The World is My Oyster
I was walking home from Karate last night, and I was looking for a store that sold cans of soda that weren’t Coke or Pepsi. A confused looking older lady was milling about in front of a used appliance store.
As I approached, she looked up with a look of hope, and I knew that I was going to have to engage in a conversation with her, most likely about something awkward…
OLDER LADY: Um. Hello there.
JORGE: Hi. Is something wrong?
OL: Well, I was wondering if you knew anything about air conditioners.
JORGE: Not really, sorry. [I was actually telling the truth. Other than BTU-to-Square Footage, I don’t really know all that much about them. I do know that I love the one in my office, that I turn on in the evenings to take the edge off the heat in our office and bedroom.]
OL: [Ignores Jorge’s truth.] Great! Well, you see, there is an air conditioner in there that I was interested in buying, but I was worried about Freon, you see.
JORGE: [Acknowledging that there is no way out.] Freon?
OL: Yes. I think the older Freon is bad. At least that’s what they say.
JORGE: Erm. Okay.
OL: But I was wondering if you knew anything about this new Freon.
JORGE: New Freon?
OL: Yes. The lady inside said that the air conditioner had a new type of Freon in it.
JORGE: How old is this air conditioner?
OL: about ten to fifteen years old.
JORGE: And she said that there’s a new type of Freon in there?
OL: Yes.
JORGE: Well, I know that the old Freon was banned from cars, due to the belief that CFCs were contributing to ozone depletion.
OL: What?
JORGE: Um, the old Freon was bad, but I don’t think that the new stuff is called Freon. It is a refrigerant. Again, I really don’t know.
OL: Do you think I should buy it? It’s a good price.
JORGE: I don’t know. How big is your space that you want cooled?
OL: Two hundred and fifty square feet.
JORGE: How many BTUs is the model you want?
OL: Six Thousand.
JORGE: I think that should be just enough.
OL: But I’m worried about the Freon.
JORGE: There are some great sites to look up this type of information on the internet if you’re worried about sales people telling you lies.
OL: I don’t have the internet. I’m retired.
JORGE: I see.
OL: I’m worried about my health. I don’t know what the Freon will do to me.
JORGE: Probably nothing. Unless you plan on drinking it, I think you won’t be feeling the effects that your air conditioner will cause.
OL: So Freon is bad?
JORGE: Again, I don’t think you’d have to worry. I think that your health will be fine. I really don’t know.
OL: Sorry to bug you. I just wanted to make sure that whatever I bought would not cause problems with my health.
JORGE: Sorry I couldn’t be more help.
OL: Oh, that’s ok.
JORGE: Take care.
OL: You too. [She walks away, pulling a cigarette carton out of her purse. She lights up, and walks off.]
What a pointless conversation. Nothing like worrying about catching cold when you have a knife to your lungs. Sheesh.
What Brought You Here?
Here are some of the latest searches that people have used to get to my site…
From: http://www.google.com.au
Ranked #1
“Now take your pig-stick and your boyfriend, and find a bus to catch.”
From: http://www.google.es
Ranked #2
“space de gente skin”
From: http://search.msn.com
Ranked #1
“BoA site:spaces.msn.com”
From: http://search.msn.com
Ranked #1
“drea site:spaces.msn.com”
The first one is too funny. The fact that someone typed the entire Van Damme quote is hilarious. The second one makes no sense to me.
ADDENDUM (Aug 02, 2005): I’ve received several hits for Air Conditioning BTU-to-Square-Footage searches. Here is a site that will help you out: Click Here
Filed under: Humour, Spaces Archive |
Barking Space 
Jorge, why are you up? And why am I up? And why do I sound like your mother?
http://inventors.about.com/library/inventors/blfreon.htm From the images on the net Freon just looks like a methyl with Cl or Fl on it. I wouldn’t say that directly inhaling them would cause much damage but I do know the PBDE’s aren’t good for you. Basically fluorine is an Element that you want to keep away from your body. Only brave/foolish chemists do experiments with Fluorine. They say that there is a special handshake for fluorine chemists because they’re missing fingers. F integrates somehow with you bone structure. I can’t remember how exactly but the effects aren’t pretty. Fluorine forms an ionic bond with calcium, your bones are coposed primarily of calcium carbonate. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fluorine I know this post is on a tangent but figured you might be interested in the content. Also, since I’m using a Mac the text editor doesn’t work for me. Even when I use internet explores, in the library which has PC’s the msn spaces pages had more options. Cheers, Steven
Sweet people are using me to get to you. Sort of like one degree of seperation isn’t it. Actually that’s weird! I’m getting googled…err… And whatever Steve said. Take his advice; he’s a brainiac. That’s a good thing; it keeps me from having to think. As for the knife to the lungs…oh Jorge you’re so right; but then again some of us are wankers who keep trying to quit and haven’t succeeded…yet. Have a great day Hun, Drea
Wow… talk about the living definition of irony… Isn’t it funny how disjointed a conversation can be when one person isn’t REALLY listening? Obviously she had already decided to buy the air-conditioner, she just needed someone to talk her into it for some reason… Very funny.
FREON…..The Musical…. Sing along shall we…. FReeee-on Miracle Compound Chlouroflorocarbon Colourless Odourless Gases Freeeee-on Bad for the Ohhhhh-zone Bastard in disguise nonflammable disaster Freeee-on No more leaded gasssss-oline Take care of our planet Stop being such wankers. Freeeeeeee-on…….. Ohhhhhhh Yeah!
Jamie – I don’t know why you sound like my mother. I’m usually up until 1:30 or 2:00 AM. I don’t need all that much sleep. Steven – Thanks for the science lesson. Actually, I know another little tidbit of information about Freon. If your air conditioner has Freon-filled copper pipes, and a leak forms in time, there is a possibility for the formation of Phosgene Gas. This gas doesn’t really do too much damage in minute quantities, but in graeter quantities can cause your lungs to fill with fluid. Considering Phosgene gas was a weapon during one (or both) of the World Wars, I think it might be prudent to research what one is buying… Drea – You’d better quit, because if not, an arse-kicking is due. I am a very supportive friend, if you haven’t figured that out. Enraptured – Yeah. It was weird. But it was also amusing. Ian – You and I can get together and put Andrew Lloyd Webber out of business. Actually, I read in “A Short History of Nearly Everything” that the guy who invented Unleaded gasoline also invented CFCs. What a jerk!
My latest odd google was “bay leaf” sick. And they found my chicken soup recipe. I hope it made them better. Good job you were looking for pop that wasn’t coke or pepsi- they might be almost as bad for you as freon.
ha ha ha! just yesterday i was actually thinking about how funny it is to see people doing something healthy with a cigarette hanging out of their mouths. like riding a bike while smoking. or walking a nature trail while smoking. 🙂 patresa
the second one is in spanish, and obviously means “space of people skin…” or something…hahaha….which makes SO MUCH sense! yeah the first one is funny.
They take away your Internet access when you retire? Man the elderly get the shaft in this country.