Gunslinger Hero Kris

Dave and Jorge Talk About the Gunslinger

My friend Adrian got us onto the Dark Tower series by Stephen King. We even started a little role-playing server based on the series.

So, when Dave sent me this link, I was pretty stoked.

A Dark Tower comic series? By Jae Lee? Sign me up!

Of course we discussed it…

[Jorge & Dave are on the phone with each other, each scrolling through the site, looking at the propect of a new Dark Tower Series.]
Jorge: This looks really cool.
Dave: Check out the art. It’s freaking sweet.
I could get into this.
Dave: Did you check out the art?
Well, it’s Jae Lee. His stuff is amazing.
Dave: Yeah.
Man, that’s all I need. Another series to buy.
Dave: [Laughs.]
Jorge: Do you think it’ll be worth getting?
Dave: It does look pretty sweet.
Jorge: Will you be getting it?
Dave: I was just planning on reading yours.
Jorge: Bastard.
Dave: [Laughs.]
Jorge: Definitely blogging this.
Dave: Nice.
Jorge: Well, it’s cool because I have something to write about now.
Dave: Yeah?
Jorge: Yeah. You provide the inspiration, man. You are my sunshine.
Dave: Awww. That’s nice.
Jorge: You are my own personal leprachaun.
Dave: Er…Okay.
Jorge: You are one of the shoemaker’s faeries.
Dave: Don’t blog that.

It was only as I typed this that I remembered that it’s the Shoemaker’s Elves. I am such a sofa king*.

A Hero Lives Here.

Josephine was nice enough to make me my own superhero picture. So I figured the least I could do was appear on Oprah

[Scene fades to Oprah, sitting on her chair. The theme music and applause slowly fade away.]
Oprah: My next guest is a recently created superhero. He’s a nice guy who rights wrongs, and saves kittens from trees. Please welcome Gunshield!
[Gunshield walks in, looking uncomfortable, puts down his shield and gun to awkardly hug Oprah, picks them up and then takes a seat.]
Oprah: Hi Gunshield, thanks for being on our show!
Gunshield: [Looking around, smiling broadly.] Hi Oprah! Thanks for having me on your show! It’s weird being here.
Oprah: Really?
Gunshield: Well, I don’t really feel like a celebrity.
Oprah: Why not? I mean, you are a hero. Heroes need to be admired and given air time to express their views.
Gunshield: I suppose so. A lot of people don’t like how I do things. I’m still pretty new, so it’s been tough.
Oprah: Nice gun by the way.
Gunshield: [Looking down and then turning red.] I knew this costume was too tight…
Oprah: [Taken aback.] Er…I was referring to your firearm.
Gunshield: [Putting shield on lap.] Oh! Uh…Geez. Sorry.
Oprah: [Looks nervously at camera crew.] That’s ok. So what kind of powers do you have?
Gunshield: Well, I do have the ability to fly. I’m invulnerable to harm. I can run very fast and have unbelievable strength. I also can shoot beams from my eyes.
Oprah: Really?
Gunshield: Yeah. The beams thing is something I don’t use, though. I get too many splinters under my eyelids.
Oprah: Oookay….So…why do you have a gun and shield?
Gunshield: Because they’re cool! I use the shield as my own extra large plate when going to the buffet lines in restaurants. You wouldn’t believe how much soup I can get in this thing. Besides, Flying-Invulnerable-Fast-Strong-Beameyes-Man sounds stupid.
Oprah: So, earlier you referred to your methods being questionable. What did you mean by that?
Gunshield: There was a cat in a tree. And it would not come down. And I didn’t really want to touch the cat, because the owner said it had fleas. So I put my shield down on the ground under the branch where the cat was sitting, and took aim…
Oprah: You shot at the cat?
Gunshield: Well, I tried to shoot the branch, so it would fall and I could catch the cat in the shield. But I am kinda new at it…
Oprah: What happened?
Gunshield: I hit the cat. [Audience gasps.] Kidding!
Oprah: That’s a relief.
Gunshield: I actually hit a bird. It was pretty bad there were feathers ev-MMPH!
Oprah: [Putting her hand on Gunshield’s mouth.] Well, that’s all the time we have for today…

Poor, poor Gunshield…

Meeting Kris!

Today I get to meet Kris.

If I don’t report back by Monday, please call the authorities.

I wore my titanium cup today, in case she really is a cyborg that hates men.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, read this.

* – This refers to the wonderful little prank you play on people, where you get them to read these words: I AM WE TODD DID. I AM SOFA KING WE TODD DID.