Material That Shocks Me and MSN

Material That Writes Itself

A wise person once said the best things in life are free.

Sometimes this is true. Especially when it comes to golden bits of dialogue that we come across in everyday that are just plain funny.

I know a character (who shall remain nameless) that has a great outlook on life, and an amazing sense of humour. Part of what makes this person so funny is that half of the time he doesn’t mean to be funny, which makes it all the more hilarious.

I figured I would share a few of these moments with you to brighten your day, because God knows I need it…

Scene 1

This individual got a new cell phone a few months ago. One of the ringtones is the theme song from The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly. On this particular day, his phone rang, and we all laughed, as we usually do.

After his conversation he was talking about his ringtone, and spoke of all of us re-enacting the movie. So I thought I would ask him a simple question…

JORGE: So which one are you? The good, the bad or the ugly?
GUY: I just want to be the horse…

Scene 2

This guy and I were discussing the merits of deodorant. English not being his first language, he was puzzled as to why cologne sometimes translates to toilétte (I always thought it was aftershave, but what do I know?).

Afterwords, the conversation turned to personal usage. I mentioned that I use a little stick deorodorant and a spray of cologne (Tommy – The best). He laughed and implied that it was overkill. This is what was said…

GUY: I don’t use deodorant or cologne.
JORGE: Well I do because I tend to sweat a bit. Maybe you don’t sweat, which might lead me to believe that you don’t really smell bad.
GUY: Well, I do sweat. But I usually plan to go home when I sweat.
JORGE: Well then maybe you do smell.
GUY: Not as bad as other people.
JORGE: Well, you can’t really know that. No one can ever know how bad they really smell, because it’s their own odour, and they habituate.
GUY: Oh. That might explain why I’m still single…

Man, self-writing material is the bomb!

Shock Therapy

It’s been a while since my last TTC rant. This won’t be a long one. It’s not so much about the TTC as it is about stupid people.

I observed a guy get on this morning (during rush hour) and just stand a few feet in from the door. Please note that the subway was crowded, and that if he had taken a few more steps, he would have freed up a path for the ten people behind him to occupy free space beyond the entrance.

Clueless Joe (as I have decided to call him), stood there nearly until the warning bells sounded (which means the doors will close momentarily), and only moved because the gentleman behind him asked politely (three times). Five people never made it on.

I think that the TTC should have workers with cattle prods by every entrance to ensure a smooth operation.

It Just Snuck Up On Me

While it is not apparent, I know for a fact that we have hit our 500th haiku. It hasn’t been written yet, but we are sitting at 486, and the ever-present Drea has submitted 14 (Which makes her last one the 500th).

Unfortunately, I’ve been a bit busy as of late, and I wasn’t paying attention, so I don’t have a photo picked out.

So what I will do is invite Drea to pick a genre of photos from which to draw a new prize (or even a photo itself at my photography page), and the winner of the contest will get that one (8×10). Seeing as she is not allowed to win the main prize (according to the rules, no one can win two main prizes in a row, but can win more than one if their wins are separated by other winners), I figure this is a safe bet.

She will get a 4×6 of whatever she picks, seeing as she requested the 500th haiku.

Kudos to MSN

A big round of applause to MSN for opening up the extended editor. Those of you who are on Spaces know what I’m talking about.

Now we can take even more time out of our lives refining our posts!

8 Responses

  1. Great post, Jorge! Funny “Guy”! 🙂 Good idea, but there are too many stupid people on the TTC. There’d be class action lawsuits! How about you just ride with a taser in hand. 😉 Ok I think i read you right, and I think I’m allowed to win again, right……? Yay! for the new edit-ability! 😀

  2. I heard that in Japan they have people whose job it is to “gently” push people into the transit cars. Packed in like sardines.

  3. “Gentle” my ass. Prod those mofos..

  4. I have never been on the TTC, but it sounds like the cattle-prod method would work well.

  5. I have always maintained that everyone needs a friend for whom english is a second language…until I realized that in many crowds, I am that person.

  6. Hey- I just wrote about transit yesterday- what a co-inky-dink. I was the one being irritating though 😉 Ah well- one can’t be perfect at all times. Cheers! T

  7. Wants to be the horse? Hilarious! Here’s one from tonight during pool: “Come on Phil, my vengeance is in you!” (I honestly missed half of that) “Your WHAT is in me???????”

  8. poor mr. clueless joe. i would like to have seen him stuck on the heiny with a cattle prod. 🙂 p

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