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Blowing Up the Future Single-Handedly!

The Future is Now

I was chatting with Reay on the phone the other day, letting him know that he should read my friend Cat‘s blog, as she really loves to read his (and has mentioned it in an entry of hers). He was flattered (as he should be, because Cat is cool), and agreed that he would mosey over there with his mouse sometime sooner than later.

He asked how I knew her. And then, immediately added…


“Did you know her Pre-Blog?


This cracked me up. Not that it is a particularly incorrect or silly thing to say. On the contrary, it is highly indicative of the craziness that has taken hold of us. This craziness (which I refer to as futurosity), is a wonderful thing. It is a sign that we are evolving into more intelligent and efficient creatures. It definitely saves some typing, to be sure.

Observe the following more cumbersome way of asking the same question…


Did you know her before she starting writing a Blog?


or


Did you know her before she started writing an online journal to allow people to be updated on the things in her life she feels she could share?


Damn. How annoying.

Three cheers for futurosity!


Napoleon Dynamite (Contains minor spoilers)

I watched this movie last night, and was howling silently (as my wife was sleeping, and I didn’t want to risk unholy wrath). It is a great movie.

At the same time, though, it was somewhat disturbing. I can see bits and pieces of myself in the character of Napoleon. His friend Pedro also reminds me of some of my friends that I had in high school as well. Actually, almost every character in there could be a representative of groups of people that I knew.

Napoleon is in his own world. One of those guys who is so uncool that he is cool (because he doesn’t really give a damn about what anyone else thinks of him). I wasn’t quite like that. I was uncool, and very conscious of it. I ended up coming off as a total geek most of the time, and pretty much fumbling over my own tongue trying to talk my way out of stupid situations.

All through grade school I was the guy that would sit on his own, that the girls would only dance with because they felt pity. And no, I’m not fishing here, this is the truth. I was always the nice guy*. The guy that girls would date to feel better about themselves. There is a part of the movie where Napoleon goes to the school dance with someone and she essentially leaves him just as they enter to hang out with her friends. I’ve felt the stinging bitterness of that very act.

It’s rare that a movie will make me uncomfortable about myself (discomfort in general – thrillers and horrors – a different feeling). At the same time, though, I hope that I have outgrown at least some of those traits. I mean, my wife is hot, so I must be doing something right!

Plus I feel a lot more confident in myself these days. You would find it hard to believe that I consider myself to be a shy person.

Crazy. This got a lot heavier than I intended. Ah well.

If you are comfortable with possibly facing some of your own demons, watch this movie. It is hilarious.




* Actually, that has sort of been one of the recurring themes in my life. Even my Capoeira nickname is gente-boa which can essentially be translated as “Nice Guy”. Mind you, I have had my moments of being a complete jackass, so the title may not be that appropriate.

Waterloo Visit and a WHAT?

A Man Among Giants

Yesterday I visited my friends in Waterloo. I don’t get to do this that often, due to the fact that I usually have events booked 2 months in advance (no, I am not kidding about this – it’s a side effect of marriage). I miss my friends in Waterloo. When we went to University together, they served to inspire me, and were a comfort. I don’t know how much of this that they know, but perhaps now they will. The lot of them are too smart for words. Indivudually any one of them could take away Ben Stein’s money in an instant. Put them together, however, and light starts to bend around the house for some reason, and teacups begin to levitate in the kitchen.

In attendance were:


Bloggers


Blogless

  • Nath
  • Zac
  • Fiona
  • Zoë


It started out simple enough. I played with Zoë’s Etch-a-Sketch (I drew a duck with a small duck on it’s head. The big duck was wearing an airline jet strapped to its back – perfectly normal art) and we just hung out and talked. Nath made an AMAZING lunch (this is not a surprise with Nath), and we had a grand old time. Then Zac and Fiona showed up.

I knew that things were starting to go downhill when Fiona began spelling her name with Greek letters. No child under 10 should be allowed to use Greek letters. On top of that, no one should be allowed to use them at all, unless they are in a mathematical equation or on a Frat House.

Dave has a theory for moments like this. He believes that when really smart people are around us not-so-smart people we lose intelligence. I call it the “gravity of intelligence theory”. Think of intelligence as a bunch of molecules in your brain. They move around when you have ideas. Mine are generally slacking off in the corner, yawning and probably doing drugs. Then take Fiona, a bright child who I am convinced is actually a 500 year old elf, whose molecules move around her brain at the speed of light. She also has a brain packed tightly FULL of molecules. These molecules are so plentiful, that her skull can’t hold anymore. So they attach themselves to her hair. Her hair goes all the way down her back past her waist. Because of the density of her intelligence, it creates a graviational pull which steals my loosely-packed, slow moving intelligence. These errant molecules attach themselves to her hair. I am convinced that her hair actually grew an inch while I was there.

Shortly after that Elbie, Ecogrrl and clvrmnky arrived.

The rest of the time was spent with us being geeky and talking about geeky things while the kids and cats were running around being cute. I think a highlight of the afternoon was when Zac made himself into a climbing gym for Fiona, and Dr. Thingo and Zoë teamed up on Fiona in a tickling match.

Nath’s carrot cake was awesome too.

Oh yeah, and I am afraid of the second floor toilet that flushes for eternity and makes you cry as the water level keeps rising and rising…

I had a great time hanging around my old friends, even though I lost half of half my brain to Fiona’s mane.

I had to get out of there before I lost the brain cells that are tied to my ability to drink alcohol.



Why Don’t You Get a Key Then?

After Waterloo, I visited Shatton in his new place. Aggies was there, so I got to actually meet him for the first time in real life. You see, I’ve been playing online games with Aggies for something like six months now. It’s amazing how can know someone without ever really meeting them.

Shatton and his wife are moving in together into an apartment in B-Dot. It’s pretty nice. The building is very well maintained, and it doesn’t smell like industrial cleaners or old carpet. Shatton has a pretty nice living space, and I think it will serve them well in the interim until Leslie gets settled.

Shatton offered me some spicy meat (boy that sounds bad), and I agreed. He opened his kitchen cupboard, and it was pretty much bare. He pulled out a small plate (a saucer, I think), and I had my meat on there. I laughed at his lack of eating utensils. To be fair, Leslie will be contributing the bulk of the dinnerware, but Shatton still has to wait for a month. The time will fly quickly, though, and then she will be up here, rolling her eyes at him in person just like Mrs. J rolls her eyes at me (actually, I think everyone rolls their eyes at me).

We hung out and watched a funny episode of Space Ghost: Coast to Coast as well as SeaLab 2021. Those two find them really funny because if the writing. I find them funny not only just for the weird and twisted humour in the writing, but also because they are just redubbed episodes of cartoons I used to watch when I was a kid. It’s amazing how people are creating new ideas from old staples.

We then played Lego Star Wars (on the PC, which is AMAZING), and I scooted back home for some Sushi.



Fig-WHAT-raphy?

I am trying to create a more professional looking photography site for myself. There is a show coming up in May and I am exhibiting some of my work.

Please click on the Figtography link and let me know what you think!

If you are on dial-up, I apologize.

Fig-tionary – March 11, 2005

womewhat (suggested by Tien based on a Jorge typo)

  1. Function: pronoun – Something to do with women – Usage: That guy is womewhat whipped.
  2. Function: adverb – in some degree or measure in relation to women – Usage: Those pants are womewhat pink.
  3. Function: percussive nonsense word – A substitution to be used for ‘wimoweh’ in the background of The Lion Sleeps Tonight (Originally titled Mbube by Solomon Linda)


ashat (inadvertently contributed by Shellie)

  1. Function: adverb – In the fashion of a hat. Dressed as a hat – Usage: They showed up to the party ashat.




*Remember, you can submit a request for a crazy definition for a typo by clicking here. You can read about the Fig-tionary here.

New Features

Poetic License

We all would like to think of ourselves as being cool. No one really admits that they think this way, because it seems somewhat self-centred. But the need to be cool is there nonetheless. The problem arises when one person tries to emulate another person’s coolness. This doesn’t always work, as one person’s coolness could be another person’s idiocy.

My friend Dave has come up with a new monday feature which poses questions and has you answer them. This is very cool. Should I do the same?

No.

However, my version of cool will be a section where someone can send me a topic, and I will write a Haiku based on the topic. My friend (and massage therapist) Jess sent me a few yesterday, and I will share them with you…



Topic: Jessica
Jessica is great
She massages my shoulders
No Giraffe-neck, please


Topic: Dog Poo
Smelly coils of brown
Freshly laid in the new snow
Don’t forget to scoop!


Topic: Dubya
There is a proud nation
To the south of our homeland
Led by a moron




This is quality material. You would do well to contribute.

This Blog entry will be permanently embedded in the side for ease of contribution. Leave your requests as a comment.



Diction Shmiction

Have you ever made a mistake whilst typing in MSN Messenger or e-mail?

Don’t you hate how once you click send and the person reads your message that you cannot ever take back that typo?

Well, here at Barking Space, we have a service for you. Just send us your mistakes, and we will invent a definition for you so that it becomes a real word!

For example (taken from a recent MSN Conversation)…


Person: I’m so uncreatice [intended word: uncreative]
Jorge: Uncreatice is a cool new word!
Person: Yes, but what does it mean?
Jorge: Uncreatice – A singularly plain carapace worn on the head.
Person: lol!


No longer will you be stuck with no snappy comebacks. The only problem is that they won’t actually be instant. Instead, they will take a few days. We’re still ironing the bugs out.

Again, this blog entry will be permanently embedded on the side of Barking Space to facilitate contribution. Just leave your request in the comments.

Belting out the Carnivorous Smileys

Feeling Blue

Well, I hope so at least.


On Saturday I graded for my Blue Belt in Goju-Ryu Karate-Do. It was quite challenging. I like the dojo that I am a part of because they not only stress the physical (and boy do they stress it), but the mental as well. They encourage you to read books related to our style, as well as martial arts in general. So, not only are the students who are grading expected to fulfill the physical requirements of the art, but they are also expected to know some answers to some questions regarding various aspects of our style (as well as handing in a written test).


Thus, preparing for this exam is a serious thing (unlike other dojos I have been a part of), and I treat it as such.


The grading itself went well. I could have done better (but this is something that will never change, as I will never be perfect). I messed up some of my basics (some due to my own momentary lack of coordination, and some due to misunderstandings with some of the calls – which were sorted out after a few moves), I did well on my katas (some minor errors), and I did fine in the rest of the elements as well (Self Defence, Sparring, Exam).


I always find it interesting after these types of things to have most people tell me how great my peformance was. While I disagree with the level of their enthusiasm, I know I did all right. Most likely better than average, and well enough to attain my belt. It’s not a matter of being cocky. It’s just that I know how well I did because I am very critical of myself, and I work very hard to do well at things that are important to me (and even some that aren’t).


When I say things like I could have done better or I made some mistakes, people seem to take deep offense to this and respond with phrases like you rocked that test or some other pep-talkish phrase. It’s not that i’m down on myself. I just know the areas in which I need to improve.


I know if someone asks me how they did, I tend to give them good news unless they ask about the bad. I am an honest critic, and depriving someone of useful information that could help them improve would really be unfair to that person. If the criticism is delivered constructively, there should really be no problem.


My friend and nemesis Steve didn’t argue when I told him that I messed up my basics. However, he did mention that he really enjoyed my katas. This is the kind of support that is best.


Hopefully I will advance to a new level in a few weeks.




Tien

My friend Tien is awesome. He’s a great friend who has a knack for putting things into perspective.


Every Monday we run a little study group for people that want to learn and practice Capoeira and self defence. I sort of lead it, and Tien points out all the things I forget. It’s a good arrangement.


Tien is shorter than I am, and doesn’t weigh as much, but he eats as much as I, and doesn’t seem to ever gain any weight.


Oh, and when I say that he eats as much as I, I don’t mean that he consumes the same amount of food that I do. I mean that he consumes the same amount of food that I weigh.




Smileys Don’t Take Away the Pain

I have to be honest, and say that I am in Blogging primarily because of three people: Shatton, Amanda and Dave.


Shatton is a great friend who comes across as a very angry guy in his Blog. This is awesome, as he is not really all that angry in reality. He just writes that way. And it is hilarious! In reality he is a really nice guy, and very savvy.


Amanda is the one who introduced me to MSN as a blogging venue. I curse her for this.


Dave has been one of my best friends for the longest time (and he’s hung like a bear*). His sense of humour and easygoing nature have always been a great balance to my evil tendencies and jackass-like behaviour. He’s a big influence, and I appreciate his friendship tremendously (even though he doesn’t know it. Oh wait. He just found out. CRAP!).


So how do I show my appreciation? I razz him about being lazy for writing a new section** by leaving a snarky comment about him being lazy. And then, when he retaliates, I pull out all the stops, and leave a comment as him (which is, tactically, a stroke of genius).


Now, I wasn’t actually serious about any of it, of course. There is always an inferred smiley face at the end of my comments. I called him up to see his reaction to my latest ploy (which I found that he had erased). We chatted on the phone about it, and Dave laughed and said smileys don’t take away the pain.


And so, let us see if this is really true…




Case 1 – The Breakup


Dear Gwynneth,
I just thought I would let you know that I have been moved around here in Europe for my job. I am now in Germany, and it has been a great experience so far. I’m not missing you as much, though, as I am missing being home. That being said, I think we should call it off. I find that you are too needy, and whine far too much for someone who considers themselves to be a well-adjusted person. I’ve started seeing someone else, so I guess you can consider this a goodbye letter. Take care, and I hope you have a nice life!



Fondly,
Thurston
🙂


Case 2 – The Notice


Dear Occupant,
We have decided to evict you. It is not because you’ve missed any rent payments, or that you’re overly noisy or disruptive. It’s just that we don’t particulary smile upon anyone that owns so many pieces of Hello Kitty clothing (accessories are one thing, but bikinis?). Please move out by the end of the week.

Sincerely,
The Management
😀


Case 3 – Termination


Dear Reginald,
You are fired.

With Sympathy
The CEO of Company B***
😉



Wow.


I guess it is true. Smileys really don’t take away the pain.






* – No he isn’t.
** – Dave’s new section involves him asking a question about one topic or another and an invitation to the reader to comment on their opinion of the answer.
*** – Not affiliated with the Boogie-Woogie Bugle Boy