An Extra Impractical Not-Quite-Connected Rubber Magnifico

An Extra, Extra Long Weekend

Well, I’ll be gone on a camping trip this weekend, so you won’t be hearing from me for a while. My last non-haiku entry ended up being somewhat serious. However, it seemed to generate a lot of great comments and that is a good thing.

This entry will be comprised of several not-so-serious pieces.

Have yourselves a great week, and I’ll be back on Monday!



Impractical Fashion

I understand that there are some articles of clothing out there that raise some eyebrows. Most of these are worn to make a statement, and they end up either showing more skin, or accenting something else. It’s all good.

However, when the style becomes an act of idiocy I shake my head.

I saw a girl on the subway the other day, who was probably fifteen or sixteen (it’s hard to tell because I’m convinced they put breast-growth juice™ in the water in Toronto). She was wearing a tank top which showed off her midriff (which is an acceptable thing, for the most part, these days), and she had on black cotton panties. There was nothing really all that special about them.

They were very plain. I could even draw a picture for you.

How could I do this? How do I know what they looked like so well? Easy. She was wearing her pants below her butt. I kid you not. Rather than allowing her hips to do the work of holding up her pants, she seemed to have decided that it would be far more efficient to wear her pants in a way that caused them to fall down every ten seconds.

When fashion becomes physically impractical it becomes stupid. I was hoping for some kind of emergency evacuation, just to see her try to run with her pants constantly falling down…



Not Quite Connected

Another little tidbit of conversation between Dave and I. We’ve known each other for so long that the stupidest things seem funny. I have no idea how this conversation came up, but Dave turned it into something so silly that it became hilarious. Well, it did for us, anyway…


Jorge: So, I was talking to this girl once about a female hygiene problem.
Dave: Yeah?
J: You know, a problem that has something in common with an ingredient involved in baking bread.
D: Flour?
J: And an ingredient involved in making beer.
D: Rolling pins?
J: There you go.


Incidentally, the girl I was talking about was not my wife. Also please bear in mind that I don’t just talk to women about these kinds of things for no reason. I believe that a commercial aired around the time of that discussion involving a yeast infection treatment. It was quite funny, as the commercial addressed a man’s awkwardness in dealing with stuff like that. As a solution to this problem, the commercial had a small picture-in-picture window in the bottom righthand corner with a football game in progress, just for the guys.

Classic.



Rubber Johnny

Has anyone seen this film? It is insane. It is a bit creepy, but you have to stick with it to see the really strange part. Check it out. There is no way you can predict movies like this.



Cinco Magnifico

Last year on our trip, one of our friends would handle things in the fire with his bare hands. This earned him the nickname Gloves For Hands. This sparked a conversation about what the rest of us should be called…


Jorge: So, if you’re Gloves For Hands, what does that make me?
B: How about Big Sack?
J: Er….How did you get that?
B: Because you have a big sack?


(Incidentaly, he was referring to the obscenely large backpack I had bought for the trip. The capacity was 110L. It was crazy.)

And so, the Cinco Magnifico was born. A group of superheroes with strange powers. The best power, though, was Prehensile Penis Man (Dave, of course). How did we come up with that name? I don’t even remember.

To celebrate our newfound diversion, I created some t-shirts. During the design process, I was chatting with Dave about logo colours. Essentially, each guy would have a simple man symbol (like the one on washroom doors), with the appropriate part changed to match the power (The logo for Gloves For Hands for example, has red oven mitts superimposed onto the hands of the man symbol). You can imagine what would be superimposed onto the man symbol for the Prehensile Penis Man t-shirt…


Jorge: So I am almost finished with the t-shirts.
Dave: Sweet. Does they look good?
J: I think so. I just need to finish the logos.
D: Awesome.
J: So, what colour do you want your penis?
D: Man, the things you say out loud on the phone.
J: Seriously. I need a colour for each guy. Mine is blue, what do you want yours to be?
D: I don’t know. Purple?
J: Okay.
D: Wait a minute. I don’t know about that now…
J: Don’t worry, it’s just a symbol. Besides, it will be the standard run-of-the-mill purple, not an engorged, veiny purple.
D: That sounds so much better now.


Yep. That the way we usually hash out our ideas. Scary, huh?

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Hai-Kuul – July 27, 2005

Crying Babies (Requested by little_lady_417)
It is amazing
How such a tiny creature
Can create distress


Crazy People (Requested by little_lady_417)
I see them around
And wonder if I’m crazy
It’s all relative


Nagging Boyfriend (Requested by little_lady_417)
I saw a guy once
Who constantly begged for sex
his girlfriend punched him


Bottled Water (Requested by little_lady_417)
The world’s greatest scam
Has folks believing bottles
Make something more pure


Easy Living (Requested by little_lady_417)
Inheriting cash
In copious amounts is
The best way to go


Sarcastic Women (Requested by little_lady_417)
A razor-edged tongue
Is a more deadly weapon
Than the incensed slap


Leave Me Alone (Requested by little_lady_417)
Please don’t call on me
I need my solitude now
I need to wind down


Mary Had a Little Lamb…Little Lamb…Little Lamb!!! (Requested by princess_castle)
Mary was hungry
She needed something to eat
Lambchops taste so good!


Sweetie (Requested by princess_castle)
Such a cute nickmane
Can reduce the toughest guy
To a flesh puddle


Brazil (Requested by princess_castle)
Terry Gilliam
Is an incredible man
Go watch this movie


Yes (Requested by princess_castle)
A positive word
That verifies acceptance
Of what you asked for


Ask Away (Requested by princess_castle)
I’m an open book
Feel free to ask what you want
And I will answer


U Do I Do = Voodoo (Requested by princess_castle)
Performing Voodoo
Involves something that I do
That gives you great pain


Mea Culpa (Requested by princess_castle)
I’m the one at fault
Please blame me for what happened
Do it in Latin


Once Upon a Time (Requested by Elbie14325)
These four little words
Open up a great portal
To wonderful tales





*Remember, you can submit a topic to inspire your very own Haiku Poem by clicking here. You can read about Hai-Kuul here.