Look At the Size of That Shlong!

That's right. I'm in the US of Eh. That is, Washington DC*.

I am stealthily typing on Mama's laptop as she dozes noisily in the living room under the influence of our Canadian Chloroform**.

Mrs. J and I spent most of yesterday checking the sites out on what's known as the National Mall***. We hauled our luggage around for most of the day (which has earned me a week in the doghouse based on how much our dogs were hurting after that hellish walk) before meeting up with Miss Kris at her swingin' pad at night.

Things I Learned About DC

Here is a short list of things that I learned about DC that I have put into list form for easy reading…

  • Tourists are obnoxious no matter what country you are in, although in the USA many of the groups tend to wear matching clothes and congregate like a big West Side Story brouhaha about to commence
  • There are more flags around the base of the Washington Monument than there are in the rest of the world
  • Walking up Capitol Hill must be a lot nicer without hauling your luggage around on your back
  • DC is quite pretty in the springtime
  • Don't go into any building around the Hill for a meal unless you don't mind being cavity searched before entering the food courts
  • Capitol Hill is the safest place on earth because every other person is a police officer

I could go on, but I'll most likley be detained for giving away too many secrets.

"Welcome to My Parlour…"

Miss Kris called me on my cell to let me know that she was home early (which worked out well due to the fact that we were scant blocks away from her place at that exact moment anyway) and so she let us in, looking shnazzy and holding a bowl of dip (which is always a welcome site). I call her Lady Liberty, as she greeted us with a hug and a..

Bring me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to be free…from your luggage…****

We sat down on her couch with her cats' permission and she proceeded to feed us and be all entertaining-like. It was great.

We felt like we were in our second home.

Later On…

We were introduced to her best friend (who is a lot like her but taller and sassier if you can believe it) and were going to go out for Thai food.

Unfotunately for our plans, the cab company that Kris called was the suck, thus preventing us from going out to where we needed to go.

Fortunately for us, though, the pizza place delivered, and so we got drunk and had ourselves a grand old time.

The End?

I should probably go. The hamster powering this machine I am typing on is starting to get tired, and Miss Kris is beginning to stir.

We're going out from some dins in a while, and then heading to a bar to not drink at all.

Yeah, right.

From behind enemy lines,

* – Did you know they have the internet down here? And computers? It's amazing!!!
** – Also known as Canadian Beer.
*** – Which is nothing at all like a mall with stores. Rather, it's a mall with a lot of fanny-packin' tourists.
**** – I made that up.

7 Responses

  1. Jorge-a-thon

    I think that there is narry a more welcome sight than a sassy lady holding dip.
    Hope your feets are feeling less tired and your FunOmeter has hit the MAX.


  2. Awesome! Hope you all are having the swellest of times and totally not behaving at all! Enjoy those Cherry Blossoms…they must be such a sight.

    …almost as nice a sight as the lady with the dip…even though I don’t know what MamaL looks like, I somehow cannot get her dip-holding image out of my mind’s eye…

    on an unrelated topic…mayo recipe to follow.

  3. The cavity searches are Kris’s doing. She’s got friends in security everywhere.

    Wish I was there, man. Have fun. Don’t anger the giant Lincoln statue–he’s slow but he’s got a long reach.

  4. The pre-meal cavity searches were my favorite part of D.C.!!

    I hope you and Mrs. Jorge are having fun here in the U.S. of Eh! (Hahaha – that cracked me UP.)

  5. YOU MISSED IT!!! I got walked out! Like ESCORTED! By HR!!! Right past your desk! You were in AMERICA!?!?!? Sheesh!!!! 🙂

    🙂 hehe – it was pretty anti-climactic. No handcuffs or headlocks.
    I am back on monday to say adios and pick up my fish 😉 AND

  6. I hope your checking out francising while your there, there aren’t any Timmy’s in DC are there? 😉

  7. The difference between me and you is, I have surmised much of my post from the comforts of home, where I have relatively few deep-cavity searches performed upon me.

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