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Beering My Soul

I Was Canadian

Can someone tell me what happened to the Molson’s commercials? They went from being very Canadian to very…well….not Canadian.

Now, I know that there are many who will argue that Canadians pride themselves on not being American, and that we have no real defining characteristics that make us really distinct (with the exception of the coolest flag ever, and the fact that our National Capital is as secure as a 20 year-old training bra).

Why do I bring this subject up in the first place? Beer. Or rather, beer commercials.

Our beer commercials were much different before the Coors takeover. They were more laid back. More fun. There was far less ego, really. Just a couple of friends having a good time, but not working too hard to do so.

Now, however, it’s as if our beer commercials received an injection of “hypercoolness”. Canadians are portayed as being ultra-cool womanizers (even the women) with unlimited active sex appeal. They dress up in the latest trendy clothes, and they’re smug and over-confident in their top position in the world. Um, I don’t think so.

Canadians, for the most part, should be portrayed as more leisurely (bordering on lazy) in their partying. Oh yes, don’t get me wrong, we don’t sit at home and do nothing (unless the hockey game is on…oh….wait…). We do go to parties. We do have fun. But we don’t have to try to be cool. Our sex appeal is passive. That is, we are magnets, and the fun comes to us. We don’t have to go around pretending to be what we’re not.

We could be proud of our old commercials. Yes, we were definitely portrayed as having confidence. But it’s an ambivalent brand of confidence that made it less abrasive.

Now we just look like pricks.

On the flip side, the Keith’s commercials also need work. Those are just too homey.

Blowing Up the Future Single-Handedly!

The Future is Now

I was chatting with Reay on the phone the other day, letting him know that he should read my friend Cat‘s blog, as she really loves to read his (and has mentioned it in an entry of hers). He was flattered (as he should be, because Cat is cool), and agreed that he would mosey over there with his mouse sometime sooner than later.

He asked how I knew her. And then, immediately added…


“Did you know her Pre-Blog?


This cracked me up. Not that it is a particularly incorrect or silly thing to say. On the contrary, it is highly indicative of the craziness that has taken hold of us. This craziness (which I refer to as futurosity), is a wonderful thing. It is a sign that we are evolving into more intelligent and efficient creatures. It definitely saves some typing, to be sure.

Observe the following more cumbersome way of asking the same question…


Did you know her before she starting writing a Blog?


or


Did you know her before she started writing an online journal to allow people to be updated on the things in her life she feels she could share?


Damn. How annoying.

Three cheers for futurosity!


Napoleon Dynamite (Contains minor spoilers)

I watched this movie last night, and was howling silently (as my wife was sleeping, and I didn’t want to risk unholy wrath). It is a great movie.

At the same time, though, it was somewhat disturbing. I can see bits and pieces of myself in the character of Napoleon. His friend Pedro also reminds me of some of my friends that I had in high school as well. Actually, almost every character in there could be a representative of groups of people that I knew.

Napoleon is in his own world. One of those guys who is so uncool that he is cool (because he doesn’t really give a damn about what anyone else thinks of him). I wasn’t quite like that. I was uncool, and very conscious of it. I ended up coming off as a total geek most of the time, and pretty much fumbling over my own tongue trying to talk my way out of stupid situations.

All through grade school I was the guy that would sit on his own, that the girls would only dance with because they felt pity. And no, I’m not fishing here, this is the truth. I was always the nice guy*. The guy that girls would date to feel better about themselves. There is a part of the movie where Napoleon goes to the school dance with someone and she essentially leaves him just as they enter to hang out with her friends. I’ve felt the stinging bitterness of that very act.

It’s rare that a movie will make me uncomfortable about myself (discomfort in general – thrillers and horrors – a different feeling). At the same time, though, I hope that I have outgrown at least some of those traits. I mean, my wife is hot, so I must be doing something right!

Plus I feel a lot more confident in myself these days. You would find it hard to believe that I consider myself to be a shy person.

Crazy. This got a lot heavier than I intended. Ah well.

If you are comfortable with possibly facing some of your own demons, watch this movie. It is hilarious.




* Actually, that has sort of been one of the recurring themes in my life. Even my Capoeira nickname is gente-boa which can essentially be translated as “Nice Guy”. Mind you, I have had my moments of being a complete jackass, so the title may not be that appropriate.

Fig-tionary – March 21, 2005

amazong (Typo from Jorge on the weekend)

  1. Function: adjective – So remarkable as to elicit disbelief in someone’s amazon powers – Usage: Jorge’s ability to wear a Wonder Woman costume is amazong.


futurosity (Jorge plans to use this in an entry real soon)

  1. Function: noun – a futuristic attitude – taking on a futuristic characteristic to compensate for current societal shortcomings – Usage: Shatton, in his frustration with the lack of speed of communication, employed futurosity in his website to enhance efficiency.




*Remember, you can submit a request for a crazy definition for a typo by clicking here. You can read about the Fig-tionary here.

Hai-kuul – March 18, 2005

Poutine (Suggested by Ian)
Artery Clogging
Tates, Curd and Gravy Goodness
A Canuck Staple


It’s its own food group
A Québecois fantasy
Oops! There goes my health!


How oft do you see
A snack that goes down so well
Yet leaves so slowly?





*Remember, you can submit a topic to inspire your very own Haiku Poem by clicking here. You can read about Hai-Kuul here.

Fig-tionary

yoru (suggested by Tien based upon a Jorge typo)

  1. Function: adjective – of or relating to you or yourself or yourselves as possessor or possessors of powerful Norse objects – Usage: How is yoru new hammer working out, Thor?
  2. Function – adjective – of or relating to one or oneself as a Norse deity – Usage: Jorge said to Thor, “I think Mjolnr is sitting on the table to yoru right, buddy. “
  3. Function – adjective – used with little or no meaning as a substitution for the, but only for Norse gods and Danish people – Usage: Reay is not yoru average Joe.




*Remember, you can submit a request for a crazy definition for a typo by clicking here. You can read about the Fig-tionary here.