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Hai-Kuul – June 16, 2005

Posted on June 16, 2005 by Jorge

Open Bar (Requested by The Shellie)
Much more expensive
But worth the price to see your
Friends act like morons


What Do You Mean Your Cousin Isn’t Being Invited? (Requested by The Shellie)
I heard a rumour
Someone didn’t make the cut
Whose wedding is this?


Chicken or Beef (Requested by The Shellie)
You offered a choice
Which would people want to eat
Why not pick ’em both?


Macarena is On the Do Not Play List (Requested by The Shellie)
Latin line dancing
And you decide to nix it?
A wise decision


These next two were not requested on the Hai-Kuul request page, but I’ll do them anyway, because I like Pat.


Pets That Miss You (Requested by WizenedDragonPK)
You left them behind
To avoid the quarantine
They still miss you though


Dutch Coffeeshops (Requested by WizenedDragonPK)
A warm cup of Joe
Served with a side of fresh Pot
More bang for your buck


Princess_castle apparently loves her exclamation points. Enthusiasm does not go unnoticed.


Oh My Love… (Requested by princess_castle)
I gaze in your eyes
I am compelled to tell you
Your hair is on fire


Burned Pizza Tastes Good???? Yuck!!! (Requested by princess_castle)
You must be crazy
Charred cheese and pepperoni
Bad combination


The Battle of the Hai-Kuul Requesters…Armistice!!! (Requested by princess_castle)
The dust has settled
The Hai-Kuul request queens stare
At the mess they made


Where is My Prince Charming? (Requested by princess_castle)
Must I kiss a frog
To be with my truest love?
Time for dial-a-date


Jalebis (Requested by princess_castle)
East Indian treat
Made with sugar, syrup and
Dipped in more sugar


Don’t Be That Curious (Requested by princess_castle)
The questions you ask
Lead me to believe that you
Are a stalking freak


Don’t Worry Now That I Am Here (Requested by princess_castle)
You can all relax
I have all under control
I am Superman


Heavy Eyes (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
It’s been a long day
You feel so very weary
Longing for your sleep


Finally! (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
I have been waiting
Four months for this great moment
Will you marry me?




*Remember, you can submit a topic to inspire your very own Haiku Poem by clicking here. You can read about Hai-Kuul here.

Filed under: Hai-Kuul, Spaces Archive | 5 Comments »

Take a Chance on SPAM!

Posted on June 16, 2005 by Jorge

Take A Chance

I was chatting with Dave the other day, and for one reason or another the subject turned to a John Woo flick called Hard Target.

Incidentally, that movie sucked the big wang in the sky. Jean-Claude Van Damme was up to his normal level of acting, which is located somewhere between a paramecium and a diseased lemming. Wilford Brimley brought all of that talent from the Quaker Oats commercials and put it to good use with the most horrible cajun accent ever. On top of all that, the movie is by John Woo, so half of it will be in slow motion, theoretically making it a third longer than it should have been.

There were two great parts of the movie though. Lines, actually. One of them involves JCVD facing off against some punks on the street. One of them is brandishing a weapon (a staff or something). JCVD utters the line (complete with the Accentotron5000 Phonetic Spellometer™)…


Now tehk yor PIG STICK, an’ yor bohfriend, and fahnd eh bus tew catch.*


Such great writing deserves an Oscar Nomination. Alas, this was not to be.

The other great line was in all the commercials. Briefly, the premise of the movie is that an evil guy (Lance Henriksen) charges people money for a service he provides. He gets old war vets with combat experience to be the prey in a manhunt with live weapons. If the vets win, they get paid. Losing entails being killed in some way. JCVD ends up getting mixed up with a woman whose father was a homeless war vet. JCVD follows the clues, figures out the operation, and challenges the evil people (who try to kill him). Near the end of the movie, JCVD turns the tables on the hunters, and has them pinned in a warehouse. At this point he shouts out…


‘Ow duz eet fihl tew be hantahd!!!?**


To which Lance answers…

You tell me!


What’s funny about that? Well, Dave was over once, probably playing trivial pursuit with me, when I yelled out to my youngest brother the JCVD line. He didn’t remember the right response (he was ten or eleven, so he had other stuff occupying his brain at that time). The following are some examples, which may actually only be funny to us…


JORGE: ‘Ow duz eet fihl tew be hantahd!!!?
RYAN: I don’t remember!


JORGE: ‘Ow duz eet fihl tew be hantahd!!!?
RYAN: Not bad!


JORGE: ‘Ow duz eet fihl tew be hantahd!!!?
RYAN: Pretty good, you?


JORGE: ‘Ow duz eet fihl tew be hantahd!!!?
RYAN: Mom!


Good times.



Spam Stands For Stupid People Annoy Me

The increase of SPAM in our everyday lives is a constant annoyance. The internet seems to be composed of one half information and one half SPAM (Thank god John Woo is not in charge of the SPAM or there would be twice as much of it due to slow motion).

My inbox is constantly being barraged with ads for Viagra, Cialis, hot and horny housewives desperate for action, and occasionally the opportunity to garner a college degree from somewhere (another planet, I think).

What’s been more disturbing lately is the fact that a lot of the names in the from field in the header are from familiar sounding people. The first or last names are from actual people in my contact list. Whether this is intentional or not, I don’t know. It scares the crap out of me.

This means that I have to carefully sift through things to make sure that my friends’ correspondence does not get wiped out.

Yesterday, though, I got an e-mail regarding hot models (who want to do me anytime, anywhere for a low low price) from someone named…


…wait for it…


Brontosaurus B. Intemperance


What in the hell is that name?

Definitely not one that would make me pause, thinking hmm, I wonder what my old pal Bronty has sent me today? Wow. Apparently SPAMmers take one step forward and two steps back.

God bless ’em.




* – Now take your pig stick, and your boyfriend, and find a bus to catch.
** – How does it feel to be hunted?

Filed under: Anecdotes, Rants, Spaces Archive | Tagged: , , , | 10 Comments »

Hai-Kuul – June 15, 2005

Posted on June 15, 2005 by Jorge

Sideways (Requested by Christine)
An age-old story
Wino and womanizer
A bachelor’s trip


Roxie (Requested by Christine)
One of Christine’s cats
She has two of those felines
The other one’s Max


Toe Ring (Requested by Christine)
Wouldn’t it be odd
If Hercules’ power ring
Wasn’t for fingers?


Obsession With the Little White Envelope (Requested by Christine)
In the status bar
This insidious bastard
Shouts out check your mail!


Office Linebacker (Requested by Christine)
Terrible Terry
Cleaning up the workplace with
Extreme prejudice


Speaker Phone Sux (Requested by Christine)
Nothing is worse than
Having your own privacy
So violated


Don’t Talk to Me (Requested by princess_castle)
I can’t believe you
Why say that out in public?
You’re in the dog house


The Biiiggg…Bang (Requested by princess_castle)
Is it chemical?
Or is it mechanical?
Innuendo rules!


U Drive Me Nuts (Requested by princess_castle)
Squirrels everywhere
Patiently wait for this guy
Delivery man


Awww…I Am So Sorry (Requested by princess_castle)
Where’s your sandcastle?
And why is the beach higher
Where I am standing?


Dandelions (Requested by Drea)
Yellow and vibrant
Mysteriously turns to
Ethereal white


Wobbly Knees (Requested by Drea)
I can barely stand
Why did I drop the soap, now?
I so hate prison


From the Cradle (Requested by Drea)
Music is my life
As a babe I would cry notes
Sing myself to sleep


Capricorn (Requested by Drea)
Good side: Practical
Bad side: Miserly, grudging
Looks like: A tough goat


Starlight (Requested by Drea)
Beaming from heaven
Serves to inspire some of us
To close eyes and wish


Drea already requested Nottingham in a previous entry. There is no need to repeat it.


Aurora (Requested by Drea)
Treasure of the sky
Ever changing and endless
Like rainbow angels


Darlin’ (Requested by Drea)
My one and only
This nickname for you is cute
And mildly rural


Tom Sawyer (Requested by Drea)
A story of youth
Mark Twain himself calls this tale
A hymn to boyhood


Dawn (Requested by Drea)
You don’t need a lot
Why, even a single drop
Can wash all these plates!


Sunny Side Up (Requested by Drea)
A yellow circle
Liquid yolk contained within
Go ahead. Dig in!


Mercy Me (Requested by Drea)
One of the best songs
Nostalgic and touches you
Marvin Gaye’s finest


Scented Candles (Requested by Drea)
A great idea
For those who live in houses
With stinky bathrooms


Kodak (Requested by Drea)
Capture emotion
Preserve all your memories
With silver halide




*Remember, you can submit a topic to inspire your very own Haiku Poem by clicking here. You can read about Hai-Kuul here.

Filed under: Hai-Kuul, Spaces Archive | 4 Comments »

What’s the Art of Camping Updated With Shouts?

Posted on June 15, 2005 by Jorge

What’s In a Name Again?

I believe I mentioned how not to pronounce my name in a previous entry. Said entry also has a guide on the acceptable way to pronounce my name. Clara, I hope this helps you. Why it is pronounced “George” is due to what my parents called me.



The Art of Balance

The way things have been lately, this blog might as well be called Hai-Kuul Space or something along those lines. I have been under a constant barrage of requests since the contests started a little while ago.

Indeed, the curve that represents the requests versus time is so steep that I wondered at some points if it was going to curl back upon itself and cause some sort of webspace anomaly, but as of yet this has not occurred.

Now this is not to say that I don’t like these requests. I do enjoy them, and those of you who put lots of work into thinking up the requests should be happy to know this.

However, as stated in a previous entry, all the haiku leave less time for other things (like the Fig-tionary, and the everyday life of me which is very interesting, really).

I suppose the key to doing this is all about balance. This is something I am still learning on the blogopshere (whatever the hell that means).

In all honesty, I can probably churn out about a hundred haiku an hour if the mood takes me. As impressive as this may sound, it leaves little time for anything else during my lunch break, or the time at night after I finish playing online games with friends or checking my e-mail.

When blogging becomes too much work, then something is wrong.

And so I am going to throttle down a little, and answer a fixed number per day. Not only will this give me some breathing room, but it will also allow me to not have to worry about printing up prizes for the nth request practically every week. Oh, there will still be contests, but we must all be patient.



Camping Trip

This weekend will be an interesting one. I am going camping with a group of my friends from K-rot. It should be a great experience.

A variety of folks are going with different ways of thinking and attitude, but it should be a good time.

I’m looking forward to shooting some more sunrises and sunsets, and also taking some photographs for a friend’s kobudo package.



Photography Update

I will be doing a show at Salvador Darling in July. It should be great. I will be teaming up with my buddy Mark Furman for this venture.

The theme has not been determined yet, but rest assured that we will dazzle you with our work. Or at least you can have some free munchies during the open house.



Shout Outs

Shout outs to Courtney and her clan for graduating and rising from the status as students to the much more glorious title of unemployed. Shout outs to Mugen for the same thing.

Also a tip of the hat to T&M Rhee who tied the knot this weekend. M is a triple threat this year, gaining her PhD, Goju Black Belt, and a Korean man-servant all within the space of half a year. Way to go!

Filed under: Friends, General Dialogue, Photography, Spaces Archive | 6 Comments »

Hai-Kuul – June 14, 2005

Posted on June 14, 2005 by Jorge

Creamy Potatoes (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
Boiled and then sliced up
Cooked with chives and some cheddar
They melt in your mouth


Weddin In Jeans (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
See the good ol’ boys
Convention thrown far away
Or are they just roont?


My Secondary Workstation Can Suck My Ass if It Crashes One More Time Today (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
Crashing all the time
My workstation drives me nuts
I want to kick it


Just Eat It (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
Your peas just sit there
Like dejected green eyeballs
No dessert for you


Summer? (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
This onslaught of heat
Is an answer to all the
Ungrateful people


Fatty Liver (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
Piled high on my plate
Sits my giant nemesis
I must eat this thing


Sacre Coeur (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
Protected from all
But shown to a chosen few
A precious rhythm


Trigger Finger (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
I have you in sight
And I feel the famous itch
My finger pulls back…


Shiny (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
Both eyes grow so wide
At the sight of such riches
You are a magpie


Catch it Quickly (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
It’s getting away
Don’t you dare let it escape
Last one of its kind!


But… (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
A very small word
Which can bring a screeching halt
To big ideas


Let Me Clip That For You (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
There is a small hair
Waving in an unseen breeze
Sticking out your nose


Singing In the Rain (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
Glorious feeling
Very refreshing and new
Too bad you’re alone


Are You There? (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
Been thinking of you
You’ve disappeared from the Earth
Or so it does seem


Ok, Ok, Ok (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
Please try to calm down
Your words are all jumbled up
Like a tornado


Sometimes You’ve Got To Let Go (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
Holding on too tight
Will not help someone to grow
They need no bondage


Sometimes You’ve Got To Jump (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
It’s hard to take risks
You stand to lose so much, but
Stillness breeds boredom


Twinkly Toes (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
Both your feet stand out
An application of stars
Does wonders for them


This one was requested by Eric, who had very stringent requirements for the haiku he requested. I definitely spent more time on his than on any other. I do, however, feel stung by the hint of a suggestion that the rest of them contain no real craftsmanship.


Haircut (Requested by EricLippert)
Clipped hair falls like leaves
From bittersweet Autumns past
Lost from memory


I think I’m going to call it quits at haiku for today. Tuesdays are the toughest, as my lunch is shorter (I leave work early to help out with the kid’s class at my dojo, so I don’t have a lot of time). There are still many more requests to get to, but I’ve been neglecting the other aspects of this space. I still have three Fig-tionary entries I need to write. Also, the more time I spend on my space, the less time I have to read everyone elses.

This is not intended to discourage entries, by any stretch of the imagination. Keep your requests coming. I’m just letting you know that production of the haiku you all seem to love will be slowing a little, as things are getting busy, requiring me to take shorter lunches (which is my blogging time).

I’ll get to the outstanding requests either tonight or tomorrow at lunch.




*Remember, you can submit a topic to inspire your very own Haiku Poem by clicking here. You can read about Hai-Kuul here.

Filed under: Hai-Kuul, Spaces Archive | 6 Comments »

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