Best LOL Within

Best Friend. Worst Influence

I am the king of idiots.

I suppose that should be capitalized…

Make that the King of Idiots, or Ye Olde Kinge of Idiotse.

When I was a child, I had a ridiculously high IQ (or so people tell me).

Then, I discovered beer and I set the record for degradation of IQ score. Consequently, I always end up getting myself into stupid situations because I can’t keep my mouth shut.

My good friends know that I will pretty much do anything if they dare me or make fun of me. Probably a throwback to childhood when people would make fun of me but I couldn’t actually do anything about it.

Here are some examples…

I was visiting Tien a few years ago, and his dad has an awesome sense of humour. His dad also knew that we’re mildly competitive with each other.

We were sitting in their living room and talking about mowing lawns…

Jorge: Is your backyard very big?
Tien’s Dad: Big enough. You know, Tien can cut the grass in fifteen minutes. That’s pretty fast.
Jorge: [Leaning out of his chair and checking out the lawn.] Really?
[Everyone laughs because they know Jorge is wondering if he could cut it faster.]

Here is another instance from a few weeks ago at Tien’s Stag. We were eating at Schwartz’s in Montréal. They have a combo that is essentially gigantic, and I wasn’t sure if I could eat it or not. I asked everyone what they were having…

Jorge: Tien, what are you having?
Tien: Number Six. Schwartz’s Combo.
Jorge: What about you, mano?
Dave: I don’t know. I’m hungry, but I’m not sure if- What the hell. I’ll have number six.
Jorge: I’m not sure if I want that combo. I mean, a nice smoked meat sandwich could hit the spot.
Dave: Well, that’s ok. You can eat what you want. You don’t have to get the number six [Looking down and smirking.].
Jorge: Bastard.

Of course, I ordered the Schwartz’s combo. It was good, but I think I offset the orbit of the Earth after eating that meal.

Fast forward to last week when Dave wrote this entry. He mentioned the National Novel Writing Month contest. Essentially, one has to write a novel in a month (at least 50000 words).

I almost dismissed this until I read this line at the end of the entry…

What do you think? Tell me what to do. And if you’ve got the yarbles, suffer with me.

I am such an idiot.

Of course I agreed to join him. And I actually might only have 3 weeks to do it if my wife and I end up going on vacation at the end of November.

This is like a 200-page Schwartz’s combo.

Let’s hope I can get through it.

ROTK LOL (Skip this if you are not the least bit geeky)

So, nerd that I am, I invited some friends over to watch Lord of the Rings: Return of the King on Saturday afternoon.

These types of events are usually chock full of good food and drinks. Yesterday was no exception.

I got to meet James, which was awesome. I MSN with him every now and then (sounds kinky), and so I know him in that respect. Now I can put a face to the typing, and he’s a pretty cool guy.

He lives just North of my friend Dave (not Dave but the other one), who was also coming down for the movie, but lacks vehicular mobility.

Rather than have Dave taking the not-so-reliable public transit system, I asked James if he could pick Dave up.

That must have been interesting*

[Doorbell rings. Dave opens door.]
James: Hi. I’m looking for Dave.
Dave: That’s me! You must be James.
James Yup! Ready to go?
Dave: Yes I am!
[Dave grabs his coat and his contribution to the potluck and they get in James’ car.]
Dave: So, are you a friend of Jorge’s?
James: Not really. You are, though, right?
Dave: Yeah. Um…Do you know him very well?
James: Not really.
Dave: Am I safe? Or should I jump out of the car now?

They seemed to have hit it off, though, as they weren’t trying to kill each other when I answered the door.

A few more people arrived and we settled in to watch the flick. The movie is longer than four hours, so we made sure to bring all of the food with us into the living room, so as to minimize disruption.

When I watch movies with my good friends, one of two scenarios happen…

  • We watch the movie in rapt silence, enjoying every minute
  • We insert our own funny commentary, enjoying every minute

Dave and I were quiet, but James started off and people started laughing. Once that happened, the floodgates opened and Dave and I set the commentary party ablaze (acutally, everyone had some hilarious lines).

I would have to say the best line was during a scene where Sauron’s Army marches forth from Minas Morgul. The Witch King of Angmar is flying on his fell beast over the canyon, where the road to the Black Gate is packed totally solid.

As the Nazgul flew over the army, Dave said…

Traffic is currently backed up all the way to Minas Morgul!

We all burst out laughing hysterically.

Positivity Needed. Apply Within.

A friend of mine is going through a tough time right now.

I don’t feel comfortable writing about the situation, out of respect for my friend. It’s nothing evil. It’s just a very sad event. If you have any spare positive thoughts/energy/prayers that you can send my way, I’ll pass them on.

If you know who I am talking about, please don’t mention names in the comments.

Due to my hero complex, I feel utterly helpless in situations like this.

* – This conversation is entirely ficticious.