Adventures In DC (Updated April 26, 2006)
I think it would be impossible for me to recount all of the events that contributed to the high level of fun this past weekend in the Nation's Capital*.
That being said, I will still do my best to recount the insanity in an easy-to-read format over the next little while, adding to this post when time arises.
Mama has two roomies. They are both four-legged and hairy.
Cricket and Bug have the run of the place. They own every square inch, and enforce their rule by leaving hair behind when they wish.
Cricket is definitely the more friendly one.
Bug, on the other hand, is not so much camera shy as he his murderous toward anything that would obscure your head. He was a hissy little guy.
Cricket was far more laid back…
What, me worry? Click…
Here are some one liners that we were treated to from Kris' best friend…
- " Check out mah hey hey." (This was said multiple times at random intervals)
- " I think I threw up in my mouth a little. "
- " Sorry Pooh Bear. I didn't really mean to shove my finger up your ass. "
- " It shouldn't be called Canada. It should be called Canadia. There are not enough vowels in your country's name. "
- " That makes me want to throw up in someone else's mouth a little. "
Brilly is quite the character.
She left to pick up some cigs and then didn't come back for two hours, as she ended up in a cellphone conversation.
She also left to go home at one point in no shoes.
The best thing she did, though, was drop the C-bomb** in front of Mama and Mrs. Jorge. They both winced, as they hate the word, and then proceeded to tell Brilly they hated that word.
Brilly looked at each of them, and then started saying it multiple times.
There was much screaming. I, though, was laughing my ass off.
I Can't Believe It's Not Asbestos!
I had promised Mama that I would make breakfast for all of us on the Saturday morning.
Flash back to the day before we arrived, when this conversation took place…
Jorge: Hey Kris, do you have a corner store near you?
Mama: Hey Boo Boo. Yeah, I do, but is there anything you need me to get for you on my way home? It might just be easier for me to do it.
Jorge: Well, I need bread, milk, butter and maple syrup. I'll make some nice french toast.
Back to the Saturday morning. We all woke up and I was given a cooking uniform to wear, and then we got started.
Kris started presenting the ingredients…
- Milk? Check.
- Bread? Wonderbread. Check.
- Maple syrup? Aunt Jemima's Lite Table Syrup. Check.
- Butter? I Can't Believe It's Not Butter***… Err…Check?
I've never really worked with the last product before. However, as Mama has an addiction to things synthetic, I went with the flow.
I turned the element on high and put the frying pan on it. Usually, when I make french toast at home, I burn the butter a little. This causes it to become slighlty sweet and infuse the egg-dipped bread with a great flavour.
However, ICBINB doesn't seem to obey the laws of reality. It melted (slowly) and coated the bottom of the pan, but it didn't burn. It didn't even bubble.
I shrugged my shoulders and placed a slice of egg-dipped bread on the frying pan and heard the telltale sizzle of cooking. I left it for a little while.
When I went to flip it with the spatula, I found that it was stuck. Not only that, but when I finally freed the bread, the ICBINB coating actually came up with it like a layer of skin. It was very disturbing.
I found some canola oil spray and promptly used that to cook the rest of the meal, which turned out pretty good.
Can you smell what the Rebo is Cooking? Click…
On a side note, I have decided to use ICBINB as sunblock this summer. It was left on the counter for several hours in the warm kitchen and didn't even begin to melt. Definitely food for astronauts…
It was great to meet them. Thus far, I have had the privilege of making many new wonderful friends from blogland.
We chatted about the day's events, with Mama and Mrs. J bringing up the C-bombs dropped by Brilly that morning.
The C word? I use that word like it's my job!
Of course, since I was there, she wanted me to do impressions for her friends.
It started with Brilly, who ended up creating the Cleveland-On-Demand service which involved her looking at me and saying…
Do it. Do it now. Say something with Loretta in it!
When we went out to a bar namced Kokopooli's after eating a scrumptious meal at Baci Viti, I got to meet their friend D-Luv. He is awesome and had some impressions under his belt as well (him being an aspiring actor and all).
Brilly looked over at me and made the eyes for me to do some more impressions for their friend.
Mrs. Jorge shook her head and sighed, electing to use this opportunity to go to the bar to get some wine (as she doens't particularly care for the Family Guy).
Being put on the spot, I started laughing at the hilarity of the situation. This did not please the Brill very much…
Brilly: Come on. Do it. Do the Loretta thing.
Jorge: Hold on, let me stop laughing.
Brilly: Do it.
D-Luv: I want to hear this.
Brilly: C'mon Jorge. Do it!
Jorge: Waitaminute. I have to think of something.
Brilly: [At the top of her lungs] DANCE PUPPET, DANCE!
Nothing is more inspirational than a slave-drivin' woman. 🙂
I swear to God that at that moment, everything in the bar stopped, and everyone looked at our corner.
After the pause, I proceeded to Clevelandize their asses.
You heard me.
The Last Supper
Well, it was really the last brunch. We all went out to the Cheesecake Factory (sans D-Luv) for some farewell dinings.
I had a great conversation with Brilly**** about politics and such while everyone else chatted away.
The funniest thing for me was at the end when the take-out bags arrived with the leftovers inside. Brilly kept shoving her face inside the bag to smell the mashed 'taters with gravy. It inspired me to suggest something…
Jorge: Brilly, you should just empty the food into the bag and hook the handles over your ears. Then you will be like a horse and you won't need utensils.
[She sticks her head in the plastic bag and loops the handles over her ears. She shakes her head around as Jorge makes horse noises. Everyone laughs. Eventually she resurfaces.]
Jorge: Just like a feedbag.
Brilly: Nice. That reminds me of this time I was wearing an apron, and I put it over this other guys head and tied it off, like a feedbag.
[This is met with puzzled looks from everyone.]
Brilly: No no no! I took it off first and then tied it around his head. I didn't just shove his face in my gunch!***** [Points at her crotch]
You are the funniest.
One last thing that I'd like to mention.
Every so often, throughout the weekend, Kris would look at us and say…
You guys, I'm so glad you're here!
And we knew that every time she said it, she meant it.
We were glad, too.
* – Or is that Capitol? Damn the cross-border English conversions!
** – If you don't know what this is, then you've never offended anyone in your life.
*** – ICBINB for further reference.
**** – Yes, she can be quite serious thank you very much. She's very intelligent.
***** – Best new word…EVER