Something That Popped Into My Head

All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts…
William Shakespeare (1564 – 1616), “As You Like It”, Act 2 scene 7

I would like to modify this quote to fit these modern times more appropriately…

All the world’s a stage,
Where most act like nothing is wrong,
Some think the show’s end is fast approaching,
While to others the finale is nowhere in sight…

Hai-Kuul – June 30, 2005 – 500th Hai-Kuul Request Contained Within!

Sick of Me Yet? (Requested by Drea)
It would take much more
For you to drive me away
A gun, for instance

Gold to Cole (Requested by Drea)
If the Olympics
Had events for flamboyance
Cole Porter would win!

Blue Clouds (Requested by Drea)
This is what happens
When you replace the Ocean
With blue Kool-Aid drink

Azaleas (Requested by Drea)
Beautiful flowers
That make many people glad
Including grandmas

Tea (Requested by Drea)
A diuretic
In which you can put lemon
And also honey

Montgomery Burns (Requested by Drea)
Springfield’s richest man
Is also most delicate
Smithers wants him bad

Car Seats (Requested by Drea)
Made for child safety
They must be used properly
For them to work right

Political Conclusions (Requested by Drea)
Elections may come
And then elections may go
And still we trudge on

Heathen (Requested by Drea)
Some fear difference
Persecuting others for
A different belief

Northern Shores (Requested by Drea)
The colder waters
Gather their strength at these points
Resisting freezing

Quail (Requested by Drea)
Why are the Quail’s eggs
So much different than the
Eggs of a chicken?

Faery Dust (Requested by Drea)
Magic beyond us
Some believe it makes us fly
I believe it’s drugs

Clairol (Requested by Drea)
Not just hair products
But some of the best marketing
In Earth’s history

The 500th Hai-Kuul Request

Of course Drea would have to be the one who requested it. Given the fact that this gal sends more requests my way than anyone else, she was bound to hit the number. Here it is…

Canada Rocks My Casbah (Requested by Drea)
Our country is great
Not just because of the land
But because of us!

*Remember, you can submit a topic to inspire your very own Haiku Poem by clicking here. You can read about Hai-Kuul here.

Material That Shocks Me and MSN

Material That Writes Itself

A wise person once said the best things in life are free.

Sometimes this is true. Especially when it comes to golden bits of dialogue that we come across in everyday that are just plain funny.

I know a character (who shall remain nameless) that has a great outlook on life, and an amazing sense of humour. Part of what makes this person so funny is that half of the time he doesn’t mean to be funny, which makes it all the more hilarious.

I figured I would share a few of these moments with you to brighten your day, because God knows I need it…

Scene 1

This individual got a new cell phone a few months ago. One of the ringtones is the theme song from The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly. On this particular day, his phone rang, and we all laughed, as we usually do.

After his conversation he was talking about his ringtone, and spoke of all of us re-enacting the movie. So I thought I would ask him a simple question…

JORGE: So which one are you? The good, the bad or the ugly?
GUY: I just want to be the horse…

Scene 2

This guy and I were discussing the merits of deodorant. English not being his first language, he was puzzled as to why cologne sometimes translates to toilétte (I always thought it was aftershave, but what do I know?).

Afterwords, the conversation turned to personal usage. I mentioned that I use a little stick deorodorant and a spray of cologne (Tommy – The best). He laughed and implied that it was overkill. This is what was said…

GUY: I don’t use deodorant or cologne.
JORGE: Well I do because I tend to sweat a bit. Maybe you don’t sweat, which might lead me to believe that you don’t really smell bad.
GUY: Well, I do sweat. But I usually plan to go home when I sweat.
JORGE: Well then maybe you do smell.
GUY: Not as bad as other people.
JORGE: Well, you can’t really know that. No one can ever know how bad they really smell, because it’s their own odour, and they habituate.
GUY: Oh. That might explain why I’m still single…

Man, self-writing material is the bomb!

Shock Therapy

It’s been a while since my last TTC rant. This won’t be a long one. It’s not so much about the TTC as it is about stupid people.

I observed a guy get on this morning (during rush hour) and just stand a few feet in from the door. Please note that the subway was crowded, and that if he had taken a few more steps, he would have freed up a path for the ten people behind him to occupy free space beyond the entrance.

Clueless Joe (as I have decided to call him), stood there nearly until the warning bells sounded (which means the doors will close momentarily), and only moved because the gentleman behind him asked politely (three times). Five people never made it on.

I think that the TTC should have workers with cattle prods by every entrance to ensure a smooth operation.

It Just Snuck Up On Me

While it is not apparent, I know for a fact that we have hit our 500th haiku. It hasn’t been written yet, but we are sitting at 486, and the ever-present Drea has submitted 14 (Which makes her last one the 500th).

Unfortunately, I’ve been a bit busy as of late, and I wasn’t paying attention, so I don’t have a photo picked out.

So what I will do is invite Drea to pick a genre of photos from which to draw a new prize (or even a photo itself at my photography page), and the winner of the contest will get that one (8×10). Seeing as she is not allowed to win the main prize (according to the rules, no one can win two main prizes in a row, but can win more than one if their wins are separated by other winners), I figure this is a safe bet.

She will get a 4×6 of whatever she picks, seeing as she requested the 500th haiku.

Kudos to MSN

A big round of applause to MSN for opening up the extended editor. Those of you who are on Spaces know what I’m talking about.

Now we can take even more time out of our lives refining our posts!

Hai-Kuul – June 29, 2005

More Money Than a Horse Has Hairs? (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
Some say that I’m rich
If they only knew the truth
The horse has no hair

You’re Breaking Up (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
It’s a sad, sad state
When one’s relationship is
Just like their cellphone

Tip of My Tongue (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
My memory sucks
I know I’ve met you before
But what is your name?

For the Love of Chocolate (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
I’d do anything
To taste that bitter sweetness
That comes from cocoa

Thumbnail (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
A smaller version
Of the larger version that’s
Easier to store

Moony (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
A nice adjective
To disguise the simple fact
They think you’re pale

You’ve Crossed the Line (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
Didn’t mind the rose
And the dinner was quite nice
Don’t push your luck, please

Bumpy (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
My shocks needs some work
I’ve been jostled so much I’m
Surprised I have teeth!

Just Because You’re My Favourite (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
The last piece of cake
Is the best piece of them all
But you can have it

Awful Potometer…Duh!!! (Requested by princess_castle)
Making these are tough
The problem being that bubbles
Can form in the stem

Drowsy Duckling (Requested by princess_castle)
Paddling your feet
For a good chunk of the day
Can tucker you out

Mango Mania…HEHAWWWW! (Requested by princess_castle)
I get excited
About mangos. Some would say
That I’m too freakish

Longitudinal Limits? (Requested by princess_castle)
The fact some people
Still think that the earth is flat
Makes me just shudder

O Well! (Requested by princess_castle)
Whenever I’m shrt
f my favurite vwel
I reach fr my pail

Hell No!!! (Requested by princess_castle)
You ask if I think
Survivor is good. I think
You know the answer

Crusty Boogie (Requested by VisitingSweethonesty)
What is this, you ask?
It’s a new type of dance that’s
Done by old people

The Smell of Fresh Cedar (Requested by patresa74)
When I go camping
I lift my nose to the air
Sniff, and feel refreshed

Echinoid (Requested by patresa74)
The name of a gene
On the surface of the cell
Transmembrane protein

Wow, who would have known that haiku could have taught me about Egfr inhibition. Go R8 Photoreceptors!

*Remember, you can submit a topic to inspire your very own Haiku Poem by clicking here. You can read about Hai-Kuul here.

Fig-tionary – June 28, 2005

dought (Requested by princess_castle)

Actually the inflected form of dow.

starnge (Requested by princess_castle)

  1. Function: adjective – of, relating to, or characteristic of a celebrity. Extraordinary in relation to a celebrity – Usage: Jude Law is very starnge.

driends (Requested by princess_castle)

  1. Function: noun – An acquaintance that one dreads to spend time with. A dreaded friend – Usage: Mary went to answer the door and let out a cry of dismay as she spied her driend Esmarelda through the peephole.

echin (Requested by princess_castle)

This is already a word.

censear (Requested by Schmitgit)

  1. Function: transitive verb – To examine in order to delete or suppress objectionable content by utilizing fire – Usage: George Lucas held up the smouldering remains of the next chapter of Star Wars after it had been censeared.

*Remember, you can submit a request for a crazy definition for a typo by clicking here. You can read about the Fig-tionary here.

Typing About Mud At the End

The Sound of Typing

It’s always interesting to meet someone for the first time. There is the slight nervousness of how to present yourself, the forced grasping at straws we call conversation topics, and the buildup of sweat in the usually smellier places of your body where sweat seems to take brief vacations.

What’s even more interesting is meeting someone that you have read about, or even someone whose words you have read.

The internet is one of the world’s greatest tools of communication and also one of the worst. Usually the tone is lost in the typing, so many a misunderstanding has occurred from misread messages that didn’t have a smiling emoticon to indicate humour. However, for every instance of the internet being the devil, it also has an angelic side as well.

Sometimes you just end up clicking with the person who you are communicating with, and this buds into a friendship of sorts.

This past weekend, we met up with three girls (Courtney, Clara and Reena) at a friend’s birthday party. It was nice to meet them all. I’ve met Courtney before at a wedding, and it was good to see her again. Before I actually met her, I was given her blog address in a comment that she left in one of the Hai-Kuul entries. The other two girls are her friends and also have their own blogs. Their blogs are like conversations. Not necessarily professionally crafted pieces of writing (I can say this because mine is not Mordecai Richler by any stretch of the imagination), but honest dialogue about what’s going on in their lives, and what they are thinking. When you read their blogs, you get to know them enough to start an easy conversation with them, as their talking and speaking are similar. It was a fun time.

Currently, I have physically met four people from the blogosphere (the fourth being Ian, whom I met in May – referenced in a previous article). Considering that each of these live introductions went really well, I have to admit to feeling slightly giddy at this tool for making great new friends.

Indeed, quite a few people that contribute to the growing number of comments (as well as my carpal tunnel syndrome) are people with whom I think I could hang out with and have a beer or two.

When comments arrive from a new contributor, I like to read that person’s blog (if they provide a link), and see what they’re all about. I often wonder what their voices sound like, and how they speak. These thoughts spiral into another level when that person posts pictures of themselves.

Sometimes you have a particular expectation of how someone will sound based on what they look like. I know from experience that people don’t expect my voice to be the way that it is. More than once I have been told that the sound of my voice was slightly unexpected. On the flip side, I have had phone conversations with coworkers who, upon meeting me for the first time, readily admitted that they thought I was a short, fat bald guy (where they got this, I don’t know).

Another example of this duality is my friend Dave. His blog is excellent. He is an exceptionally gifted writer with a great sense of humour and talent for communication that makes me wonder why he isn’t famous yet. However, in real life, he doesn’t constantly zing the crowd with his wit. Instead, he sits back and observes what’s going on and will occasionally fire off a great one liner that will keep things lively for the rest of the evening. You would have to get to know him a bit better than casually to believe that Touch You Last is written by him. Not for lack of ability, to be sure, but for the simple reason that he is quieter in person than he is on his blog.

This difference in real personality versus blog personality intrigues me.

Does anyone else think about this kind of thing? I am interested to know if any of you have physically met folks online, and how reality may have been different than your expectations.

Don’t Track Mud In My House

I had to do something the other day that I’ve never done before: I deleted a comment from someone I don’t know.

The comment itself was innocuous enough. It simply stated that they liked the haiku writing, and they encouraged me to visit their site.

Always spurred on by curiosity, I clicked on the link, and found the oddest blog I have come across.

It was a series of entries slamming women, various races, and other groups of people.

While a racist-tinged joke told once in a while around the office or in the bar is barely tolerable, having a page of unintelligent ranting doesn’t sit well with me. I didn’t particularly appreciate the content of that page, so I erased the comment that could lead people there.

Call me old-fashioned, but I don’t like being associated with writing like that.

To End On a Positive Note…

A few months ago I wrote about a cab driver with whom I had a great conversation. At the end of the conversation, he recommended a book called The Way to Buddhahood. I recently ordered this book, and it shall be arriving today. I’ll have to let you know how it is when I am done reading The Unfettered Mind.

Hai-Kuul – June 27, 2005

Intel Inside (Requested by princess_castle)
Never ending race
To create the fastest chip
I hate their jingle

U Silly (Requested by princess_castle)
What do you think, dude?
I’m pointing at your damned self
You are quite silly

Memories (Requested by princess_castle)
Pieces of yourself
To be recalled at leisure
Make the most of them

Blast From the Past (Requested by princess_castle)
Who would have guessed it?
You had a taco for lunch
Rum does funny things

Just Leave Me Alone (Requested by princess_castle)
I have a headache
And I’m trying to do my work
Get out of my face

Site Pop-Ups Allowed (Requested by princess_castle)
I hate marketing
But to use this site I must
Allow them to work

Ghostly Particles (Requested by princess_castle)
Ethereal dust
Floats in the periphery
They make me feel scared

Green iPod (Requested by Schmitgit)
This popular toy
Seems to come in all colours
I still don’t need one

Steaming Summer Days (Requested by Schmitgit)
The thermometer
Has moved to Antarctica
I should do the same

Air Conditioning (Requested by Schmitgit)
A cool winter breeze
Cuts the air like a sharp knife
And lays heat to rest

Air Canada Prices – Highway Robbery (Requested by Schmitgit)
They rule the blue sky
Their competition lingers
They take advantage

Eating Like a Goldfish (Requested by Schmitgit)
Miniscule pieces
Of flaky protiens taste like
Bad tofu burgers

*Remember, you can submit a topic to inspire your very own Haiku Poem by clicking here. You can read about Hai-Kuul here.