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Jorge’s Guide to Toronto – II

The Journey Continues…

Welcome back to my guide to the city I live in.

In this chapter, I will be dealing with a few more cultures, as well as some extra points you may want to consider.

Landmarks are an important part of travel. They are usually famous places that you can use as a point of reference, so you don’t get lost. You can also learn interesting things about the history of the city from some of the major landmarks, as steps have been taken to ensure that information is posted at these places. Landmarks can also make up part of the unique skyline of the city.

These skylines are like fingerprints. Every major city has a recognizable skyline. If you don’t know what the skyline of your city looks like, just go to a book shop or souvenier store and check out some postcards. A pattern will make itself apparent.

Toronto is no exception. In fact, it has one of the most recognizable skylines of any city in the world…



Is That a Landmark Or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

I have come to the conclusion that if the city of Toronto was a gender, it would be male. I’m not referring to the smell, or stuff lying all over the place. No, I am referring to the giant penis along the lakeshore in our downtown core.

The CN Tower was first conceived as a communications platform (radio and television), a testatment to Canadian ingenuity and probably a healthy dash of my-dad-can-beat-up-your-dad machismo.

From what I gather, the observation decks were added later on in the plan. Construction of the CN Tower was worked on non-stop for over three years. When it was finally completed, it was a sight to behold.

On top of being a communications nexus and observation tower, it also acts as an entertainment centre, complete with revolving restaurant and other goodies. If you decide to try to stand on the transparent floor and pretend you are Superman (the floor looks down several hundred metres to the cold, hard ground below), make sure you wear a diaper.

Visit the CN Tower if you ever find yourself in the neighbourhood. You won’t be disappointed. Following are two links to more information…



Actually, I just checked what I wrote against the Wikipedia entry and I was right on the money! Not that I would have changed anything if was wrong…



Portuguese

There are two major subgroups in this category: European and Brazilian. Since I haven’t been able to find the geographical distribution to indicate distinction, I’ve thrown them both into one category.

This could be considered a faux-pas, as I have observed that the older generations of European and Brazilian Portuguese people have some kind of long-standing feud based on something lost to memory. The younger generations don’t, though, which makes visiting these parts of town a lot more comfortable.

Another interesting distinction is the language. While they both speak Portuguese, they each have their own variations. European Portuguese is a clipped, sharp-sounding latinesque language. The Brazilian version, on the other hand, is softer and more sultry.

Vocabulary is also tricky. A Brazilian acquaintance of mine told me once that he was in Portugal, and someone asked him (in European Portuguese) to stand in a queue to wait for the banker. In Brazilian, the European word for queue translates to homosexual. Needless to say my acquaintance was momentarily taken aback. Brazilian contains a lot of slang, usually double meanings of a sexual nature. Hell, I think every word in Brazilian contains some sexual connotation.

From my observations, there are two major sections of the city that can be classified as Portuguese


  • Bloor St W from Ossington to Dufferin

  • Dundas St W from Ossington to Lansdowne


These neighbourhoods have some great little markets to do grocery shopping, as well as a lot of bakeries. You can’t visit one of these neighbourhoods without trying one of the infamous Portuguese custard tarts called pasteis de nata. These heavenly baked treats simply melt in your mouth. Each bakery and coffee shop has their own unique flavour. Ironically, in my opinion, the best pasteis de nata can be attained at Caldense, which is nowhere near the neighbourhoods listed above. These tarts are almost if not as good as the original pasteis from Belém in Porgugal.

When strolling around in these areas, you might also be lucky enough to see a game of Capoeira in progress. Capoeira is a Brazilian martial art, which you can read about here. You should join in the music by clapping to the rhythm (if those in the circle are clapping). Don’t stand too close to the inner circle surrounding the action, though. You might be asked to play.

Every lunch and dinner hour are bustling around these neighbourhoods. Weekends, there are probably even more people out for walks with their families, chatting with neighbours, and so on. Yes, in true Europen fashion, there are also old men wearing hats, playing cards and possibly soccer.





Index

  1. Introduction, Italian, Chinese

  2. CN Tower, Portuguese

  3. TTC, Greek

  4. Zanta, Ukrainian

A Quick Thought: Love

A Quick Thought

I was at my friend Leah‘s site last night, where she posted a question asking what love is.

I typed my answer in a comment.

I wanted to touch on the more active nature of the feelings around love. I bounced the comment off a few people and then refined it to reach something a little more widely understandable.

This is what I came up with (add your own thoughts in the comment section if you like)…


“You place all your faith in something beyond your senses and yet, through your will, it becomes more solid than stone.”


Hai-Kuul – Oct 20, 2005

More n’ More (Requested by princess_castle)
Yet another storm
Followed by a hurricane
Too much suffering


Stray Dogs (Requested by princess_castle)
Abandoned puppies
Left to their own devices
Trying to survive


Attitude (Requested by princess_castle)
What’s inside your mind
Can make itself apparent
In curious ways


Sleeping Bags (Requested by princess_castle)
Curled up and stock still
Tucked in the warmest blankets
Old ladies sleeping


O Well (Has been requested before by princess_castle)


What Else? (Requested by princess_castle)
So many choices
How many do we need for
True variety?




*Remember, you can submit a topic to inspire your very own Haiku Poem by clicking here. You can read about Hai-Kuul here.

Voodoo Television Power

Anyone Know a Good Voodoo Priest?

I usually take the bus in the morning to get to the subway station. The station is only a ten minute walk from my house, but when trying to get into work on time, every minute is precious.

Also, it is usually less of a sweat-inducing ordeal to just catch the bus and ride it down to the station, shaving five minutes and about a litre of sweat off the journey.

This morning I was about a block away from the bus stop.

I saw the people begin to line up, and I knew the bus was coming, so I broke into a sprint.

I made it just as he was closing the door. There was plenty of room on the bus, and he could have waited a few seconds to let me in.

Instead he decided to close the door and drive away.

The worst part of it all was that he was staring at me the whole time.

Prick.



If Television Were In My Power…

A long overdue Dave & Jorge exchange.

There is a television show called CSI (Crime Scene Investigation). The show is awesome. It always starts out with the initial crime scene. One of the CSIs will show up (usually Grissom) and have an exchange with Detective Brass. Inevitably, a bad pun makes itself known followed by the theme song.

For some reason, Dave and I were on a kick one day. We started writing new intros to the series, replacing Grissom with Dave.

I don’t even remember how this particular exchange started, but it ended up becoming damned funny. Well, damned funny to us, anyway.

If you are having trouble with the ending of each little segment, Dave and I were trying to type out the music to the CSI theme*


Intro 1
[Dave arrives on the scene. Detective Brass is standing over the body of a bloody corpse.]
Brass: Wow, what a way to go…
Dave: What happened?
Brass: Someone shot this priest in the head.
Dave: I guess we should get to work on his holiness..
Music: WAH-WAH-WON-WON…DUH! DUH-NUH!


Intro 2
[Dave meets Brass in a dark alley where the body of a hooker was found.]
Dave: What happened here?
Brass: We found this prostitute murdered. No one could hear her scream because her tongue was cut out.
Dave: [Looking sombre] That’s horrible. I guess it’s time to work the scene.
Brass: If only the dead could talk.
Dave: We’d find that the answer was on the tip of her tongue
Music: WAH-WAH-WON-WON…DUH! DUH-NUH!


Intro 3
[Brass is waiting for Dave in the kitchen of a home in a rich neighbourhood.]
Brass: You’re not going to believe this one.
Dave: What?
Brass: The wife took her husband’s face, forced it into the grinder over there, and served it to all the neighbours as meat pie. Now all the neighbours are dead–we found half of them on their toilets.
Dave: Dysentery?
Brass: Looks like.
Dave: Wow. The face that launched a thousand shits.
Music: WAH-WAH-WON-WON…DUH! DUH-NUH!


Intro 4
[Brass is carefully checking over the scene in a clinic.]
Dave: [Looking Tired] What happened here?
Brass: Well, this case involves a lady who went to a plastic surgeon for a breast enlargement.
Dave: So?
Brass: He said he could enlarge her breasts immensely. When she didn’t get the results she wanted, she stabbed him in the eye, and he died.
Dave: That’s what you get when you try to make mountains out of molehills…
Music: WAH-WAH-WON-WON…DUH! DUH-NUH!


We totally could be up for an Emmy.





* – “Who Are You?” by The Who

Best LOL Within

Best Friend. Worst Influence

I am the king of idiots.

I suppose that should be capitalized…

Make that the King of Idiots, or Ye Olde Kinge of Idiotse.

When I was a child, I had a ridiculously high IQ (or so people tell me).

Then, I discovered beer and I set the record for degradation of IQ score. Consequently, I always end up getting myself into stupid situations because I can’t keep my mouth shut.

My good friends know that I will pretty much do anything if they dare me or make fun of me. Probably a throwback to childhood when people would make fun of me but I couldn’t actually do anything about it.

Here are some examples…


I was visiting Tien a few years ago, and his dad has an awesome sense of humour. His dad also knew that we’re mildly competitive with each other.

We were sitting in their living room and talking about mowing lawns…


Jorge: Is your backyard very big?
Tien’s Dad: Big enough. You know, Tien can cut the grass in fifteen minutes. That’s pretty fast.
Jorge: [Leaning out of his chair and checking out the lawn.] Really?
[Everyone laughs because they know Jorge is wondering if he could cut it faster.]


Here is another instance from a few weeks ago at Tien’s Stag. We were eating at Schwartz’s in Montréal. They have a combo that is essentially gigantic, and I wasn’t sure if I could eat it or not. I asked everyone what they were having…


Jorge: Tien, what are you having?
Tien: Number Six. Schwartz’s Combo.
Jorge: What about you, mano?
Dave: I don’t know. I’m hungry, but I’m not sure if- What the hell. I’ll have number six.
Jorge: I’m not sure if I want that combo. I mean, a nice smoked meat sandwich could hit the spot.
Dave: Well, that’s ok. You can eat what you want. You don’t have to get the number six [Looking down and smirking.].
Jorge: Bastard.


Of course, I ordered the Schwartz’s combo. It was good, but I think I offset the orbit of the Earth after eating that meal.

Fast forward to last week when Dave wrote this entry. He mentioned the National Novel Writing Month contest. Essentially, one has to write a novel in a month (at least 50000 words).

I almost dismissed this until I read this line at the end of the entry…


What do you think? Tell me what to do. And if you’ve got the yarbles, suffer with me.


I am such an idiot.

Of course I agreed to join him. And I actually might only have 3 weeks to do it if my wife and I end up going on vacation at the end of November.

This is like a 200-page Schwartz’s combo.

Let’s hope I can get through it.



ROTK LOL (Skip this if you are not the least bit geeky)

So, nerd that I am, I invited some friends over to watch Lord of the Rings: Return of the King on Saturday afternoon.

These types of events are usually chock full of good food and drinks. Yesterday was no exception.

I got to meet James, which was awesome. I MSN with him every now and then (sounds kinky), and so I know him in that respect. Now I can put a face to the typing, and he’s a pretty cool guy.

He lives just North of my friend Dave (not Dave but the other one), who was also coming down for the movie, but lacks vehicular mobility.

Rather than have Dave taking the not-so-reliable public transit system, I asked James if he could pick Dave up.

That must have been interesting*


[Doorbell rings. Dave opens door.]
James: Hi. I’m looking for Dave.
Dave: That’s me! You must be James.
James Yup! Ready to go?
Dave: Yes I am!
[Dave grabs his coat and his contribution to the potluck and they get in James’ car.]
Dave: So, are you a friend of Jorge’s?
James: Not really. You are, though, right?
Dave: Yeah. Um…Do you know him very well?
James: Not really.
Dave: Am I safe? Or should I jump out of the car now?


They seemed to have hit it off, though, as they weren’t trying to kill each other when I answered the door.

A few more people arrived and we settled in to watch the flick. The movie is longer than four hours, so we made sure to bring all of the food with us into the living room, so as to minimize disruption.

When I watch movies with my good friends, one of two scenarios happen…

  • We watch the movie in rapt silence, enjoying every minute
  • We insert our own funny commentary, enjoying every minute


Dave and I were quiet, but James started off and people started laughing. Once that happened, the floodgates opened and Dave and I set the commentary party ablaze (acutally, everyone had some hilarious lines).

I would have to say the best line was during a scene where Sauron’s Army marches forth from Minas Morgul. The Witch King of Angmar is flying on his fell beast over the canyon, where the road to the Black Gate is packed totally solid.

As the Nazgul flew over the army, Dave said…


Traffic is currently backed up all the way to Minas Morgul!


We all burst out laughing hysterically.



Positivity Needed. Apply Within.

A friend of mine is going through a tough time right now.

I don’t feel comfortable writing about the situation, out of respect for my friend. It’s nothing evil. It’s just a very sad event. If you have any spare positive thoughts/energy/prayers that you can send my way, I’ll pass them on.

If you know who I am talking about, please don’t mention names in the comments.

Due to my hero complex, I feel utterly helpless in situations like this.




* – This conversation is entirely ficticious.