The Handsome Canadian

The Handsome Man

There is a submarine sandwich shop nearby. I go there once in a while. Almost all the ladies behind the counter are flirty latinas. They are of varying age and not all of them are really my type, truth be told (not that I’m looking). However, they are notoriously friendly, and they always make me smile. Observe…


Jorge: Hi there, I’d like a grilled cheddar club, please.
Sandwich Girl: [Assembling Sub.] What would you like on it?
J: Tomatoes, lettuce, green peppers, mushrooms and a little mayo and mustard, please.
SG: [Looking coy.] You have a sexy accent.
J: Actually, I have a cold.
SG: You should never lose your cold. At least, I hope you don’t.
J: Er….Thanks?


I don’t go in there all the time. Partially because I can’t eat submarine sandwiches every day, but also partly because I am afraid of them devouring me or something. I think they are reverse vampires.

The best exchange that I had is from the other day. There are two gals involved behind the counter this time. One was older (probably in her late forties) and the other was younger (mid twenties). I think the younger one was the daughter of the older one. Either way…


Sandwich Lady: [Nudging the Sandwich Girl as I walk in.] Oh look! Here comes…the handsome man*.
Jorge: [Blushing early in the exchange already.] Hi ladies.
SL: [Grinning.] What can I get for…the handsome man?
J: I’ll have a pizza sub, please.
SL: [Industriously working away at making my lunch, singing.] I am making a sandwich for…the handsome man
Sandwich Girl: What are you doing? [Looking at SL incredulously.]
SL: I am serving this…handsome man here [Winks at me.].
SG: Do you think you should be talking like that? [Looking apologetically at me.]
SL: Of course! He’s a…handsome man. Are you disagreeing with me?
SG: Well…[Looking embarassed.]…No…
SL: See?
[At this point, the man standing in line behind me decided to chime in.]
Man In Line: What about me, am I a handsome man too?
SL: [Turns to man, and her smile flies off her face to be replaced by a stern frown.] No.

I had to stifle a laugh. Tears formed and I hurriedly wiped them away. I felt horrible for that guy, but at the same time it was hilarious.

While I don’t think I’m hideous, I don’t think I am anywhere close to making it onto the Friday list on Kill the Goat by any stretch of the imagination.

Still, it’s nice to be flattered, even by crazy people.

Canadian Tired

I was at Canadian Tire yesterday, and a mother and her two daughters were shopping for camping supplies. One girl was sitting in the cart in the child prison, while the other was walking around looking at everything. This kid had what I refer to as the chaos touch. She would walk by displays and things would fall of their own accord without her touching anything.

I sometimes marvel at the logic that parents use when dealing with their children. Check out this dialogue between the two of them…


Daughter: [Running up to her mother, holding a campfire sandwich griller.] Mom! Check this out, isn’t it cool?
Mother: What is it?
D: Well, it’s a thing you can use to make grilled sandwiches and pancakes. Wouldn’t that be cool, mom?
M: But we bought a stove. We can just make pancakes on the stove.
D: But wouldn’t it be cool to make pancakes on the fire?
M: Well that’s nice, honey, but pancakes taste better on the stove.
D: Can we at least show dad? He might like it!
M: I don’t think so. I think he likes the stove better.
D: [To her credit, she wasn’t whining, she was just persistent.] Don’t you think we need this in case the stove doesn’t work?
M: The stove is new it will work. Just go put it back.
D: Okay, mom. I still think it would’ve been cool.
[I was impressed at the mother in how she dealt with the situation. Well, I was until…]
M: Now this is something cool [Pointing at a display.].
D: What is it?
M: A lantern. But it’s remote controlled.
D: Wow. Do we really need that?
M: Oh yes. I think we could definitely use that…


Now, the campfire griller was about ten dollars or something cheap like that. The remote control lantern? A mere eighty dollars, for a completely impractical device no less (in my mind, anyway). I would have relented eventually for the griller, if only to keep my kids busy (supervised, of course, even though it is quite safe).

But to buy a remote control lantern…

Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but what the hell good is it?


* – To fully appreciate this story you have to pronouce this the same way that the Sandwich Lady did. She would pause slightly just before she would say “handsome man”, and the way she would pronounce it was “hend-a-sum man-a” (The last “a” was not a full “a” but rather, a very small one. Sort of like emphasizing the “n” when you say “the letter n”).

22 Responses

  1. I my gosh, that was hillarity. You never cease to make my day.

  2. Well Well Well…. Way to be a looker! Although you may never be in Shirtless Santa territory (who of us is now really?). At least you go forth today in the knowledge that you gave just a few ladies in the city of Toronto…a thrill. Even if only for the amount of time it took to whip up a pizza sub….

    We’ll check back in a couple of weeks to see if your sub consumption has risen dramatically.
    Cheers to the sub king,

  3. Wow, you’ve been unusually prolific! Or have I just been neglectful in my blog-reading? Either way I’ve got a lot of reading to catch up on- hurray!

    That sub story was priceless! I think I’d have fallen over laughing if I could have seen it!

  4. The guy beside you at the counter: Clint Howard.

  5. Oh man. Clint…

    4 thumbs down.

  6. WEll Jorge…

    I shall refer to you as the Handsome Man from now on… 🙂

    The poor guy behind you….I wiould have stifled laughter too.. hehehe…


    I never have experiences like that.

    Have a good day!


  7. I’ve always thought this guy was more handsome:

  8. Ha!

    The Handsome man! Now that is funny… we should make this into an interesting “beauty contest”… 🙂 If you could somehow come up with the hours that this lady is working and post them here, all of those within striking distance of the sub-shop could enter at the cost of a sub… if nothing else to see if she says anything entertaining about anyone ELSE! 😉

    As for the remote controlled lantern… that is quite possibly one of the most ridiculous things I’ve heard… let’s think about where it is being USED… in a TENT. Not exactly a HUGE space, eh? So HOW lazy are you if you have to use a REMOTE to turn off your lantern rather than GET UP AND TURN IT OFF…!

    Wow. The consumption of useless gadgets borne of society’s increasing fat-assedness never ceases to amaze me.

    Keep it up Jorge!

  9. Maybe her tent is really Huge?

  10. Teasing, not feeding. Was going to actually modify it to include We’re Not Afraid.

    Thanks for stopping by!

  11. Oh come on, you’re gorgeous!

    As to your comment on flirting on Patresa’s site – I agree. I love to flirt – it comes naturally! Incidentally, those silly little ‘Best Smile’ voting things in high school, I was voted Biggest Flirt. Hahaha. Everyone who knows me agrees!

  12. I want a sub!!!

  13. The sub story takes the win that was hilarious and told with such detail.

    Have a good week!!!
    Hasta Luego.

  14. Handsome Man! Hehehe! I didn’t know you were actually gonna post that story! 🙂

    Yeah, and the Mom with the kid…sounds like Jasmine and me, but I wouldn’t have been that patient with the repeated requests. And the lantern??? I agree… what a waste! Why can’t you just get up and turn the damn thing off? And what happens when you loose the remote control?

  15. So tell me, do you drop by the sub shop when you are feeling a bit blue and need a “handsome man” pick me up? tehehe

    Right now I am most fascinated by the sandwich grill thing that turns square white bread into triangles. I know its been around for a while, but I still want to own one.

  16. Honestly, I didn’t post this as some type of boast, or a way to fish for compliments. If I was really interested in trying to make myself look cooler, I’d try to get celebrities to post on here to make me feel better.

  17. Oh come on, Jorge.

    You’re awesome. You’re hot. The ladies want you.
    Now why don’t you come down to Hawaii with us and hang out on the beach?


  18. Do they flirt with you only when you go in alone?

    Perhaps it is an industry-wide pandemic, because we sometimes grap subs at a trucker spot not far from here (it’s open all night…and as you know, I often keep strange hours), and the girls there always flirt with Jason. Poor Jason is really clueless though, he rarely identifies flirting if I don’t point it out for him. So for him to come home and say that there were some aggressive girls at the sub place, I knew they must be pretty obvious…so now he makes me come with him, and does that stop them? Not in the least.

  19. haaaaaa ha ha haa…..i m gonna vote for this one…

    clint howard roxxxx….R.O.F.L.M.A.O….eeee he he

    o well….but i loveeeeee that replyin mania entry tooooo……..

    uh oh….. what cld be done ????
    *in deep thought*

    after 10 sec…

    * smoke issues from th back of her head coz of th excessive pressure she excerted on her formen magnum while tryin to figure out which entry was th better one *

    OMG…J Whatz ur email id by th way….gosh…i took it down that day….goddamn it…..
    haha…IDEA..wll get it from ya th next time i get on th mssenger…hehe

    *****now heavy steam,fog n smoke issues ..all at th same time….sssshhhhhhhh…….dont u dare disturb her…SERVER BUSY …may th good lord save th handsom man from th evil hands of the email maniac…muha haha hah a haaaa****


  20. ****uh ho…just checkin if th smoke , steam n fog left by th foramen magnum pressure exertion subsided or not….***

    o well….


  21. nice blog kid. You should visit mine sometime.

  22. […] I am. Putting on the Handsome Man™ smile with the newlyweds. Click to […]

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