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Cuba Christian Mission

Posted on November 26, 2005 by Jorge

Off to Cuba

So we’re off to Cuba for the week!

It should be nice. We haven’t had a real vacation in a few years.

All of our vacations usually involve carting around canoes and backpacks, cooking in the rain on a campstove, and going to the can in outhouses.

It will be nice to relax. Not sure if I will be visiting blogland, but if not, please enjoy!



Thanks to Christian

Christian, thanks for taking care of things while we are gone. You rock. Don’t forget to catch up on the adventures of our favourite Ronin, Jin and Mugen.

So, Christian is doing his part to support Barking Space. Now, I have an assignment for the rest of you….



Your Mission, Should You Choose to Accept it

Some friends and I were having a debate. We were trying to figure out which group was cooler: Pirates or Ninjas.

Your assignment is to write me an essay in the comments field stating which group you think is cooler and why.

I figure that if I’m not around to update my blog, everyone else should pick up the slack so people who visit have something to read.

Whatever you write will most likely be better than the tripe that I usually write anyway!



And…


GO!

Filed under: Friends, General Dialogue, Interactive, Spaces Archive | 16 Comments »

Know Up

Posted on November 18, 2005 by Jorge

Things People Want To Know

Once in a while, I will get someone leaving a question in the comments field. Whether or not these questions are rhetorical or not, I don’t know. However, I’ve received enough of these to consider them valid.

I also get some of these questions via e-mail. I figure that if people take the time to e-mail me, I should answer them, whether they care or not.

I’ve grouped some of them together as I believe they are related…



1. How do you remember those conversations you have? Are they for real?

Most of the conversations I post are from chats I’ve had with Dave. Some of them are from years ago. I remember them because I have a pretty good memory. Are they accurate? For the most part. Whenever I am not sure about a part, or I can’t remember a particular line, I’ll consult with Dave.

Dave, though, isn’t the only one I have conversations with. The other conversations that I have logged on here stand out in my memory for some reason or another. It is because they stand out that they are easy to remember.  Funny things are also more easily remembered than boring things.

Unless I have stated otherwise, the conversations actually happened.


2. Do you write all the haiku poems yourself?

Yes. I do. Are all of them good? No. They are not. It is when I get a small number of requests at a time that I can properly address each one. To be honest, I would say for every twenty haiku, I have one that I feel is good. Given that I am at almost nine hundred right now, I think this is pretty respectable.


3. How do you find the time to do this blog?

Well, every night, I leave my computer on. At around 2 AM the keyboard starts clicking as my two cats write my entry for the day. I proof it, and then send it out as my own.

Seriously, I usually write down ideas and store them in a folder. When I am ready for the idea to hit the paper, it usually takes about a half hour to write an entry. Entries, on average, are between eight hundred and a thousand words. I’ll write them at night, or on my lunch break and then post them.


4. Is that picture of the Moon for real?

Yes it is. It’s also on sale. You should buy one, as it is a run of one hundred prints. For the month of November, half the money will go to help kids get better computers for their schools and such.



That’s good for now.

Please feel free to e-mail me if you have any more questions. You can also use the comments field.

I’m still looking for a tenth entry for my top ten.



KFed Up

This is probably an oft-repeated rant, but I really have to profess that I am sick of the media giving cutesy names to people.

Bennifer, TomKat and Brit are some of the idiotic nicknames given to celebrities.

Shortening people’s names is not always cool.

It makes you wonder what would happen with folks named Peter Nestor, or Vargas Regina.

I find that the whole move towards shortening everything is just causing people to become lazy. So not only do we get these hip ways to refer to people, I’m seeing teens writing complete crap and then wondering why they don’t do well in school.

Filed under: General Dialogue, Interactive, Spaces Archive | 11 Comments »

Quandry Questions

Posted on November 3, 2005 by Jorge

In a Quandry

So here’s the scoop.

My wife (also known as Mrs. Hai-Kuul, Mrs. Jorge and Your Wife) and I are trying to figure out where to go on a vacation before the end of the year.

There are 3 conditions…

  • It has to be a warm place
  • It can’t be too expensive
  • We only have seven business days left that we can take as vacation days


We’ve considered a cruise. The problem is the expense. If we were to go for our first time we’d want a really great room with a balcony. But those are mucho dinero. Even though I’ve been told that the food is amazing, the alcohol is not free.

Vegas is also on the short list. The question is, what is the weather like at the end of November in Vegas and the surrounding area?

We’ve also considered an all-inclusive resort. This seems to be leading the pack right now. A little bit of sacrifice in terms of food (not as good as cruise or Vegas gourmet restaurants), but the alcohol would be free.

Any ideas, folks? The sooner you can give us an idea, the better!*


The Questions

I tend to get a lot of questions in my comments sections.

Some of the questions are…

  • How do you think up this stuff?
  • Where do you get all your haiku ideas?
  • Are those conversations real?
  • Is Dave really as handsome as we think he is?**


I was wondering if people had any other questions that they might want to ask, as I was thinking about answering some of the more frequently asked ones.




* – Cornwall would only be an option if Jamie was still living there.
** – Indeed. Dave is a hunky, hunky man. But not as hunky as Kris with her faux mutton chops.

Filed under: General Dialogue, Interactive, Spaces Archive | 20 Comments »

Book Meeting

Posted on October 26, 2005 by Jorge

Don’t Judge a Book…

So another gigantic lottery has come and gone.

Some lucky person has walked away with over fifty million dollars.

I received a scratch card from an insurance company in the mail yesteday. I didn’t bother to do anything with it at the time, so I brought it to work this morning with me.

I settled down, had some breakfast and took a gander at the card.

I scratched the card with my fork to reveal what I thought would be a try again or a better luck next time kind of message.

Instead, the following message was revealed…



GETAWAY


My heart skipped a beat.

I looked inside the card and read the message that said a vacation prize was up for grabs. A vaction prize worth up to six thousand dollars.

I began to sweat.

I logged into the website indicated on the card to see what I needed to do. It prompted me for a bunch of information, which I promptly filled out. After I submitted this data, a form popped up again, prompting me to enter the code word from the scratch card.

I typed in the word GETAWAY and prepared for my prize…



SORRY, THIS CODE WORD IS INVALID. BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME.


Yes.

So, I’m in a great mood now.

Bring on the junk mail!



A Meeting of the Minds

Tomorrow, I meet the Kris: blog celebrity and woman-about-town.

Dave and I always talk about how we have so many awesome bloggers on our links pages, and about how we would feel if we ever met them.

Admittedly (between the two of us), there are a number of stomach-butterfly-inducing scenarios revolving around meeting fellow bloggers

This may be one of them.

Kris recently met up with four other bloggers just a short while ago and had a great time. This just serves to increase the pressure on our get-together tomorrow night. I worry that I might come off as the human equivalent of Pablum*.

To combat this unease, I find it helpful to run through some scenarios in my mind before any meeting, be it work-related or non work-related.

Let’s see what we can see…



Scenario 1 – Jorge Loses His Comedic Timing

[Jorge walks into the meeting place where Kris specified. Jorge recognizes her and casually walks up. He’s feeling a little nervous. Kris stands up and smiles.]

Kris: Jorge? Nice to meet you!
Jorge: [His face twitches.] Your mama.
Kris: Huh?
Jorge: You wish!
Kris: Are you all right? You’re not making sense.
Jorge: [Giggling madly.] Cheque please.



Scenario 2 – Jorge Tries too Hard

[Jorge walks into the meeting place where Kris specified. Jorge recognizes her and casually walks up. He’s feeling a little nervous. He wanted to demonstrate all aspects of his personality to make a good impression. With this in mind, he decided to wear a three-piece suit, a fedora, a Superman cape and no shoes.]

Jorge: [Walking up to Kris.] Hi. You must be Kris.
Kris: [Shocked at his appearance. Fumbling words.] Pardon? I think you have me confused for someone else.
Jorge: [Removing his hat and scratching his head.] Well, you sure look like her. You’re even wearing the same clothes she said she’d be wearing.
Kris: [Hesitation gone now.] Nope. She left. She told me to tell you that she had to go home now. [To waiter.] Cheque Please!



Scenario 3 – The Unexpected

[Jorge walks into the meeting place where Kris specified. Jorge recognizes her and casually walks up. He’s feeling a little nervous. Kris stands up and takes the initiative.]

Kris: Are you Jorge?
Jorge: [Smiling.] Yes! Hi Kris. Nice to meet you! [Extends hand in greeting.]
Kris: [Takes Jorge’s hand. Squeezes with crushing force, causing Jorge to drop to his knees.] I have been sent from the future to kill you.
Jorge: [Wincing in pain.] WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

[Suddenly, several shots are fired. Kris loosens her grip as she has just been shot in the head. Jorge gawks. Kris’ head is splayed out in all directions, but slowly flowing back to re-form. A woman runs up, smoking gun in hand, and pulls Jorge away from the assassin. Jorge looks at his rescuer and sees…the real Kris!]

The Real Kris: [Looking at Jorge inquisitively.] Are you Jorge?
Jorge: [Rubbing the pain out of his crushed hand.] Yeah. What’s going on here?
The Real Kris: Come with me if you want to live.


Wow. The more scenarios I come up with, the more fun it seems this will be!

In all seriousness, I believe it will be a great time. It’s always fun meeting new folks, especially ones you sort of know from their writing (Ian & James – You guys rock. Jay – you are next!). I really enjoy reading Kris‘ work, and so I have a great deal of respect for her**.

I’ll post about it over the weekend if I can. Otherwise, it will be Monday.




* – Insult courtesy of Dave. He thought this up just for me.
** – Do yourself a favour and go read her blog! You’ll know what I’m talking about when you do.

Filed under: Friends, General Dialogue, Spaces Archive | 17 Comments »

Spam Think Canadian

Posted on October 24, 2005 by Jorge

Spam Names

And so, another weekend has come and gone.

I was perusing my junk mail folder last night and picked out the following group of entertaining spam originator names.

Rather than just listing them, I’ve decided to create a little office scenario, and assign some personality to each fake name.

I think it’s a lot more entertaining this way…


Simmering G. Overseers – The perpetual angry boss. Mrs. Overseers is a micromanager’s micromanager. Always looking over the shoulder of her underlings, she stalks about the office, her face a slight reddish twinge, grinding her teeth and exuding steam from her brain.

Crumbliest G. Tabulating – This poor young soul is overworked and underpaid. Working as Mrs. Overseers’ accountant, he’s constantly falling apart from the pressure that is brought by her constant surveillance.

Cattails B. Unkempt – This bookish archivist works long hours for low pay. Her frizzy hair and messy attire are a step towards explaining the problems the office is having locating any documents from before the previous month. Why so unkempt? Too much time in the garden, taking care of “weeds”.

Compensations T. Pet – This payroll worker is the apple of everyone’s eye. She does her job well and looks great to boot. Nobody can place her exotic accent, nor can they figure out her heritage from her other-worldy, beautiful appearance. To the untrained eye it appears that she is under the sway of the higher management types. However, upon closer inspection, it is she who leads them all with a short leash.

Roomful E. Furthest – This portly gentleman has been cursed with a biological weight problem. As if this wasn’t bad enough, he also seems to emit a noxious odour that is repugnant to all but the toughest flies. Sitting low on the totem pole, one would think him assigned to a cubicle like everyone else. However, due to both of his unfortunate traits, he has been assigned to his own office on the opposite side of the building from everyone else.

Waxwing M. Supremacist – The president of our motley crew. His creepy demeanor, racist attitude and oily appearance spook a lot of the people, but none more than the women who work in the office. They are constantly avoiding his lecherous gaze and busy hands. The only one in the office not afraid of him is Miss Pet, who seems to cause him some distress. He thinks her an extremely attractive women, yet she is a “foreigner”. He tends to keep his distance from her.

Benito M. Feliciano – Salesman extraordinaire. This curly-haired adonis walks about in his expensive suits and highly-polished shoes. He is the paragon of confidence. His muscled body apparent beneath his threads. The women in the office swoon when he walks by. Ironically, he only has eyes for young Mr. Tabulating…

Trumpeting O. Sleet – She is the receptionist and switchboard operator all rolled into a sweaty package. She’s never been able to figure out why she gets the cold sweats all the time. It’s not that she’s nervous, nor is she afraid of anything (except Waxwing, who really gets under her skin). No. It’s just one of those mysteries she can’t figure out. The rest of the office is glad that she’s around. Due to her loud voice, they save on public address systems.

Jesus Mayo – The wildcard. He doesn’t actually work in the office, but rather at the deli down the street. A humble man, bearded, in casual clothes, he can make the most heavenly sandwiches in the city. People who eat his food tend to start seeing auras and feeling really groovy. As of yet, no one has ever caught the street urchins transporting large amounts of E into his pantry.


And there we have it. Our dysfunctional office scenario.

I actually quite enjoyed that. I might do that again if the names that appear in my junk mail folder are as interesting as these.



Something To Think About

I’ve been watching a few people lately who have made a career out of changing careers. While I admire their tenacity, I’ve discovered that they’ve painted themselves into a corner by earning themselves a nomadic reputation.

What ever happened to having an open mind about what you are doing right now?

Sometimes the best journeys are the ones inside that start with what you know.

Chasing your dreams can be good. Just make sure to look at the ground every once in a while, to make sure you avoid those nasty cliffs.



A Canadian Project

A thought has been working itself through my brain for the last week or so.

I’ve spoken to Ian and Dave about it. I’ve also dropped hints to Cat.

If anyone is curious about this endeavour, please e-mail me.

I’d post the idea here, but I only really want serious inquiries, and I really want to keep it quiet until it’s done.

Filed under: General Dialogue, Humour, Spaces Archive | 17 Comments »

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