Network Guest

Best Looking Network Ever

My friend (Mr. Shellie) from Boston is a nut.

I’m pretty much guaranteed to be in stitches after a brief conversation with him on MSN.

At one point in the beginning of our correspondence, we discussed that I worked with Networks. So he began making up new network types based on colours. It was quite funny.

Not everyone will get this, so I apologize…

What did he say? Click to make bigger…

Guest Hai-Kuul

Courtney made the suggestion that I might want to bring in some guest writers to write haiku*.

I don’t normally do the guest blogger thing, but maybe it would be fun.

Would anyone be interested in volunteering?

* – Go figure she suggests it now and not during the Haiku Deluge of Aught Five.

Hai-Kuul – April 10, 2006

Stargaze Lillies (Requested by Totoro)
Who gave them their name?
Did he see stars within them?
Or do they stare up?

Wedding Show (Requested by Totoro)
It’s an industry
The union of two people
For an audience

World of Warcraft (Requested by Totoro)
A persistent world
Existing purely online
This thief steals your time

My Favourite Blankie (Requested by Totoro)
So comfortable
Reminding me of my youth
True security

Drunk Duckie (Requested by Totoro)
He drifts lazily
Like a leaf caught in the wind
A smile takes his bill

*Remember, you can submit a topic to inspire your very own Haiku Poem by clicking here. You can read about Hai-Kuul here.

Full Contact

Full Contact

I finished the website for my show coming up in May.

You can check it out here.

Now all that remains is the actual framing of the photographs.

If anyone is interested in attending, please let me know.

I have to ensure I set aside enough seats for the opening.

Hey! Movie Monkey Prince is Obviously a Runner Who Rocks Something Awful

Hey! I Saw You On TV!
Once in a while, someone will tell me that I remind them of someone. Sometimes it’s flattering, and sometimes it’s not. Dave wrote an article about this last year, which was pretty hilarious.

Me, courtesy of South Park Studio.

I wondered which celebrities reminded my friends of me, so I decided to ask them. This list is the result. Unlike Dave, I haven’t put pictures of myself up for comparison.
This is because I am a lazy jerk…

The Movie Maker

M. Night Shyamalan

This was Reay‘s pick.
I wondered if Reay picked Shyamalan because of his inherently cool geekiness (although, while I posess the geekiness part, I’m not sure about the cool), or his strange hair.
The reasoning was much simpler…

He’s a brown guy like you…

Great criteria, Reay.

The Monkey

Curious Jorge finds his Frog.

Most of the kids in my grade school called me Curious George, claiming we looked alike.
I was always puzzled because no matter how many times I checked the mirror, I could not see any real similarities other than the fact we had the same number of limbs and big ears.
I also didn’t understand why they kept calling me that because my name is spelled with a J rather than a Ge.
I would just shrug my shoulders and go back to reading my Hardy Boys books.

The Prince

Whatchu lookin’ at, Carlton?

I was first compared to Will Smith in high school.
It came at an opportune time because I was feeling low, and the person who told me was a pretty girl.
I could never figure out why. Again, it might be the ear thing, or a similar pigment.
I suspect it was because I was kinda goofy and had a wee moustache, just like Mr. Smith up there.
Either way, that was a cool thing to hear.
Once in a while someone will tell me I remind them of Will Smith, and I just smile, nod, and then break it down, ol’ skool.

The Obvious

I have an evil twin. Or is he the good one?

My friend Dan pointed this out to me.
It’s just another guy named Jorge Figueiredo who has a blog.
I think he lives in Portugal or Brazil. So if you want to visit him, knock yourself out.
Of course, don’t blame me if he comes looking for you.

The Runner


Dave came up with this selection.
He also included an explanation as to why he chose it…

This guy, but only because of the haircut. (Okay, also because of that time you were shot in the buttocks.)

Dave always knows how to bring back painful memories.

The Rock

The People must test my deodorant.

My brother chose The Rock as someone who I resemble. I asked him why, and this is what he said…

The picture just looked like you with a tattoo, and you have a lot of charisma.

That was a really nice thing of him to say. Considering he is one of the smartest people I know, I figure he’s right.
Of course, he failed to mention my eyebrow problems and my inability to speak in anything but the third person.

The Awful Truth

Loincloths are in! Trust me! I wear it Scottish Style!

Shatton picked Giant Kamala as my lookalike.
He has an interesting way of looking at things, so I’ll let him explain…

This is a pic of someone who reminds me of you (but not the other way around). Because he is as crazy as you be.

There is nothing I can add to that statement.

One Alpha-Numerical Ploy

One of My Best…

I’ve played a few pranks in my life.

Some involved calling people up and getting them to go somewhere to claim a prize. Some involved getting people to do something silly. Some were just meant to produce a silly look on the victim’s face.

The one common thread was that it was always done to an individual. In each case, I was the only witness, so the embarassment was not really something public.

The Alpha-Numerical

One year, in University, a friend of mine and I came up with a grand idea. It didn’t involve public humiliation, but it did involve fooling people on a larger scale.

The idea behind it wasn’t one that would fool a large populace, like a whole city. No. The plan was about elegance. It was about fooling a group of people at the same time, while creating a doorway for those victims to propogate the prank even further on their own.

When I was about halfway through university, there were two puzzling crazes. One was cryptic crosswords and the other was called alpha-numericals.

Alpha-Numericals involved a code that you had to crack. It was basically a string of numbers and letters with a hidden meaning. For example…

13 in a B D = Thirteen in a Baker’s Dozen

Being able to solve these puzzles involved abstract thinking, as well as a pretty good level of knowledge for various literary references, measurements, and other trivia.

A lot of our friends in University were very intelligent, and loved puzzles. The harder and more abstract the puzzle, the more they liked it. So we figured that we would somehow use the puzzles in our scheme.

All we needed was a hook…

The Contest Ploy

When you are a poor university student, the smallest contests become a huge deal. Anything free was welcome, no matter how little it may have cost.

My friend and I used this to our advantage when we invented the lure for the joke.

Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat was playing in Toronto at that time, and it had received quite a number of great reviews. A lot of people that we knew would have really loved to have seen it.

So here was the way the lure was executed…

[Jorge dials a victim on the phone. The vic pics up and the conversation ensues…]

Jorge: Hey Vic, it’s Jorge.
Victim: Hey Jorge. What’s up?
J: You busy?
V: No, why?
J: I was going through a newspaper from a few weeks ago that I found downstairs* and I noticed that there is a contest for tickets to see Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat.
V: No way.
J: Yeah. It’s only valid in the Kitchener-Waterloo area. It includes a bus to and from Toronto, dinner at one of the Mirvish restaurants, and admission to see the musical. The best part is that it’s for twenty people, so a whole bunch of us can go!
V: That’s awesome.
J: There are only two problems. The contest entries have to be e-mailed or mailed in by tomorrow night.
V: And the second problem?
J: The actual entry form involves completing thirty** alpha-numericals. On first glance, I can maybe get about a third of them, but the rest are pretty tough. I was thinking about getting the gang in on these. We should be able to finish it by tomorrow and send it in. I hear that no one has sent in a complete form yet, so we would be a shoe-in.
V: Okay. Sounds good.
J: I’ll read them off to you, and you can get our other friends in your house to work on them. I’ll call a few more people, and we can have this wrapped up sooner than later.
[Jorge reads off the list of Alpha-Numericals to Vic.]

My accomplice and I came up with a relatively large list of these brain teasers. More than half of them were established favourites like…

  • 4 and 20 B B B in a P = Four and Twenty Black Birds Baked in a Pie

  • 3 B M = Three Blind Mice

  • A T W in 80 D = Around the World in Eighty Days

These would draw everyone in, making them excited about getting answers quickly. Since we were in the lull just before exams, it was the perfect time to strike.

The actual prank was when we created fake entries like these…

  • 42 Q on the P B

  • 16 Q on the Q C R

  • 100 G M in the H O L

After we called a few friends (who each told a few more), we would call them all periodically and see what kind of progress they had made. We would “share” some of what we had figured out with them and allow the excitement to build.

The funniest part was when people started inventing answers for the fake entries…

[Victim calls Jorge on the phone.]
Jorge: Hey man, how is it going? You getting any further?
Victim: I think we’re making progress on some of the tough ones.
J: Really?
V: Yeah. Number twenty four? The one that says 42 Q on the P B?
J: What about it?
V: Get this: Fourty-two quills on the porcupine’s back
J: Wow.
V: Not bad eh?

My co-conspirator and I were rolling on the ground laughing at stuff like that. Who knew that picking random letters and numbers could be so much fun?

After a number of hours we decided to come clean. We had actually built in the punchline into the contest entry itself. The last puzzle was…

E F on A 1

This is how one of the phone calls sounded…

[Jorge calls up a Victim. By this point quite a number of fake entries have been given fake solutions.]
Jorge: Hey man. It’s Jorge.
Victim: Hey guy. We are getting close.
J: I know! I think I have figured out the last one. Actually scratch that. I know I’ve figured out the last one.
V: Shoot.
J: E F on A 1 stands for everyone’s fooled on April First.
V: [Consulting with another victim.] No way. That can’t be it.
J: Think about it. It totally is.
V: Well how could it be, the 1 couldn’t possible stand for first. Wouldn’t it make more sense if it was an F instead of a 1?
J: Maybe I wasn’t clear enough. [Speaking more slowly and deliberately.] Everybody’s….fooled….on….April….First…
[There is a pause as this registers in the Vic’s mind. Then…]
V: Who is this? What’s going on? Nobody lives here!
[The phone goes dead. Jorge calls back and everyone on the other end is laughing.]

It was a great prank. No one was mad because even though we wasted their time, it was a well-executed ploy.

It always makes me smile every April Fool’s Day.

What is the best April Fool prank you have played? Comment!

* – I lived in a house with a number of people. It was not uncommon for some people to leave old newspapers lying around in the downstairs kitchen.
** – I don’t remember the exact number we actually came up with. But it was definitely more than twenty. I actually think it was closer to forty.

April Fool!

Foiled By a Saturday

I thought that I would have many more comments than the few I received regarding my farewell to blogging.

Unfortunately, it being a Saturday – the least likely day for people to be blogging – my joke was foiled.

Rest assured (to whomever may be missing enough sanity to enjoy my blog) that I’m not going anywhere.

It was all in fun.

However, I do appreciate the sentiments that people left. It warms my heart to know that I have made so many new friends on here.

Later on tonight, or tomorrow, I will post the story of one of the best April Fool jokes I ever pulled.


Parting Isn’t Always Sweet

Thank You All

Hey there everyone! This will probably come as a surprise, but due to the fact that I got a new job offer, I will be halting any work I am doing on this space.

There is a certain non-disclosure agreement that I will be signing that forbids me from writing creatively online due to the nature of the work that I will be doing.

It’s an exciting opportunity, and I don’t really want to mess with it, so I’m sure you will all understand.

It’s been a great year and a bit, and I wanted to thank each and every one of you for stopping by and putting your thoughts in the comments sections.

I will miss doing this, but hopefully you will be seeing my work in print and on television soon! I will keep whatever I have posted thusfar on Barking Space for as long as I can. I apologize for any outstanding haiku that have been requested.

You can always e-mail me if you need to get in touch.

A Fond Farewell,