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Hai-Kuul – June 10, 2005

U Mus Hy Koo Rhat Stuf (Requested by mochajavamanDK)
Tu hy koo rhat stuf
Eye fyend vry defikult
Rhats kant reed hy koo


Victory is Mine! (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
The oneupmanship
Between Lannon and Princess
Will it ever end?


Sticky Keys (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
This is what happens
When you eat your Krispy Kremes
Sitting at your desk


Opalescent (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
A great adjective
Reflecting iridescence
Good word, Theresa


Like a Sunshine (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
I love sunflowers
They are little suns on stems
They make me happy


Stupid is As Stupid Does (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
Forrest Gump said this
Really it was his momma
She always said stuff


Only the Very Best (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
This is our promise
As sellers of fine produce
Too bad we’re lying


Skin (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
Covers our bodies
Comes in so many colours
Diversity rocks!


Airplane (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
Modern Miracles
Heavy metal soars in air
Thanks to jet engines


I’ll Fix it (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
The faucet’s leaking?
The fridge is broken again?
I’ll go get my tools


Clicks and Clacks (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
The trains shuffle by
Their wheels like tap-dancing shoes
On the iron rails


First Sprout (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
The first sign of growth
Striggle of a survivor
Soon to be grown-up


Mud (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
Something about mud
Makes me wonder. It’s dirty
But nice to walk in


Knuckle Sandwich (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
Shut your blabbermouth
Or I’ll deliver something
Called a special meal


Wink Wink (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
Is there something wrong?
Is your eye bothering you?
It’s bothering me




*Remember, you can submit a topic to inspire your very own Haiku Poem by clicking here. You can read about Hai-Kuul here.

Thinking About Guests

Thinking About Ideas

Yesterday a friend suggested that I should perhaps make a book comprised of haiku and my photographs. I’ve actually thought of this before, but I didn’t think it had any merit.

What are your thoughts on this, audience? Do you think it would be a successful venture?

I daresay I am not really strapped for ideas in terms of writing haiku, so I could always match the haiku to the picture, or just have the pictures there as something nice to look at.

Of course, in the end, this is all just an exercise in holding my breath. I don’t really have any contacts in the publishing industry.

So, throw me some ideas, folks. Let me know what you think!



Guest Fig-tionary Writer

Due to the ridiculous number of Hai-Kuul requests, I have decided to dole out some writing responsibility to someone who I trust immensely with my life, and blog (of course). Allow me to introduce (again) Dave!

You probably remember him from such stories as Zip and Tuck, and the ever-popular Rafting Adventure.

Dave has immensely awesome writing skills.

He will do us proud here at Barking Space.

Hai-Kuul – June 08, 2005

Man Panties (Requested by patresa74)
There comes a dark time
In the life of all hombres
Where mistakes are made


Will Leg Warmers Make a Comeback? (Requested by patresa74)
The eighties brought them
On some exercise programs
A comeback? Perhaps


Penny & Me (Requested by princess_castle)
Me and my copper
Heading to the corner store
For some cheap candy


Don’t Spoil It, Please (Requested by princess_castle)
This movie is new
You saw it already, eh?
Keep your big mouth shut


Am I Late or What? (Requested by princess_castle)
What do you mean late?
I drove as fast as I could!
Oh! Last week, eh? Er…


A Live Math Notebook (Requested by princess_castle)
Math is bad enough
Without having to worry
About living books


Butterfly Wings (Requested by princess_castle)
So symmetrical
And as delicate as foil
Amazing beauty


O! Marvellous Things!!! (Requested by princess_castle)
Raindrops on roses
Whiskers on kittens. Wait. That’s
My favourite things


Why Can’t I Sing? (Requested by princess_castle)
You know the lyrics
You’ve got really great rhythm
Too bad you’re tone deaf


Gentle-Boa (Requested by princess_castle)
I know a huge snake
Who would never hurt a flea
He just slithers by


Will I Never Make You Cry? You Just Did, Hun. Grrr… (Requested by princess_castle)
Tried my very best
To induce tears in your eyes
Now I am angry


Who’s Coming With Me? (Requested by princess_castle)
We need to take them
Send them the message of war!
Cross this line to join


You Know I Never Lie…I Am Only a Great Actor! (Requested by princess_castle)
Do I speak the truth?
Always, when in character
The script never lies


Ohh Ha Ha Ha Yea…Yeah… (Requested by princess_castle)
You want in my skirt?
Next time bring a better tool
Nice toothpick, buddy


I Hope it Helps You to Find the Way (Requested by princess_castle)
Take this folded map
It has everything you need
I hope you can read


I Won’t..I Won’t..I Won’t!!! (Requested by princess_castle)
You cannot make me
Do something that I don’t want
You are not my boss!


You Asked For it (Requested by drea)
Request haiku, eh?
More than Warrior Princess, eh?
I hope you’re ready…


If you have seen the movie Hook, you will catch the reference in the following one…


Smile (Requested by drea)
Take both of your lips
Pull up the corners a bit
There you are, Peter!


Always a Bridesmaid (Requested by drea)
The price that you pay
For being adorable
And killing your dates


Scooby Doo (Requested by drea)
A talking canine
With a speech impediment
And a druggie pal


Bush Attacks Texas (Requested by drea)
This does not make sense
But then again, nothing he
Does makes any sense


Headliner (Requested by drea)
This is a neat word
Header in the paper? Or
A penis cover?


Rain Storm (Requested by drea)
The sky is falling
In the form of water drops
Curing the land’s heat


Umbrella (Requested by drea)
A shield from the rain
And for some nannies, a mode
Of transportation


Black Victoria (Requested by drea)
Where is the sun now?
‘Twas here a second ago!
Vancouver stole it!


East vs. West (Requested by drea)
Why don’t we just stop
Let us settle the wars with
A game of hockey


Jargon (Requested by drea)
Vocabulary
For the elite, who don’t like
To include others


Deft (Requested by drea)
To be dexterous
Akin to the movements of
Most sober chipmunks


Elevator (Requested by drea)
Go press a button
The doors will open and you
Can avoid the stairs


Watch Out – She Bites (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
Mind all your fingers
Might as well mind your toes, too
She’s a man eater




*Remember, you can submit a topic to inspire your very own Haiku Poem by clicking here. You can read about Hai-Kuul here.

Hai-Kuul – June 06, 2005 – Part 2 – Contest Winner & More!

The Hai-Kuul Contest is Done!

That’s right. The 25th entry was received this morning. The runner up was VisitingSweethonesty for submitting the request that lead to the 250th haiku. She will win a 4×6 print of the morning scene.



The Winner

The winner receives an 8×10 glossy print of the morning scene. And here is her request…


That’s Enough (Requested by Drea)
You’ve filled my soup bowl
For a second time. But I
Am not that hungry


Nicely done, Drea!

I will need both of your mailing addresses, so just e-mail me and we can arrange to get your prints to you!

Congrats go out to both of the winners. Stay tuned, as I will have a 500th haiku contest in what appears to be a short time indeed!


Hai-Kuul Queen (Requested by Drea)
The battle is on
Which gal will request the most?
My brain is jello


Blondisma (Requested by Drea)
A rare condition
Of implied stupidity
It is not true, though


Bamaram (Requested by Drea)
Is this word from Hook?
Or could it possibly be
Some Persian music?


Heave Away (Requested by Drea)
The drinks went down fast
I’m running to the bathroom
I hope I make it


Mark My Words (Requested by Drea)
You’ve lost count of how
Many times you have heard this.
The mantra of moms


I Will Win (Requested by Drea)
Determination
A strong and unyelding soul
It’s all in the mind


Pyromaniac (Requested by Drea)
Lighting matches rocks
I could stare at a campfire
And I’d lose myself


Slinky (Requested by Drea)
What walks down the stairs
And makes a slinkety sound?
A slinky, I bet!


Toast To Jorge (Requested by Drea)
Let us raise a glass
To…er…me…and how much I
Er…totally rock!


Twenties (Requested by Drea)
The wonderful age
Between teenhood and mid-life
Where youth is enjoyed


Enough (Requested by Drea)
The title of this
Is very similar to
A recent title


Toe Stubbage (Requested by Drea)
I hate the corners
I think that furniture should
Float high off the ground


Thirteen is Unlucky (Requested by Drea)
Irrational fear
Triskaidekaphobia
Why fear a number?


The Columbian Navy (Requested by Ian)
Don’t mess with these guys
They have very large cannons
That fire sacks of coke


You should read Ian’s blog for the full story of this next one…


Poppin’ Wheelies (Requested by Ian)
Some handicapped folks
Can do the wickedest things
With their rolling chairs


Shirtless Santa (Requested by Ian)
This Santa is cut
He preaches about fitness
So many pushups!


Rat Man (Requested by Ian)
Nathan Phillip’s Square
There is a man with his rats
They’re his family


Snarky is As Snarky Does (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
Don’t treat me poorly
Your attitude will just be
Reflected right back


Monday Morning (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
I hate waking up
And having to face the day
When it’s Monday morn


Smooth Teeth (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
It’s like hairy teeth
But this time the sugar makes
Your teeth feel slimy


Where’s My Ten Foot Pole When I Need it? (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
I SO hate that guy
He is very disgusting
Where is that damned pole?


Waiting For the Rain… (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
The ground is quite dry
The people are all so parched
They look to the sky


French Manicure (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
A way to pamper
And it’s different than a
Spanish manicure


I’m With Stupid -> (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
Check out my buddy
He thinks that popsicles are
Sugary weapons


In that line of thought…


You Deserve a Popsicle (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
Your criminal acts
Will earn you a proper death
With this popsickle


Beasties (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
You will see them out
In the wild. Running free and
Pooing everywhere


Beautiful Eyes (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
Nothing is as sweet
As staring into a pair
Of beautiful eyes


Qui Moi? (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
Whether in English
Or even in the French tongue
Trouble will find you


Born On Friday the Thirteenth (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
People say my luck
Is of the worst kind due to
The day I was born


SpellCheckMate (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
You have backed yourself
Into a literary
Corner. Surrender!




*Remember, you can submit a topic to inspire your very own Haiku Poem by clicking here. You can read about Hai-Kuul here.

Fig-tionary – June 06, 2005

ingoring (Requested by princess_castle)

  1. Function: transitive verb – piercing from the inside of something with the intention of escaping – Usage: Jack was swallowed by the giant, and only by ingoring the giant – with a sharpened popsicle stick – was he able to escape.


welocome (Requested by princess_castle)

  1. Function: transitive verb – to accept with surprise yet also pleasure the occurrence or presence of a person, usually with a voiced “oh” – Usage: Margaret dropped by Jack’s place unexpectedly, but he welocomed her with open arms.


dona (Requested by princess_castle)

  1. Function: adjective – To be done with an Italian accent (most notably Joe Avati) – Usage: “I’m dona, ” said Joe, finishing the last bite of his lasagna.




*Remember, you can submit a request for a crazy definition for a typo by clicking here. You can read about the Fig-tionary here.