Fig-tionary – May 31, 2005

panicdote (Jorge came up with this while writing a story about an event from his childhood)

  1. Function: noun – a usually short narrative of an interesting, amusing, or biographical incident that scared the pants off the person relating the story – Usage: If you ever heard Jorge’s panicdote of the time he lost the hair on his arm, you would never go near a barbecue again.

*Remember, you can submit a request for a crazy definition for a typo by clicking here. You can read about the Fig-tionary here.

Short and Stupid Tales

Childhood Tales

Patresa has started a little collection of stories told by bloggers about their childhoods. It’s pretty funny what people are willing to share, and qutie amusing to read. Go and check it out! If you have a blog you should participate.

I like some of these ideas, because you get to see people’s various styles of writing. So, without further ado…

When We Were Short and Stupid

I had recently come of age to be able to baby-sit my brothers. My parents had gone out for the evening and would be back later on that same night. They left me in charge, and I was feeling pretty important.

The evening was fun. I have two brothers, and we are close enough in age to enjoy a lot of the same things. I don’t remember exactly what we did, but it probably would have involved watching some TV, playing some video games, and probably something related to Star Wars.

Soon the time came to put the two younger guys to bed.

The thing that sucks about babysitting your own siblings is that they don’t look at you as an authority figure*. They look at you as their brother (who you’ve just been playing games and watching TV with).

One brother was ready to hit the sack but the other was being more resistant. He goofed around, and refused to do what I asked. I was getting annoyed, as I knew I would get in trouble if my parents found him awake. I was running out of options.

So, I picked up a chair (one of the older heavy office-type chairs) and raised my voice. What I said next sealed my fate…

If you don’t go to bed I swear I’ll throw this at you, and you’ll be sorry.

He paused for a second, calming down and wondering if I was telling the truth. I wouldn’t have thrown it if I wanted to. I’m just not that kind of guy. However, I needed to be more convincing, so I took a menacing step towards him, and he shrank back a little.

Unfortunately for me, I didn’t see the toy car on the floor in front of me. I slipped and ended up lurching forward and then back, inadvertently hurling the chair. My brother screamed. The chair didn’t really go near him, but bounced off of one of the beds, and then over the gap to the other, and then into the wall, leaving a sizeable hole.

We all went silent.

And then everyone started crying (I was teary-eyed at the prospect of fatherly rage).

Needless to say they agreed to go to bed, fearful that I would start throwing larger objects at them (I doubt they knew it was an accident at the time). I ran to the garage and got the Poly-Fix and did a really poor job of patching up the wall, while my brothers lay in bed under the covers, drying their eyes on their pajama sleeves.

My parents came home, and I tried to hide the damage, but realized that it would eventually be found out, so I confessed. My parents were pretty angry at all of us. They were mad at my brothers for not listening, and were mad at me for throwing objects around the house (they didn’t believe it was a freak accident).

In the end, though, there was no real punishment.

Fear was quite enough, thank you very much…

* – I’ve discovered that this also holds true if you are the official photographer at a wedding involving a family member. No one listens to you.

Hai-Kuul – May 31, 2005

Shoot the Moon (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
Quite a strange card game
Where the object of it is
To score the lowest

Breathless (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
When did I fall in?
Thrashing about, I cannot
Breathe underwater

Do Not Disturb (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
I am very tired
And so I shall place a sign
on my door and nap

Even though Dave didn’t really ask for this one, he thought about asking for it. I included it. Remember – Multiple requests in the same comment (or in a row) only count as one entry.

Free Blog Swag (Requested by Dave)
People enjoy games
Even more than this, people
Like to get free stuff

This one required two haiku. If you don’t recognize what movie this quote came from, then you should be very disappointed in yourself.

Kids Are a Pain In the Ass, Wife’s On the Sauce — Poor Bastard, He’s Better Off Dead (Requested by Dave)
Pete “Deadmeat” Thompson
Died in an unfortunate
Series of Events

Kids Are a Pain In the Ass, Wife’s On the Sauce — Poor Bastard, He’s Better Off Dead (Requested by Dave)
Admiral Benson
I went to school with that man
His pants look funny

House In the Middle of the Freeway (Requested by patresa74)
Not ordinary
Whoever requested this
Must like Stephen Wright

Weird Extra Driveway (Requested by patresa74)
What is this thing for?
Who knows? Come winter, it’s just
Something to shovel

My Family is Psychotic (Requested by The Shellie)
I sometimes wonder
Why my family is strange
My DNA screams

Figure Skating At the Olympics (Requested by TeresaDawn-Armetiel)
So many eyes watch
As I’m spinning on the ice
Gold is in my heart

For those of you who are stats-obsessed, here are the Top Five Hai-Kuul requestors…

  1. Drea – 42
  2. TheresaWarriorPrincess – 40
  3. Princess Castle – 17
  4. St-Martini-of-the-Vodka – 14
  5. Dave – 12

*Remember, you can submit a topic to inspire your very own Haiku Poem by clicking here. You can read about Hai-Kuul here.