Spam Names
And so, another weekend has come and gone.
I was perusing my junk mail folder last night and picked out the following group of entertaining spam originator names.
Rather than just listing them, I’ve decided to create a little office scenario, and assign some personality to each fake name.
I think it’s a lot more entertaining this way…
Simmering G. Overseers – The perpetual angry boss. Mrs. Overseers is a micromanager’s micromanager. Always looking over the shoulder of her underlings, she stalks about the office, her face a slight reddish twinge, grinding her teeth and exuding steam from her brain.
Crumbliest G. Tabulating – This poor young soul is overworked and underpaid. Working as Mrs. Overseers’ accountant, he’s constantly falling apart from the pressure that is brought by her constant surveillance.
Cattails B. Unkempt – This bookish archivist works long hours for low pay. Her frizzy hair and messy attire are a step towards explaining the problems the office is having locating any documents from before the previous month. Why so unkempt? Too much time in the garden, taking care of “weeds”.
Compensations T. Pet – This payroll worker is the apple of everyone’s eye. She does her job well and looks great to boot. Nobody can place her exotic accent, nor can they figure out her heritage from her other-worldy, beautiful appearance. To the untrained eye it appears that she is under the sway of the higher management types. However, upon closer inspection, it is she who leads them all with a short leash.
Roomful E. Furthest – This portly gentleman has been cursed with a biological weight problem. As if this wasn’t bad enough, he also seems to emit a noxious odour that is repugnant to all but the toughest flies. Sitting low on the totem pole, one would think him assigned to a cubicle like everyone else. However, due to both of his unfortunate traits, he has been assigned to his own office on the opposite side of the building from everyone else.
Waxwing M. Supremacist – The president of our motley crew. His creepy demeanor, racist attitude and oily appearance spook a lot of the people, but none more than the women who work in the office. They are constantly avoiding his lecherous gaze and busy hands. The only one in the office not afraid of him is Miss Pet, who seems to cause him some distress. He thinks her an extremely attractive women, yet she is a “foreigner”. He tends to keep his distance from her.
Benito M. Feliciano – Salesman extraordinaire. This curly-haired adonis walks about in his expensive suits and highly-polished shoes. He is the paragon of confidence. His muscled body apparent beneath his threads. The women in the office swoon when he walks by. Ironically, he only has eyes for young Mr. Tabulating…
Trumpeting O. Sleet – She is the receptionist and switchboard operator all rolled into a sweaty package. She’s never been able to figure out why she gets the cold sweats all the time. It’s not that she’s nervous, nor is she afraid of anything (except Waxwing, who really gets under her skin). No. It’s just one of those mysteries she can’t figure out. The rest of the office is glad that she’s around. Due to her loud voice, they save on public address systems.
Jesus Mayo – The wildcard. He doesn’t actually work in the office, but rather at the deli down the street. A humble man, bearded, in casual clothes, he can make the most heavenly sandwiches in the city. People who eat his food tend to start seeing auras and feeling really groovy. As of yet, no one has ever caught the street urchins transporting large amounts of E into his pantry.
And there we have it. Our dysfunctional office scenario.
I actually quite enjoyed that. I might do that again if the names that appear in my junk mail folder are as interesting as these.
Something To Think About
I’ve been watching a few people lately who have made a career out of changing careers. While I admire their tenacity, I’ve discovered that they’ve painted themselves into a corner by earning themselves a nomadic reputation.
What ever happened to having an open mind about what you are doing right now?
Sometimes the best journeys are the ones inside that start with what you know.
Chasing your dreams can be good. Just make sure to look at the ground every once in a while, to make sure you avoid those nasty cliffs.
A Canadian Project
A thought has been working itself through my brain for the last week or so.
I’ve spoken to Ian and Dave about it. I’ve also dropped hints to Cat.
If anyone is curious about this endeavour, please e-mail me.
I’d post the idea here, but I only really want serious inquiries, and I really want to keep it quiet until it’s done.
Filed under: General Dialogue, Humour, Spaces Archive | 17 Comments »
Barking Space 
You must be logged in to post a comment.