The Handsome Man
There is a submarine sandwich shop nearby. I go there once in a while. Almost all the ladies behind the counter are flirty latinas. They are of varying age and not all of them are really my type, truth be told (not that I’m looking). However, they are notoriously friendly, and they always make me smile. Observe…
Jorge: Hi there, I’d like a grilled cheddar club, please.
Sandwich Girl: [Assembling Sub.] What would you like on it?
J: Tomatoes, lettuce, green peppers, mushrooms and a little mayo and mustard, please.
SG: [Looking coy.] You have a sexy accent.
J: Actually, I have a cold.
SG: You should never lose your cold. At least, I hope you don’t.
J: Er….Thanks?
I don’t go in there all the time. Partially because I can’t eat submarine sandwiches every day, but also partly because I am afraid of them devouring me or something. I think they are reverse vampires.
The best exchange that I had is from the other day. There are two gals involved behind the counter this time. One was older (probably in her late forties) and the other was younger (mid twenties). I think the younger one was the daughter of the older one. Either way…
Sandwich Lady: [Nudging the Sandwich Girl as I walk in.] Oh look! Here comes…the handsome man*.
Jorge: [Blushing early in the exchange already.] Hi ladies.
SL: [Grinning.] What can I get for…the handsome man?
J: I’ll have a pizza sub, please.
SL: [Industriously working away at making my lunch, singing.] I am making a sandwich for…the handsome man…
Sandwich Girl: What are you doing? [Looking at SL incredulously.]
SL: I am serving this…handsome man here [Winks at me.].
SG: Do you think you should be talking like that? [Looking apologetically at me.]
SL: Of course! He’s a…handsome man. Are you disagreeing with me?
SG: Well…[Looking embarassed.]…No…
SL: See?
[At this point, the man standing in line behind me decided to chime in.]
Man In Line: What about me, am I a handsome man too?
SL: [Turns to man, and her smile flies off her face to be replaced by a stern frown.] No.
I had to stifle a laugh. Tears formed and I hurriedly wiped them away. I felt horrible for that guy, but at the same time it was hilarious.
While I don’t think I’m hideous, I don’t think I am anywhere close to making it onto the Friday list on Kill the Goat by any stretch of the imagination.
Still, it’s nice to be flattered, even by crazy people.
Canadian Tired
I was at Canadian Tire yesterday, and a mother and her two daughters were shopping for camping supplies. One girl was sitting in the cart in the child prison, while the other was walking around looking at everything. This kid had what I refer to as the chaos touch. She would walk by displays and things would fall of their own accord without her touching anything.
I sometimes marvel at the logic that parents use when dealing with their children. Check out this dialogue between the two of them…
Daughter: [Running up to her mother, holding a campfire sandwich griller.] Mom! Check this out, isn’t it cool?
Mother: What is it?
D: Well, it’s a thing you can use to make grilled sandwiches and pancakes. Wouldn’t that be cool, mom?
M: But we bought a stove. We can just make pancakes on the stove.
D: But wouldn’t it be cool to make pancakes on the fire?
M: Well that’s nice, honey, but pancakes taste better on the stove.
D: Can we at least show dad? He might like it!
M: I don’t think so. I think he likes the stove better.
D: [To her credit, she wasn’t whining, she was just persistent.] Don’t you think we need this in case the stove doesn’t work?
M: The stove is new it will work. Just go put it back.
D: Okay, mom. I still think it would’ve been cool.
[I was impressed at the mother in how she dealt with the situation. Well, I was until…]
M: Now this is something cool [Pointing at a display.].
D: What is it?
M: A lantern. But it’s remote controlled.
D: Wow. Do we really need that?
M: Oh yes. I think we could definitely use that…
Now, the campfire griller was about ten dollars or something cheap like that. The remote control lantern? A mere eighty dollars, for a completely impractical device no less (in my mind, anyway). I would have relented eventually for the griller, if only to keep my kids busy (supervised, of course, even though it is quite safe).
But to buy a remote control lantern…
Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but what the hell good is it?
* – To fully appreciate this story you have to pronouce this the same way that the Sandwich Lady did. She would pause slightly just before she would say “handsome man”, and the way she would pronounce it was “hend-a-sum man-a” (The last “a” was not a full “a” but rather, a very small one. Sort of like emphasizing the “n” when you say “the letter n”).
Filed under: Anecdotes, Humour, Spaces Archive, Top 10 | 22 Comments »
Barking Space 