather chaps and handcuffs
Bunch of dirty pigs…


Babushka (Requested by Drea)
In Russia she lives
She’s the iron matriarch
Mess with her and die


Satin Pillow (Requested by Drea)
Soft against one’s face
It feels like a second skin
Accomplice to sleep


Monkey Business (Requested by Drea)
In their stock market
All the most popular trades
Are in bananas


Say What? (Requested by Drea)
You must be joking
Why would he even do that?
The things people say…


Tristan (Requested by Drea)
I’m low on dress shirts
I feel like spending money!
Let’s go to the mall!


Pigment (Requested by Drea)
This makes the difference
Between tanned skin and sunburn
But attracts racists


Novelty (Requested by Drea)
Something’s not the same
There is some zaniness here
Must be all these clowns


Ducks (Requested by Drea)
Floating on water
Paddling their little feet
Quacking all the way


Pumperknickle (Requested by Drea)
Grandma’s recipe
Comlpetely out of this world
The best bread ever!


Wake Up (Requested by Drea)
How long will you sleep?
You’re going to be very late
Can’t miss your wedding!


Cherry Blossoms (Requested by Drea)
Precursor to fruit
Beguiling beauty attracts
You are drawn right in


Evil Shoes (Requested by Drea)
These shoes are the suck
They looked great on the store shelf
But not on my feet


My Closet (Requested by Drea)
Forgotten clothing
Shoes, pants, and other loose junk
Entropy rules here


Paddington Bear (Requested by Drea)
From darkest Peru
Wearing his hat and his boots
Marmalade Eater


Rosemary (Requested by Drea)
A wonderful herb
But check out the other side:
Mother of Evil


Golden (Requested by Drea)
The highest medal
The most prized precious metal
It still tarnishes


London Bridge (Requested by Drea)
Historical bridge
People want you to fall down
I think you should stand


Atlantis (Requested by Drea)
Civilization
Lost under the ocean waves
Shall they ever rise?


Butterfly Kisses (Requested by Drea)
Something parents do
To their kids little faces
Also a dumb song


Drea has managed to submit over one hundred requests. What dedication! What insanity!




*Remember, you can submit a topic to inspire your very own Haiku Poem by clicking here. You can read about Hai-Kuul here.

Roughing Up What I Learned About Movies

Roughing It

Well, not quite.

This past weekend was spent up in Awenda with the K-Rot crowd. Not all of them, of course, just a few. Two of us went up on Friday night and set up in some spitting rain (which is preferable to what they got further north). Two more arrived early Saturday morning (that would be 02:30), and the rest arrived on Saturday evening.

It was nice to get away from the city. The air always smells great up there. There is still pollution, mind you, but not quite as much as down in Toronto, so the breathing is easier.

One interesting thing about camping is that it tends to bring out the best or the worst in people (much like weddings, funerals, or exclusive concert ticket sales). This weekend, it definitely brought out the best.

We spent so much time laughing that my abs hurt on Monday. Here are some of the funny moments extracted for your enjoyment…

[Jorge and his friend are trying to get a bigger fire going. Jorge, in his infinite wisdom and disregard for physics started the fire on a large piece of watermelon rind. It didn’t go so well.]
GUY:
[Redistributing wood.] Maybe we can fix your mistake here.
JORGE:
[Adding some more kindling.] Shut it!
GUY:
[Starts to fan fire vigourously with plate. The flames start rising.] See?
JORGE:
[Unconvinced. Every time his friend stops fanning, the flames die down quite significantly.] Do you want me to blow instead?
GUY:
[Reaching for his own fly.] Sure, but I don’t know how that will help.
[Cackles of insanity ensue while everyone else looks on, puzzled.]


[There was some ill timing with some of the women and their cycles. Someone had to make an emergency run to the store to pick up some feminine hygiene products. Since his car was the only one parked on the site, Jorge offers to go.]
JORGE:
I’ll go grab some pads for you.
GIRL:
Are you sure?
JORGE:
Yeah, it’s no big deal. I’ll probably be about five or ten minutes.
GIRL:
Thanks so much! I use Always brand.
JORGE:
Ok. What kind do you want me to get?
GUY:
What do you mean what kind does she want you to get?
JORGE:
They have different kinds for different situations.
GUY:
Different kinds, eh?
JORGE:
Yes.
GUY:
Bring back vanilla then.
[Cackles of insanity ensue once more, echoing loudly through the park.]



What I Learned At Camp

  • Trying to burn watermelon rinds takes an awfully long time
  • Trying to start a fire on a watermelon rind is not a good idea
  • Not practicing playing the guitar and singing songs makes for really idiotic campfire sing-alongs
  • Women can snore just as loudly as guys
  • No matter how cool you think someone is, they look hilarious curled up in a lime green plaid sleeping bag
  • Eating too much watermelon pretty much guarantees that you will not sleep the whole night through without getting up to pee at least seventy times



Movies That Should Be Made

In the spirit of all of these video games being made into movies (Resident Evil, Mortal Kombat, etc.), I thought I would make my own suggestions for some movies that I think should be made out of various games. Check out some of these titles…


Tetris: The Movie
Young Dimitri Petrovich is a worker in a small grocery store with an uncanny knack for stocking shelves. One day an army general sees this ability and becomes obsessed with a way to harness this boy’s abilities. He comes up with an elaborate plan to create a fake contest so that the boy will eventually end up working for the military, figuring out the most efficient formations to decimate enemies in ground warfare. Hilarity ensues.


Minesweeper: The Hidden Enemy
Sarah-Jane Poseramo is a mother of seventeen with an amazing gift. She can detect mines subconsciously and avoid them. Scientists want to ask her to use her abilities to help clean up some of the minefields around the world, but she refuses, claiming that science is against her religion. The scientists kidnap her son and place him in the middle of one of the world’s deadliest minefields, telling her that she has to save them. Will she be able to get to him in time? One would think so. But there is a catch. The mines were placed in the ground by Dimitri Petrovich! Who will win? You have to watch to find out!


Freecell: The Rise and Fall of New New York
Idiot savant Bill McBilly lost both his elbows in a bizarre trolley accident in San Francisco. He enters a speed solitaire competition where the prize is enough money for him to pay for the operation to get new elbows. What he doesn’t know is that aliens are running the show, and whoever loses gets anally probed with the coldest monitoring decides the aliens have stored in their freezer. Will Billy’s uncanny ability to always come out on top save his ass from the alien threat?


These riveting titles will do really well at the box office in my opinion. With the right directors and producers, we would have oscar material here…

Suffice to say the John Williams will be composing the music for all three, and the scores will sound like you’ve heard them before. In fact, all three of them will be the same melody, just played in a different scale.