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More Stupider Feature

People Are Becoming More Stupider

I was on the subway today listening to some kid bragging about his typing speed. He mentioned that he had the bestest technique, which allowed him to type more faster.

Honestly, do I really need to elaborate on this?



This Might As Well Be a Weekly Feature

Dave and I (and a number of others) are going camping next weekend. In his attempt to be a good guy (which he will always be, regardless of what he does), he offered to buy me a propane tank so that he might use my camp stove for cooking (we tend to do food preparation with a partner, and as sexy as Dave is, Mrs. J wins the hottie competition hands down, and so Dave is partnered with another stoveless person).

Note the exchange…


J: Hey Mano. You don’t need to worry about the tank.
D: Really?
J: Seriously. First of all, my stove burns white gas, so you showing up with a propane tank would help no one.
D: Err…That might pose a problem.
J: Secondly, we already have three canisters.
D: What do those cost? How much do they charge to fill them?
J: Napthalene comes in big drums. It’s pretty cheap, and it lasts forever. We only used a tank and a half at most last year.
D: Oh.
J: I appreciate the offer, but it’s not needed, and the cost is so small as to be relatively insignificant.
D: Well I have to do something.
J: Nah.
D: Really, is there anything I can do in trade?
J: Ummmmm….
D: Not that.

To be honest, I wasn’t even trying to be funny, but I was laughing like an idiot after Dave‘s line.

Dave and I have so many funny conversations that this should become a regular feature. Of course, by doing that, I would feel as if it were an obligation, and it would stress me out. So forget that nonsense. For one thing, I don’t really need another feature spiraling out of control. Secondly, while we find these conversations funny, we are not so egotistical as to believe that everyone would like them. That damned 10% holdout pisses us off.

Hai-Kuul – July 20, 2005

Oh…My…God!!! (Requested by princess_castle)
I must crane my neck
To be able to see him
Godzilla is here!


What a Beauty! (Requested byprincess_castle)
She’s got some sweet curves
She’s the hottest model here
My Lambourghini


There U Go… (Requested by princess_castle)
You’re always leaving
It seems to be what you do
But why? I don’t know


Green and Gorgeous! (Requested by princess_castle)
Bruce Banner’s cousin
Had a blood transfusion and
Became the She-Hulk


Hmm…At Last! (Requested by princess_castle)
It took a few years
But she finally published
The sixth Potter book


Blonde Babes (Requested by princess_castle)
A phenomenon
Based solely on hair colour
Brunettes rock too, eh?


Look At Me (Requested by princess_castle)
I’m talking to you
Pay attention! What I say
Might be important


Boots ‘n Jackets (Requested by princess_castle)
These are in storage
Waiting until the winter
To shield me from cold


Cute Looking Silly Guys…Argh! (Requested by princess_castle)
Why are you surprised?
Whether good looking or not
All guys are silly


Aloo Parathas…Oh Yeah!!! (Requested by princess_castle)
Spiced mashed potatoes
Stuffed between two chapati
An Indian treat


Full-Blood Princess…Muhahahahahahahaaa!!!! (Requested by princess_castle)
The insane laughter
Verifies the royalty
Royals are strange folk


I Know U Love Me! (Requested by princess_castle)
Your outer gruffness
Is not effective enough
To hide your feelings


Ended Up Bruising My Knee… (Requested by princess_castle)
It’s always a risk
To partake in tree climbing
It’s just a small scratch


Hair Gels ‘n Hair Fluids (Requested by princess_castle)
So many products
Can do so much for your hair
I just use a comb


Calm ‘n Quite (Requested by princess_castle)
Calm I understand
But what about the quite part?
You fill in the blank


So Much Fun (Requested by princess_castle)
Camping and Fishing
Away from the pollution
In Nature’s backyard


Thanks For Everything (Requested by princess_castle)
It is my pleasure
To meet the haiku demands
You are most welcome


I Can ‘n I Will (Requested by princess_castle)
Stubborn. Hard-headed
These traits show perseverance
It’s called obstinate


Say Hi To Jorge (Requested by princess_castle)
He works without pause
Answering all the requests
Be sure to greet him


Peace, Progress ‘n Prosperity (Requested by princess_castle)
Worthy desires
To fulfill these is to live
And live well you do


I Hope U Have a Greatttttt Weekend (Requested by princess_castle)
Tony the tiger
Has visited here, I see
He can take a hike


Let Me… (Requested by princess_castle)
You need to relax
Let me handle everything
You’ve had a long day




*Remember, you can submit a topic to inspire your very own Haiku Poem by clicking here. You can read about Hai-Kuul here.

Hai-Kuul – July 19, 2005

Men Are From Mars and I Don’t Like Aliens (Requested by Drea)
Why are men so weird?
Like other-worldly creatures
Indescribable


Deoxyribonucleic Acid (Requested by Reena0170)
The double-helix
That brought both Watson and Crick
fame and some fortune


Death By Organic Chemistry (Requested by Reena0170)
I know boredom kills
The reaper takes the form of
My Org. Chem. teacher


Implantation (Requested by Reena0170)
The embryo grips
The uterine wall. You must
Stay abreast of this


Empty Apple Juice Boxes (Requested by Reena0170)
Hear the hollow sound
Disappearing apple juice
Leaving behind drops


Recovering Alcoholic (Requested by Reena0170)
Court has a problem
But she’s taking the high road
And dealing with it


Melting Chocolate Chip Cookies (Requested by Reena0170)
Everyone knows
Chocolate chip cookies should
Be eaten warmed up


Bubu (Requested by Reena0170)
Poor Mr. Burgess
A nickname not unlike his
Girlfriend’s mother’s dog


Evil Laughs (Requested by Reena0170)
Hear the soft buildup
And the loud sounds of laughter
As Reena freaks out




*Remember, you can submit a topic to inspire your very own Haiku Poem by clicking here. You can read about Hai-Kuul here.

Meeting Heroes

How I Shook Hands With a Legend

A short while ago, I received an e-mail regarding a workshop hosted by Quilombo do Queimado Capoeira* group (QDOQ). Some of my old Capoeira friends are part of this group, and after some rough times, it seems as if it’s on a great road to somewhere far beyond where they used to be.

I have to admit that the idea of attending the workshop was quite exciting, however, a friend from our dojo is moving back to Japan for good, and I had already promised that I would be there for her send-off.

I passed on the workshop, thanking QDOQ for their hospitality.

They sent an e-mail back indicating that Mestre Acordeon was to be teaching at the workshop.

My heart skipped a beat.

Bira Almeida, known as Mestre Acordeon (Mestre being Master and Acordeon being a nickname), is in my humble opinion, one of the greatest Capoeira masters in the world.

Needless to say the workshop seemed a lot more attractive now, however, I had made a promise.

I decided to go to the workshop before I went to the farewell party. I had some time. The farewell party started at 8, but I was going to be there at 9. The Workshop started at 7 up at York University Rec Centre so I figured I could meet with Mestre Acordeon and still have time to get back to the farewell party. Indeed, the Mestre himself had e-mailed me that he was hoping to meet me.

As I was driving up on Friday night, I felt like a giddy schoolboy, and I reminisced about how I’d approached Mestre Acordeon for guidance.

When I had ended my training previously, I felt a little bit overwhelmed by my options, and frankly a little lost. I felt that creation of a small group for people to learn and practice Capoeira was a good idea. It would be for those who were afraid to go to the other schools, and for those who needed practice outside of their own schools.

The idea needed validation.

I e-mailed Mestre Acordeon to find out his opinion. He seemed warm to the idea and invited me down to attend some of their events in San Francisco as well (Unfortunately, scheduling is the suck, and I couldn’t make it down there).

Mestre Acordeon is one of the greatest Capoeiristas in the world not only for his playing and singing, but also for his vast wisdom. He is a very tenacious historian, working to bring order to the multitude of stories that make up Capoeira legend. He has created a few books, and also has some internet resources available to people. I asked him for his permission to use this material to educate, as I felt that it was the most correct.

He gave his blessing there, too.

(In the two years that I corresponded with him, I also saw him on television in the Deadly Martial Arts series)

I pulled up and parked, and met up with an old friend (Camarao), and we caught up on old times as we walked into the Rec Centre together. Albert was there also.

Albert was one of the students that we had at our little Capoeira study group. Albert is already a decent martial artist, so imparting knowledge to him was an easy thing to do. It was neat to see him at the QDOQ workshop, warming up with students that had been there far longer, but looking comfortable. It was weird, but I felt proud.

It turns out that Mestre Acordeon was tied up in traffic and would be late.

I was a bit nervous, and slightly disappointed at the prospect of leaving before getting a chance to meet one of my heroes.

7:30 rolled around, and I told Albert to pass on my best, and also my apologies to the Mestre. I still couldn’t bring myself to leave, and figured that if I sped a bit I could make it home in time to get ready for the party.

At 7:40, I knew I had to go, and made ready to leave. As I approached the exit, who walks in but Bira Almeida himself.

He is greeted with applause.

When things calmed down, I made my way over to him (the rest of the people were still doing warm-up exercises)…


JORGE: Mestre. Hi, it’s me. Gente-Boa**

MESTRE ACORDEON: [Looking puzzled.] Who?
J: [At a loss for words.] Um…Jorge, Mestre. It’s me, Jorge.
MA: [Expression brightening immensely.] Jorge! I have looked forward to meeting you!
[J & MA Exchange a warm embrace]
MA: I’m glad you could make it up here.
J: I can’t stay Mestre. I promised someone that I would go to their farewell party. She is going back to Japan for good.
MA: Promises are important. Can you come tomorrow?
J: I have a wedding out of town.
MA: Oh, that’s too bad. I was looking forward to working with you.
J: Maybe one day I’ll come down to San Francisco, or Brazil.
MA: Yes. You are always welcome. That would be a great thing.



I won’t bore you with the rest of the conversation. Needless to say I reluctantly left after having my photo taken with him, and he told me to keep writing to him, as he enjoyed our exchanges.



Jorge & Mestre Acordeon.
Click to enlarge…


I’ll never forget that day.




* – You might want to check out what Capoeira is if you don’t know.
** – In Capoeira everyone is eventually given a nickname. Mine means nice guy. Everyone who does Capoeira that knows me, knows me by this name. Ironically, Mestre Acordeon is the only Capoeirista that knows me by my real name…

Hai-Kuul – July 18, 2005

Should I Bark?? (Requested by princess_castle)
If you’re feeling low
Pretending to be a dog
Might better your mood


Too Many (Requested by princess_castle)
MSN Spaces
Is running out of room fast!
Thanks to the haiku


Why Not Then… (Requested by princess_castle)
I will lose nothing
If I simply try my best
So here goes nothing


Windbag (Requested by princess_castle)
The unending words
Pour forth like a waterfall
My ears grow quite numb


March Forward (Requested by princess_castle)
There’s no other choice
There is nothing behind us
Our foes are ahead


I Do?? (Requested by princess_castle)
I would feel better
If you became my bride by
Not hesitating


LMAO (Requested by princess_castle)
I have trouble now
Sitting has become quite tough
Since I lost my ass


Piano Kids Not Practicing (Requested by Clara19822)
They’ll never improve
Unless they practice daily
Instead of slacking


Biting Nails (Requested by Clara19822)
It’s a weird habit
Grooming without grooming tools
Results may be weird


Making Shitty Money (Requested by Clara19822)
We can’t get these right
It might be the plates or it
Might be this new dye


Babysitting (Requested by Clara19822)
Minding little brats
For less than minimum wage
Humiliating


Fireplaces (Requested by Clara19822)
Containing the flames
Spreading warmth and happiness
And diverting smoke


Babe Sis Juliana (Even Though She’s Seventeen) (Requested by Clara19822)
Though you get older
Clara will be older still
That’s the way age works




*Remember, you can submit a topic to inspire your very own Haiku Poem by clicking here. You can read about Hai-Kuul here.