Short and Stupid Tales

Childhood Tales

Patresa has started a little collection of stories told by bloggers about their childhoods. It’s pretty funny what people are willing to share, and qutie amusing to read. Go and check it out! If you have a blog you should participate.

I like some of these ideas, because you get to see people’s various styles of writing. So, without further ado…

When We Were Short and Stupid

I had recently come of age to be able to baby-sit my brothers. My parents had gone out for the evening and would be back later on that same night. They left me in charge, and I was feeling pretty important.

The evening was fun. I have two brothers, and we are close enough in age to enjoy a lot of the same things. I don’t remember exactly what we did, but it probably would have involved watching some TV, playing some video games, and probably something related to Star Wars.

Soon the time came to put the two younger guys to bed.

The thing that sucks about babysitting your own siblings is that they don’t look at you as an authority figure*. They look at you as their brother (who you’ve just been playing games and watching TV with).

One brother was ready to hit the sack but the other was being more resistant. He goofed around, and refused to do what I asked. I was getting annoyed, as I knew I would get in trouble if my parents found him awake. I was running out of options.

So, I picked up a chair (one of the older heavy office-type chairs) and raised my voice. What I said next sealed my fate…

If you don’t go to bed I swear I’ll throw this at you, and you’ll be sorry.

He paused for a second, calming down and wondering if I was telling the truth. I wouldn’t have thrown it if I wanted to. I’m just not that kind of guy. However, I needed to be more convincing, so I took a menacing step towards him, and he shrank back a little.

Unfortunately for me, I didn’t see the toy car on the floor in front of me. I slipped and ended up lurching forward and then back, inadvertently hurling the chair. My brother screamed. The chair didn’t really go near him, but bounced off of one of the beds, and then over the gap to the other, and then into the wall, leaving a sizeable hole.

We all went silent.

And then everyone started crying (I was teary-eyed at the prospect of fatherly rage).

Needless to say they agreed to go to bed, fearful that I would start throwing larger objects at them (I doubt they knew it was an accident at the time). I ran to the garage and got the Poly-Fix and did a really poor job of patching up the wall, while my brothers lay in bed under the covers, drying their eyes on their pajama sleeves.

My parents came home, and I tried to hide the damage, but realized that it would eventually be found out, so I confessed. My parents were pretty angry at all of us. They were mad at my brothers for not listening, and were mad at me for throwing objects around the house (they didn’t believe it was a freak accident).

In the end, though, there was no real punishment.

Fear was quite enough, thank you very much…

* – I’ve discovered that this also holds true if you are the official photographer at a wedding involving a family member. No one listens to you.

6 Responses

  1. That’s hilarious! Kids always damage your house and always try to hide it. 🙂 I once had a party where the music was so loud that the heavy base beat caused one of my mom’s favourite glass candle holders to bounce right off the curio shelf. It shattered. I discarded it and didn’t mention it, hoping she wouldn’t notice. She noticed!

  2. That is too funny… I was an even worse authority figure for my sister… in part because I was only 1.5 years older than her (still am actually) and in part because I was often the one not being adult-like… sheesh. What trouble! I should really get around to writing a couple of kiddie-tales! I do love this idea… I’m just usually too busy whining on my blog these days! My mom is in town visiting right now too- it would be a perfect time to pump her for bloggable tid-bits! 🙂

  3. I know it’s not nice to laugh when children cry, but I did. The whole scene is just frighteningly hilarious. Love it! Love it! So here I shall giggle aloud while sitting at my cubicle. Great story, Jorge. Chapter 44. 🙂 patresa

  4. The best part was “and then we all started crying”. I totally feel your pain. I had 3 bratty sisters to babysit for. Usually great clumps of hair were loss, and that was a tame night.

  5. So you “say” that you slipped on a toy… HA HA HA Interesting tidbit from your childhood! Luckily enough I managed to get through life without punching any holes through the walls; however I do remember my dad throwing an ashtray at me once. I believe that I used the word “F*ck” and towards him no less, during the drama of a teenage girl’s life. Dear old dad missed me by a millimetre and his lit cigarette burnt a hole in mom’s pink carpet. Needless to say he ended up getting into more trouble then me when Mom came home from work. But heck I’d have deserved it; I was literally the teen from H*ll. My parents have told me that if I ever bare children they will probably be evil to make up for my insolence. Anyhoo… Have a great Jorge… I hear that you and Ian are hanging out again… D*mn… I always miss out on all of the fun! Cheers, Drea

  6. LOL! I still have a scar on my knee from the time my older brother was babysitting me and swung at me with his foot when I stuck my tongue out and said I wouldnt go to bed! Waffle Stompers SUCKED!! LOL

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