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Finding Funny Stories In Winter Takes Good Vision

How Did You Find Me?

Check out some of these searches that led to my site…

  • wealthy people pictures
  • jorge
  • barking dogs
  • toronto

These all make sense in a strange way. Maybe I should make a point to try and contain every word ever written to ensure I will always lead people here from the various search engines.



Winter Blahs and Good Vision

I have very good colour vision. I can discern many more colours than the average person (at least, I believe this). I wonder if this is why I tend to be more positive than most people during the winter months?

Think about it. If you tend to see many shades of grey, it’s almost like seeing colour! Something to think about, I guess.



Funny Stories

I can’t really write volumes all the time, so once in a while I will just write some funny stories about things that happened to me. These will invariably involve my friends, but they are not incriminating or rude. Well, maybe a little….

This one happened at our place during an atypical beer party (People bring beer that is not your standard fare, and then everyone tries everyone else’s beer). Reay was sitting on the sofa, and Dave was examining some pictures in a frame. The frame was one of those rotating frames. It was essentially a suspended double-sided 4×6 frame being held in place by an arm secured to the base of the frame. If one held it horizontally (as per the design) it would rotate when you prodded it. However, when Dave held it the wrong way…


[The glass from one side of the frame slides out and smashes to pieces on my chessboard. All is silent for a few moments until…]
Dave: Uh…Oops.
Reay: What do you live in? A Nerf house?


Reay was awarded the coveted Line of the Night Award.

Strikes Out With Lost Wife’s Helpfulness

No Strike Today – Yay Me!

And so it was, that the TTC has decided to wait until Friday to see if they Strike on Monday.

This is good for me, because it means I didn’t have to stay home today and lug my photos across town. Photos do not seem to be a heavy burden until you put them in frames, and have to walk several miles in the rain to get to where you want to go (which would probably be two hours).

Another positive thing about a delayed strike is that more people may come to the Toronto Dollar Party where I will be exhibiting some of my photography tonight.

YES!



Best Wife Ever

Well, I guess that implies that I have had more than one wife. This is not the case.

Nor am I married to a vocation or career. Academia? Pfft. Broke up with that whore a long time ago.

Thus, while the title of this section is probably not really necessary to put into print, it is 100% accurate and I believe it should be stated for the record.

I wasn’t in a good mood yesterday (we all get that way from time to time), and as usual, my wife is very patient and supportive. We had dinner, and then she went to place some phone calls, and I went upstairs to blow off some steam playing Lego Star Wars.

She later came upstairs and entered my office. She smiled, and I asked the dreaded question…

Do you want to play?

She actually said yes, and sat down with me and we ran through a couple of levels together.

Talk about awesome.

Most of the girls reading this are probably wincing right now. My wife has probably been kicked out of some secret club or another for playing video games with me.



Lost

The show is really starting to pick up. Lots of weird things are happening and the characters are all maturing. It’s good to see.

Saywer, for example, has become a bit nicer. I notice that when he does something nice, they put less grease in his hair. It’s very odd. He was even helpful to Kate, as displayed in this slightly altered excerpt….


Kate: Sawyer I need all your alcohol.
Sawyer: Yesss, preciousssss, alcohols you needses, alcohols you getses.
Kate: Huh?
Sawyer: [Trundles off to his suitcases and starts to tear through them looking to help Kate.] Yes, Kate. Alcoholses. Here! Takes it all!
Kate: Er, thanks.
Sawyer: Good Smeago…er…Sawyer always helps….Freckles…


I don’t know why I typed that, but it’s funny. Well, it is to me, anyway.

Hilarity

These Are the Daves I Know…

I have a few friends named Dave. Two of these guys are my among my closest friends (and members of my assassin squad/glee club). The Dave in this particular entry is the one we refer to as the bald gay man or just simply D.

Today we had a goofy exchange of words. I could make this into a regular feature, given how frequently we have conversations that contain stupid dialogue. However, I will only do this occasionally, because the world can only handle so much unbridled genius.

Observe…


[Dave and Jorge are embroiled in a bitter game of Trivial Pursuit. Jorge just answered a question incorrectly.]
Dave: You were wrong. The answer is Boston.
Jorge: Boston Massachusetts?
Dave: No, Boston, India, you idiot.


How about this one…


Jorge: What are you guys doing May long weekend?
Dave: What is that, May?
Jorge: I am SO writing this in my blog.


I thought I would lighten the mood after the post from yesterday.

Oops!

Would You Like Some Salt On Your Foot?

Ever have one of those moments when you say something really inappropriate? Those are the worst, especially when the inappropriateness is due to some subtlety in the English language.

A friend at work was walking along the cubicle hallway carrying a large folded up cardboard box.

The following exchange ensued…


Jorge: Do you love your box?
Girl: Yes I do.
Jorge: Er…..


Wow.

Belting out the Carnivorous Smileys

Feeling Blue

Well, I hope so at least.


On Saturday I graded for my Blue Belt in Goju-Ryu Karate-Do. It was quite challenging. I like the dojo that I am a part of because they not only stress the physical (and boy do they stress it), but the mental as well. They encourage you to read books related to our style, as well as martial arts in general. So, not only are the students who are grading expected to fulfill the physical requirements of the art, but they are also expected to know some answers to some questions regarding various aspects of our style (as well as handing in a written test).


Thus, preparing for this exam is a serious thing (unlike other dojos I have been a part of), and I treat it as such.


The grading itself went well. I could have done better (but this is something that will never change, as I will never be perfect). I messed up some of my basics (some due to my own momentary lack of coordination, and some due to misunderstandings with some of the calls – which were sorted out after a few moves), I did well on my katas (some minor errors), and I did fine in the rest of the elements as well (Self Defence, Sparring, Exam).


I always find it interesting after these types of things to have most people tell me how great my peformance was. While I disagree with the level of their enthusiasm, I know I did all right. Most likely better than average, and well enough to attain my belt. It’s not a matter of being cocky. It’s just that I know how well I did because I am very critical of myself, and I work very hard to do well at things that are important to me (and even some that aren’t).


When I say things like I could have done better or I made some mistakes, people seem to take deep offense to this and respond with phrases like you rocked that test or some other pep-talkish phrase. It’s not that i’m down on myself. I just know the areas in which I need to improve.


I know if someone asks me how they did, I tend to give them good news unless they ask about the bad. I am an honest critic, and depriving someone of useful information that could help them improve would really be unfair to that person. If the criticism is delivered constructively, there should really be no problem.


My friend and nemesis Steve didn’t argue when I told him that I messed up my basics. However, he did mention that he really enjoyed my katas. This is the kind of support that is best.


Hopefully I will advance to a new level in a few weeks.




Tien

My friend Tien is awesome. He’s a great friend who has a knack for putting things into perspective.


Every Monday we run a little study group for people that want to learn and practice Capoeira and self defence. I sort of lead it, and Tien points out all the things I forget. It’s a good arrangement.


Tien is shorter than I am, and doesn’t weigh as much, but he eats as much as I, and doesn’t seem to ever gain any weight.


Oh, and when I say that he eats as much as I, I don’t mean that he consumes the same amount of food that I do. I mean that he consumes the same amount of food that I weigh.




Smileys Don’t Take Away the Pain

I have to be honest, and say that I am in Blogging primarily because of three people: Shatton, Amanda and Dave.


Shatton is a great friend who comes across as a very angry guy in his Blog. This is awesome, as he is not really all that angry in reality. He just writes that way. And it is hilarious! In reality he is a really nice guy, and very savvy.


Amanda is the one who introduced me to MSN as a blogging venue. I curse her for this.


Dave has been one of my best friends for the longest time (and he’s hung like a bear*). His sense of humour and easygoing nature have always been a great balance to my evil tendencies and jackass-like behaviour. He’s a big influence, and I appreciate his friendship tremendously (even though he doesn’t know it. Oh wait. He just found out. CRAP!).


So how do I show my appreciation? I razz him about being lazy for writing a new section** by leaving a snarky comment about him being lazy. And then, when he retaliates, I pull out all the stops, and leave a comment as him (which is, tactically, a stroke of genius).


Now, I wasn’t actually serious about any of it, of course. There is always an inferred smiley face at the end of my comments. I called him up to see his reaction to my latest ploy (which I found that he had erased). We chatted on the phone about it, and Dave laughed and said smileys don’t take away the pain.


And so, let us see if this is really true…




Case 1 – The Breakup


Dear Gwynneth,
I just thought I would let you know that I have been moved around here in Europe for my job. I am now in Germany, and it has been a great experience so far. I’m not missing you as much, though, as I am missing being home. That being said, I think we should call it off. I find that you are too needy, and whine far too much for someone who considers themselves to be a well-adjusted person. I’ve started seeing someone else, so I guess you can consider this a goodbye letter. Take care, and I hope you have a nice life!



Fondly,
Thurston
🙂


Case 2 – The Notice


Dear Occupant,
We have decided to evict you. It is not because you’ve missed any rent payments, or that you’re overly noisy or disruptive. It’s just that we don’t particulary smile upon anyone that owns so many pieces of Hello Kitty clothing (accessories are one thing, but bikinis?). Please move out by the end of the week.

Sincerely,
The Management
😀


Case 3 – Termination


Dear Reginald,
You are fired.

With Sympathy
The CEO of Company B***
😉



Wow.


I guess it is true. Smileys really don’t take away the pain.






* – No he isn’t.
** – Dave’s new section involves him asking a question about one topic or another and an invitation to the reader to comment on their opinion of the answer.
*** – Not affiliated with the Boogie-Woogie Bugle Boy