Jumping to Conclusions

Burned Unit

A few of my friends and I will (occasionally) take a perfectly innocent phrase in one of our conversations and turn it on it’s ear with some good ol’ innuendo (in YOU end oh). The following convo was with a friend of mine, to whom I loaned the season 1 DVD set of Burn Notice



Booya! Click to make bigger (that’s what she said).


Of course, later on I thought about it – and it could have easily been referring to some kind of medical show. Ah well. Can’t win ’em all, right?


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Hold Your Applause

Armed and Dangerous

Sometimes I wonder if I’m going to be spending the afterlife in a very warm place.

Observe: a friend tweeted this…

I replied with this…

Anyone have an extra portable air conditioner they don’t need?

The Funnier Way

Excuse Me, Sir. Your Daughter Just Said…

My daughter had a sleepover at Nana’s recently. It’s a great arrangement because Nana doesn’t live too far from where I work, so it’s just a matter of her dropping off little J to my office. Win-win, really; Nana gets to spend time with the wee one and I get a traveling partner for my commute.

On the subway, every station is announced several times beforehand (something to do with being sued when people miss their stops or something). More often than not, the on-board speakers are on the fritz and it’s hard to determine what they are saying. Here is a list of “translations” courtesy of my daughter.

TTC: The next stop is Christie. Christie Station.
Little J: Daddy! We’re going to Rice Krispies Station!

TTC: The next stop is Bathurst. Bathurst Station.
Little J: Daddy, are they really thirsty? They are bad thirsty? Is that what that means?

[This one is the most embarrassing one; only because it was declared very, very loudly.]

TTC: The next stop is Spadina. Spadina Station.
Little J: Daddy! That voice on the speaker just said ‘vagina’ two times!


Where’s Bill Cosby when you need him?


Wit’s Beginning

Pearls of Wisdon

A snippet of a conversation today…

Jorge: You slept for a long time.
Little J: I’m still tired.
Jorge: Well, save it for tonight. Then you’ll have lots of energy to see Santa tomorrow.
Little J: Well, I don’t want to see him tomorrow.
Jorge: Whaaaat?
Little J: Yeah. I like sleep better than Christmas.
Jorge: Bwahahahahahaha!

To be fair, having a bad cold would make anyone love their precious sleep.


Magpie

Oooh! Shiny!

Children are hilarious; you never think of them as having developing personalities until later, but that’s really not true; I’m convinced that their personalities are somewhat fixed when they are born, and that they are fairly malleable.

It’s just fun to see what they come up with…

Little J: Daddy, can I have your wedding ring?
Jorge: Um, no.
Little J: Why not?
Jorge: Well, first of all, it’s mine. Second of all, you told me you liked sparkly things.
Little J: Oh! That’s okay, daddy. I like plain old shiny things, too.
Jorge:
Little J: Can I have it now?
Jorge: No.

Feel Free To Cut In If You Have Heard This…

Misfire?

Recently, Mrs. J and I decided that cutting off the kid count at 1 is the way to go for us (spare the judgement, please). I’m not all that secretive about these sorts of things with my close friends (and most people in general, really). If I was, then awesome dialogue like this would never happen…

Jorge: Ladies and gentlemen, I present: FRANKENBALLS
Krk: Which one do you call Ladies, and which one is Gentlemen?
Krk: You’re alive?
Jorge: I call one Megan and the other one YOUR MOM
Jorge: I am
Jorge: A true foodie, I am switching between different frozen veggies
Krk: Bahahaha
Krk: Locally grown I hope
Jorge: From my own garden
Jorge: A very weird experience
Jorge: To be expected
Jorge: Talked about telecom
Krk: You mentioned that we’re a cut above the rest?
Jorge: I said that we have a ball at work
Krk: … And we try not to get sacked
Jorge: There is a vas deferens between us and the competition.
Krk: BAHAHAHA
Krk: You win
Jorge: You’ve got to know when to hold ’em, know when to scrotum
Jorge: Phew
Jorge: I almost talked about attending pubic school and how it was such a close shave between pass and fail.
Krk: You had me at vas deferens…

Aren’t you glad that conversation happened? Aren’t you glad I shared that?


Fun-nay

Snippet

Every once in a while I have a conversation with someone that is so funny to me that I revisit it several times to brighten my day…


[Chris walks up to Jorge.]
Chris: Hey. Have you had your flu shot?
Jorge: Nope.
Chris: I’m going to go over and get mine now. Wanna come along?
Jorge: Nope.
Chris: Oh. Okay.
Jorge: Yeah. I’ve never actually had a flu shot.
Chris: Fair enough.
Jorge: I hope you don’t think less of me.
Chris: I don’t think that’s actually possible.


🙂