Barking Space

Don’t Judge a Book…

So another gigantic lottery has come and gone.

Some lucky person has walked away with over fifty million dollars.

I received a scratch card from an insurance company in the mail yesteday. I didn’t bother to do anything with it at the time, so I brought it to work this morning with me.

I settled down, had some breakfast and took a gander at the card.

I scratched the card with my fork to reveal what I thought would be a try again or a better luck next time kind of message.

Instead, the following message was revealed…

GETAWAY

My heart skipped a beat.

I looked inside the card and read the message that said a vacation prize was up for grabs. A vaction prize worth up to six thousand dollars.

I began to sweat.

I logged into the website indicated on the card to see what I needed to do. It prompted me for a bunch of information, which I promptly filled out. After I submitted this data, a form popped up again, prompting me to enter the code word from the scratch card.

I typed in the word GETAWAY and prepared for my prize…

SORRY, THIS CODE WORD IS INVALID. BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME.

Yes.

So, I’m in a great mood now.

Bring on the junk mail!

A Meeting of the Minds

Tomorrow, I meet the Kris: blog celebrity and woman-about-town.

Dave and I always talk about how we have so many awesome bloggers on our links pages, and about how we would feel if we ever met them.

Admittedly (between the two of us), there are a number of stomach-butterfly-inducing scenarios revolving around meeting fellow bloggers

This may be one of them.

Kris recently met up with four other bloggers just a short while ago and had a great time. This just serves to increase the pressure on our get-together tomorrow night. I worry that I might come off as the human equivalent of Pablum*.

To combat this unease, I find it helpful to run through some scenarios in my mind before any meeting, be it work-related or non work-related.

Let’s see what we can see…

Scenario 1 – Jorge Loses His Comedic Timing

[Jorge walks into the meeting place where Kris specified. Jorge recognizes her and casually walks up. He’s feeling a little nervous. Kris stands up and smiles.]

Kris: Jorge? Nice to meet you!
Jorge: [His face twitches.] Your mama.
Kris: Huh?
Jorge: You wish!
Kris: Are you all right? You’re not making sense.
Jorge: [Giggling madly.] Cheque please.

Scenario 2 – Jorge Tries too Hard

[Jorge walks into the meeting place where Kris specified. Jorge recognizes her and casually walks up. He’s feeling a little nervous. He wanted to demonstrate all aspects of his personality to make a good impression. With this in mind, he decided to wear a three-piece suit, a fedora, a Superman cape and no shoes.]

Jorge: [Walking up to Kris.] Hi. You must be Kris.
Kris: [Shocked at his appearance. Fumbling words.] Pardon? I think you have me confused for someone else.
Jorge: [Removing his hat and scratching his head.] Well, you sure look like her. You’re even wearing the same clothes she said she’d be wearing.
Kris: [Hesitation gone now.] Nope. She left. She told me to tell you that she had to go home now. [To waiter.] Cheque Please!

Scenario 3 – The Unexpected

[Jorge walks into the meeting place where Kris specified. Jorge recognizes her and casually walks up. He’s feeling a little nervous. Kris stands up and takes the initiative.]

Kris: Are you Jorge?
Jorge: [Smiling.] Yes! Hi Kris. Nice to meet you! [Extends hand in greeting.]
Kris: [Takes Jorge’s hand. Squeezes with crushing force, causing Jorge to drop to his knees.] I have been sent from the future to kill you.
Jorge: [Wincing in pain.] WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

[Suddenly, several shots are fired. Kris loosens her grip as she has just been shot in the head. Jorge gawks. Kris’ head is splayed out in all directions, but slowly flowing back to re-form. A woman runs up, smoking gun in hand, and pulls Jorge away from the assassin. Jorge looks at his rescuer and sees…the real Kris!]

The Real Kris: [Looking at Jorge inquisitively.] Are you Jorge?
Jorge: [Rubbing the pain out of his crushed hand.] Yeah. What’s going on here?
The Real Kris: Come with me if you want to live.

Wow. The more scenarios I come up with, the more fun it seems this will be!

In all seriousness, I believe it will be a great time. It’s always fun meeting new folks, especially ones you sort of know from their writing (Ian & James – You guys rock. Jay – you are next!). I really enjoy reading Kris‘ work, and so I have a great deal of respect for her**.

I’ll post about it over the weekend if I can. Otherwise, it will be Monday.

* – Insult courtesy of Dave. He thought this up just for me.
** – Do yourself a favour and go read her blog! You’ll know what I’m talking about when you do.

Filed under: Friends, General Dialogue, Spaces Archive | 17 Comments »

Best Friend. Worst Influence

I am the king of idiots.

I suppose that should be capitalized…

Make that the King of Idiots, or Ye Olde Kinge of Idiotse.

When I was a child, I had a ridiculously high IQ (or so people tell me).

Then, I discovered beer and I set the record for degradation of IQ score. Consequently, I always end up getting myself into stupid situations because I can’t keep my mouth shut.

My good friends know that I will pretty much do anything if they dare me or make fun of me. Probably a throwback to childhood when people would make fun of me but I couldn’t actually do anything about it.

Here are some examples…

I was visiting Tien a few years ago, and his dad has an awesome sense of humour. His dad also knew that we’re mildly competitive with each other.

We were sitting in their living room and talking about mowing lawns…

Jorge: Is your backyard very big?
Tien’s Dad: Big enough. You know, Tien can cut the grass in fifteen minutes. That’s pretty fast.
Jorge: [Leaning out of his chair and checking out the lawn.] Really?
[Everyone laughs because they know Jorge is wondering if he could cut it faster.]

Here is another instance from a few weeks ago at Tien’s Stag. We were eating at Schwartz’s in Montréal. They have a combo that is essentially gigantic, and I wasn’t sure if I could eat it or not. I asked everyone what they were having…

Jorge: Tien, what are you having?
Tien: Number Six. Schwartz’s Combo.
Jorge: What about you, mano?
Dave: I don’t know. I’m hungry, but I’m not sure if- What the hell. I’ll have number six.
Jorge: I’m not sure if I want that combo. I mean, a nice smoked meat sandwich could hit the spot.
Dave: Well, that’s ok. You can eat what you want. You don’t have to get the number six [Looking down and smirking.].
Jorge: Bastard.

Of course, I ordered the Schwartz’s combo. It was good, but I think I offset the orbit of the Earth after eating that meal.

Fast forward to last week when Dave wrote this entry. He mentioned the National Novel Writing Month contest. Essentially, one has to write a novel in a month (at least 50000 words).

I almost dismissed this until I read this line at the end of the entry…

What do you think? Tell me what to do. And if you’ve got the yarbles, suffer with me.

I am such an idiot.

Of course I agreed to join him. And I actually might only have 3 weeks to do it if my wife and I end up going on vacation at the end of November.

This is like a 200-page Schwartz’s combo.

Let’s hope I can get through it.

ROTK LOL (Skip this if you are not the least bit geeky)

So, nerd that I am, I invited some friends over to watch Lord of the Rings: Return of the King on Saturday afternoon.

These types of events are usually chock full of good food and drinks. Yesterday was no exception.

I got to meet James, which was awesome. I MSN with him every now and then (sounds kinky), and so I know him in that respect. Now I can put a face to the typing, and he’s a pretty cool guy.

He lives just North of my friend Dave (not Dave but the other one), who was also coming down for the movie, but lacks vehicular mobility.

Rather than have Dave taking the not-so-reliable public transit system, I asked James if he could pick Dave up.

That must have been interesting*…

[Doorbell rings. Dave opens door.]
James: Hi. I’m looking for Dave.
Dave: That’s me! You must be James.
James Yup! Ready to go?
Dave: Yes I am!
[Dave grabs his coat and his contribution to the potluck and they get in James’ car.]
Dave: So, are you a friend of Jorge’s?
James: Not really. You are, though, right?
Dave: Yeah. Um…Do you know him very well?
James: Not really.
Dave: Am I safe? Or should I jump out of the car now?

They seemed to have hit it off, though, as they weren’t trying to kill each other when I answered the door.

A few more people arrived and we settled in to watch the flick. The movie is longer than four hours, so we made sure to bring all of the food with us into the living room, so as to minimize disruption.

When I watch movies with my good friends, one of two scenarios happen…

• We watch the movie in rapt silence, enjoying every minute
• We insert our own funny commentary, enjoying every minute

Dave and I were quiet, but James started off and people started laughing. Once that happened, the floodgates opened and Dave and I set the commentary party ablaze (acutally, everyone had some hilarious lines).

I would have to say the best line was during a scene where Sauron’s Army marches forth from Minas Morgul. The Witch King of Angmar is flying on his fell beast over the canyon, where the road to the Black Gate is packed totally solid.

As the Nazgul flew over the army, Dave said…

Traffic is currently backed up all the way to Minas Morgul!

We all burst out laughing hysterically.

Positivity Needed. Apply Within.

A friend of mine is going through a tough time right now.

I don’t feel comfortable writing about the situation, out of respect for my friend. It’s nothing evil. It’s just a very sad event. If you have any spare positive thoughts/energy/prayers that you can send my way, I’ll pass them on.

If you know who I am talking about, please don’t mention names in the comments.

Due to my hero complex, I feel utterly helpless in situations like this.

* – This conversation is entirely ficticious.

Filed under: Friends, General Dialogue, Spaces Archive | 16 Comments »

Canadian Appreciation Week – Favourite Canadian Spacers

This sounds like something that will result in a trip to Home Depot. In reality it is celebrating the Spaces of Canadians.

Now, I am not one to stick to convention, so you shouldn’t be surprised that I will be bending the rules a little on this one.

From what I’ve seen most folks participating in this particular blog project are writing short descriptions of their favourite Canadian Spaces along with links so that the faithful reader can click and enjoy these Spaces themselves.

I’ve actually been doing that for a while with the Blog Tome on the top menu of my blog. There are a fair number of Canadians in that directory, so I don’t feel as if I should really just cut and paste.

Instead, I will post only one link to one Spacer* who I feel is one of the unsung heroes of the MSN Spaces universe…

Absolute Infinity – Karen’s space is like going to a nice cottage. It offers a wonderful escape from the everyday, stressful life that a lot of us have. She has a variety of things to read and do on her page if you choose to follow. Karen is a warm and caring person who also tries to visit all the people that visit her. So go give her a visit, and see why I think she’s so great!

But Why Stop There?

Spaces is great, but in a world where we all need to get along, I think some hats need to be tipped to those who are not under the MSN umbrella. Dave and Jay would make almost every list, so I’m going to share some of my other favourite non-MSN bloggers from Canada…

Favourite Non-Spaces Canadian Bloggers

Shaun Hatton – Shaun is the paragon of innocent honesty. You can also replace the word ‘innocent’ with ‘brutal’. Not that this is a bad thing. Hell no. Shaun calls it like he sees it. His blog was created entirely by him. So I guess he would classify as in independent. On top of being a great columnist, he is also a wonderful friend. Go check him out!

Videogamey – Videogamey is a hilarious site. Obviously the topic is all about video games, but the repartée is wicked-cool. There is usually a post a day, about various topics. On top of it all, you can make suggestions. Definitely the place to go if you want to get reviews on games by people who are just like you and me. Well, maybe more like me.

Pushing the Envelope Further

While I’m at it, I’ll ditch the Canadian Elitism and move onto our neighbours from the South…

Favourite American Bloggers

I’m Not a Girl, Not Yet a Wino – This talented writer hooked me from her comments left on Dave‘s site. She’s got a sharp tongue, and the intelligence to use it properly. She writes about anything and everything that she can get her hands on with enjoyable results. No matter what you read, you will always leave with new thoughts. She is as insightful and wise as she is witty. The people that frequent her comments section also add further enjoyment. Kris’ blog is like an ongoing conversation. Go give her a read!

Three Cats In a One Bedroom Apartment – Julie rocks. Her and her writing team (composed of her three cats) are a force to be reckoned with. She writes about her views of the world, and they can be damned funny. Oh yes, she also has nice calves.

Favourite Wannabe Canadian Blogger

The Shellie – If you are ever fortunate enough to be granted access, you’ll enjoy Shellie’s view of the world. She logs her days in this Space, and always has a positive spin on things. Go check her out, if you’re allowed.

I Am a Horrible Person

For obvious reasons (space restriction, human frailty, IQ of 7, etc.) I will have forgotten some people from here. This is by no means an indication that I don’t read your work, or hate you. In fact, you are probably in the Blog Tome, and most likely have been there for quite some time.

If you are not in the Blog Tome, and feel you should be, please drop me a line at barkingspace@rogers.com, and I will add you. I am human, after all.

Well, mostly…

* – Nothing like new lingo that sounds dorky.

Filed under: Friends, General Dialogue, Spaces Archive | 6 Comments »