What’s In a Name?

Learn How to Read!

Sometimes I really hate my name.

Throughout my life my name has been mispronounced, mangled, butchered and horribly castrated (poor, poor name).

For the record, the default pronunciation goes like this (for lack of phonetic symbols, I will just relate it to words you already know. Part of this is because some people do not know how to read phonetic symbols. The other part consists of my inherent laziness)…

Jorge = George

Figueiredo = Figure Aid Oh

Let us go through the list of acceptable pronunciations…

  • Hor-hey – Not so bad because it’s the Spanish way.
  • Hor-gey – Also sort of Spanishy.
  • Ghee-or-ghee – (Note those are hard G sounds) The Russian way.
  • Yoo-ri – Another Russian way.
  • Joh-jee – Korean.
  • Jackass – Term of endearment.
  • Figure Eight Oh – Not bad. The t at the end of eight is better as a d. But I’ll take this.
  • Fig Ray Doh – Also not bad.
  • Fig Lay Doh – A member of Ebay who purchased a monitor from me pronounced it this way. Also not so bad.

Let us now go through a sample of the list of unacceptable pronunciations. I will rate them with emoticons to allow you to understand my pain…

  • Jor-ghee Figdo 😦
  • Jor-oo Flower-ee-doh 😮
  • Ya-hor-gey Fig 😕
  • Hoh-sey Fiji-dehr-oh 😯

That last one was the most recent. The ironic thing is that the person left a message on my home voicemail asking for me, they used that travesty at the end of the bad list. After they left the message, they called me at work, and they pronounced my name right.


15 Responses

  1. Hohsey, we feel your pain!

    Well at least “Hor-gey” sounds like ORGY, so I know you’d
    like that! 😉

    Whaddya expect? Don’t you know the world is full of fucktards! Just ask Violent Margie!

    BTW, what does Mrs. J call you?

  2. “Slave”, “hey you”, “ass”

    Just kidding.

    She calls me “642”

  3. You lie! Mrs. J doesn’t have to call you anything. SHe just has to give you “the look” and no matter where you are, you shudder and say “Yes dear”.

    I can say this because Mrs. J already thinks I’m a bad influence anyway…. right Mrs. J?

  4. Mrs. J’s going to kick my ass next time I see her, isn’t she?

  5. Sorry, dude. With the first name I got (which will only be divulged under certain circumstances, typically involving at minimum people I trust and a good amount of alcohol to divulge) and the second name I’m using (for the uninitiated, “Reay” is pronounced “Ray”. Honest and true), you get no sympathy from me.

    Besides, if it’s that big a pain, you could always get your name changed to John Smith. Then you and Mrs. J would be Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Like the movie coming out, only not nearly as hot as the actors it features (sorry, folks, truth can sometimes hurt).

  6. Hohsey,

    Here in Brazil your surname would be pronounced



  7. People screw up mine too. So when I got married, I added a hyphen to it, and then more letters on the end. Hah.
    And though most people can spell Jamie, most people also do not fail to tell me it’s a boy’s name, and then they spell it Jaime because that’s the “girl” way. Thanks mom.
    No wonder I just go by an initial


  8. Angelina Jolie? Hotter than me? Yes.
    Plus they have all them fancy camera tricks to make them look hot. You know, Brad and Ang are only four feet tall, right?
    Poor, sweet deluded Reay.

    J: I think we may have you beat for hyphenation. My wife’s full name does not fit on a credit card. She has to have two just so that she can spend money properly. 😉

  9. Well I have to admitt I read this with a smile on my face only because of the humor in your writing of this..:)

    Now I suppose if I had a more unusual name, that people continuously mispronounced it would get to me after a while…

    Now when I come accross a name I am unsure of how it is pronounced… I ask gee is that no longer acceptable?
    hmmmm sure hope not 🙂
    Have a great Day!

  10. Dude,

    Are you saying that your name isn’t actually Horsey Fijidero? Well that would have been good information to have, like, WHEN I MET YOU THIRTEEN YEARS AGO!

    Talk about embarassing…

  11. Dave – You can get away with it because you look so hot in that french maid outfit.

    Barb – Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoy again sometime. At this point now, people mispronouncing my name just cause more amusment than anything else.

    I usually make it a point to ask someone if I have pronounced their name correctly. I’ve studied a few languages (to a small extent) so I’m usually not so bad at the pronuniation.

  12. Ha Ha Ha… Brilliant… It happens to me all of the time as well! (That’s why I go by my nickname “Drea”)…
    Leandra = Lay-On-Drrr(think french)-Ah
    Instead of = Lean-Draw
    or Lee-Ann-dree-Ah
    I’m sure that you get the picture…. I feel your pain…

  13. Tien,

    Are you shuddering right now? Because you should be! If not, I’ll get Nat to feed you a vegetarian meal! That’ll learn ya! 🙂

  14. […] believe I mentioned how not to pronounce my name in a previous entry. Said entry also has a guide on the acceptable way to pronounce my name. Clara, I hope this helps […]

  15. This is a gem.
    You have a name that people graviate to.
    Sometimes you don’t need that much gravity 😉

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