Spam Think Canadian

Spam Names

And so, another weekend has come and gone.

I was perusing my junk mail folder last night and picked out the following group of entertaining spam originator names.

Rather than just listing them, I’ve decided to create a little office scenario, and assign some personality to each fake name.

I think it’s a lot more entertaining this way…

Simmering G. Overseers – The perpetual angry boss. Mrs. Overseers is a micromanager’s micromanager. Always looking over the shoulder of her underlings, she stalks about the office, her face a slight reddish twinge, grinding her teeth and exuding steam from her brain.

Crumbliest G. Tabulating – This poor young soul is overworked and underpaid. Working as Mrs. Overseers’ accountant, he’s constantly falling apart from the pressure that is brought by her constant surveillance.

Cattails B. Unkempt – This bookish archivist works long hours for low pay. Her frizzy hair and messy attire are a step towards explaining the problems the office is having locating any documents from before the previous month. Why so unkempt? Too much time in the garden, taking care of “weeds”.

Compensations T. Pet – This payroll worker is the apple of everyone’s eye. She does her job well and looks great to boot. Nobody can place her exotic accent, nor can they figure out her heritage from her other-worldy, beautiful appearance. To the untrained eye it appears that she is under the sway of the higher management types. However, upon closer inspection, it is she who leads them all with a short leash.

Roomful E. Furthest – This portly gentleman has been cursed with a biological weight problem. As if this wasn’t bad enough, he also seems to emit a noxious odour that is repugnant to all but the toughest flies. Sitting low on the totem pole, one would think him assigned to a cubicle like everyone else. However, due to both of his unfortunate traits, he has been assigned to his own office on the opposite side of the building from everyone else.

Waxwing M. Supremacist – The president of our motley crew. His creepy demeanor, racist attitude and oily appearance spook a lot of the people, but none more than the women who work in the office. They are constantly avoiding his lecherous gaze and busy hands. The only one in the office not afraid of him is Miss Pet, who seems to cause him some distress. He thinks her an extremely attractive women, yet she is a “foreigner”. He tends to keep his distance from her.

Benito M. Feliciano – Salesman extraordinaire. This curly-haired adonis walks about in his expensive suits and highly-polished shoes. He is the paragon of confidence. His muscled body apparent beneath his threads. The women in the office swoon when he walks by. Ironically, he only has eyes for young Mr. Tabulating…

Trumpeting O. Sleet – She is the receptionist and switchboard operator all rolled into a sweaty package. She’s never been able to figure out why she gets the cold sweats all the time. It’s not that she’s nervous, nor is she afraid of anything (except Waxwing, who really gets under her skin). No. It’s just one of those mysteries she can’t figure out. The rest of the office is glad that she’s around. Due to her loud voice, they save on public address systems.

Jesus Mayo – The wildcard. He doesn’t actually work in the office, but rather at the deli down the street. A humble man, bearded, in casual clothes, he can make the most heavenly sandwiches in the city. People who eat his food tend to start seeing auras and feeling really groovy. As of yet, no one has ever caught the street urchins transporting large amounts of E into his pantry.

And there we have it. Our dysfunctional office scenario.

I actually quite enjoyed that. I might do that again if the names that appear in my junk mail folder are as interesting as these.

Something To Think About

I’ve been watching a few people lately who have made a career out of changing careers. While I admire their tenacity, I’ve discovered that they’ve painted themselves into a corner by earning themselves a nomadic reputation.

What ever happened to having an open mind about what you are doing right now?

Sometimes the best journeys are the ones inside that start with what you know.

Chasing your dreams can be good. Just make sure to look at the ground every once in a while, to make sure you avoid those nasty cliffs.

A Canadian Project

A thought has been working itself through my brain for the last week or so.

I’ve spoken to Ian and Dave about it. I’ve also dropped hints to Cat.

If anyone is curious about this endeavour, please e-mail me.

I’d post the idea here, but I only really want serious inquiries, and I really want to keep it quiet until it’s done.

17 Responses

  1. Those are hilarious. I want to know where to get sandwhiches that make you see auras and feel really groovy!

  2. “Sometimes the best journeys are the ones inside that start with what you know.”- Yes! New things can be found in an already existing world. For all the moments I have where I want to quit my job, I have just as many experiences which are rewarding.

  3. I like Benito M Feliciano… Does he know Jose?

    Its so funny that you take those SPAM names that we all discard and create a life of their own for them.

    IT has been famous for that nomadic behaviour. I remember an old boss who used to criticize people for staying at a place more than 18 months. These days, that is definitely frowned upon I think, and less common, unless you are an independent consultant.

    Changing careers is even more perilous I think… But I admire people that do it. Whenever I have been a part of interviewing new employees, I usually favour the ones that have a more diverse background. Some of the best IT people I work with were Liberal Arts grads that switched over.

    Have a good day Jorge S. Grillsalot

  4. Do you have to be Canadian to join the project? If so, I’m out. Damn geography.

    Loved the spam names and descriptions, by the way! And, doesn’t it just figure that the hottest guy would only have eyes for those with a penis. Damn penises.

    It just isn’t my day.


  5. Tee hee- I was going to tell you I laughed at your story- but Courtney’s comment made me laugh more… damned penises.

    I’m thinking about being curious about your endeavor…

    Hesitant T. Lazipuss

  6. Oh are sooo funny..
    Man.. if I had “clean” names like that in my junk box..I’d do that too.. unfortunately mine are derivitaives of movie stars, my own screen name, or names that are so nasty, MSN would slap me with a fine if I posted them on my space..
    Can I link to ya on my space?
    Would you mind terribly?
    I need to take a break from waving my sledgehammer and cursing in sumerian at structured query languages anyhoos..
    Btw.. I don’t see anything wrong with “chasing a dream” or changing a career.. so long as it’s not every couple of years.. there’s a difference between setting long term goals and being a “career flake”.. just..thought I’d toss my two cents worth in.. *s*


  7. I’ve been doing this job for nine years.

    I think it is time for a change.

    I really like what I do but don’t like who I now work for.

    I could wait it out. I have before.

    But why?


  8. I could totally go for some Jesus Mayo right now. Sacrilicious!

  9. I truly am quite envious as my junk mail pales in comparison to yours !
    Now I will have to look more closely, as I could be deleting personalities I never really noticed:)
    That was hilarious Jorge ..
    Thanks for making my day!


  10. I would really like a job in that office. My resumé follows.
    You could really gain a lot by introducing me to your colleagues.

    Malicious Pretender

  11. LOL.. looks like Barb’s junk mail arrives in buckets…


  12. Well done… well done indeed! I’m thinking about printing out your list of characters and fleshing out a short story with them… with your permission of course…

    They are too “alive” to leave alone just yet, don’t you think?

    With your permission and expert guidance of course… unless you are already working on this…

    I too am thinking of a change, but I’m making sure it’s what I REALLY want before I leap… I’ve fallen into the crevice one too many times for that!

  13. Just came by to say hello! Hope all is well!

  14. Have you ever met an archivist who wasn’t bookish?

  15. TOO Funny….

    I like the CSI intro’s you did….they are wicked!

    Sorry I haven’t been round much, the god’s have been against me…..all seems ok now, time will tell!

    have a great one

    c u round!

  16. Jesus Mayo & Joseph! That was funny! I get them all the time and collect them as well. Yours are better. Gee–I’ve never been jealous of another person’s spam before.

  17. Very funny. You get some weirdo junk mail.

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