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Ringing Home

Another week goes by, and I realize that keeping a Blog is fun. That being said, keeping up with other people’s blogs is where the time gets burned like toast in a blast furnace.

There are also so many things to talk about, and I will once again be relying on the heading strategy. Excellent.



Technology Can Indeed Suck

I was watching an episode of Mr. Show the other day and I laughed heartily (as I usually do when I watch Mr. Show). The skit had David Cross playing an audio traditionalist. He insisted that the old ways were best, and that listening to music without the pops and hisses produced by a Victrola. I thought that it was a bit extreme (which is why I found it funny).

However, this week, standing at the bus depot, waiting for the bus (duh), I heard a plethora of different musical cellular phone ring tones. From Thriller to Shook Me All Night Long, it was a bothersome ordeal. I can guarantee you that at some point in the near future, the theme song from Knight Rider will ensue and three people in the room will reach for their phones.

What’s next? Toilets that play “Hail to the Chief” when you pull the handle?



I’m at Home Being a Gamer

Shatton and I were laughing the other day at the positions of our hands at rest on our keyboards.

I will explain…

In high school, if you took any sort of keyboarding or typing class, you learn that your four left fingers should be resting on ASDF and your four left fingers should be resting on JKL;. These are the home key positions.

Another application of the keyboard is for gaming. In most action games (1st person), the keys used to move your character are the cursor keys, or the A (Left) S (Right) D (Back) and W (Forward) keys. The mouse is usually used for targeting and firing weapons.

Shatton and I found it amusing that the home key positions for us involved having our right hand on our mouse and the first three fingers on the left hand touching ASD.

We are SO nerdy…..

Short and Sweet

I was just on Reay‘s site reading one of his rants.

It’s about junk mail, and how some of us put up signs that inform the bearers of this plague that we don’t want any.

And yet, these dorks still put junk in our mailboxes.

I have a simple 4-step plan to remedy this. If we all did it, there would be less junk mail.

Observe…

  1. Put all your junk mail in a bag after one month
  2. Reach in and pick out a random piece of junk mail (lottery style)
  3. Make note of the address on the piece of junk mail you pulled out of the bag
  4. Take all your junk mail from the bag and deposit it in their mailbox


Revenge can be simple and awesome.

Man About Town

In the spirit of having a title that doesn’t really refer to the body of the message, my dialogue today will have nothing to do with what I wrote as the header. You can thank Shatton for this. He’s a bad influence.

I was trying to figure out what to write today, as there are several things that are on my mind. Of course, in times of need, I turn to Shatton, who had a bunch of headers embedded in his Blog. He is a genius.



Superdickery

Albert sent me this site over MSN the other night when we were chatting. It is the funniest site I’ve come across in a long time. And what is funnier is that my mom owns a good portion of the comic books contained in that site.

When we were kids, my mom bought a big box of comics for us to read. I remember distinctly wondering why the covers of the books were so stupid. I suppose that the comic book industry was trying to get a broad range of people to enter the fold, so they started publishing whatever they could. Seriously, though, if these were published today, there would be plenty of lawsuits flying around.



Abreast – Not the Good Kind

One thing that really gets my goat are those people who like to walk like an army along the sidewalk. You know the kind. They stand shoulder to shoulder taking up the whole sidewalk, and march forward, blabbing on and on and not paying any attention the fact that some poor old lady has just climbed up a tree to get out of their sidewalk-hogging-way.

My new streategy is to treat this like a game of “Red Rover”. I will essentially stick to my route, and not really deviate very much (I tend to walk on the right side of the sidewalk, relative to the direction I am facing). Most people move out of the way.

Stupid people don’t. So they get knocked about like tenpins.

I love when people who get upset about this. They confront me about the fact that I got in their way. I usually politely remind them that the sidewalk is for everyone, and that they should pay more attention and walk in a more reasonable formation, so as not to take up so much room.

Some apologize. This is nice. On the other hand, some people just grumble to themselves, insisting that they have the right to block up the sidewalk.

There is a name for this type of person. My friend Christian shared it with me. The name is ass-cube.



Treated Like Crap

At the place where I work, we have something called “Treat Day”. Every payday, one of four teams brings in treats for people. I remember when I moved to this location, and people had heard that I liked to cook. They were very quick to tell me that it was always better when people brought in home-made stuff, rather than store-bought stuff.

I agreed with them. Nothing is worse than the person that shows up to a potluck (that has been specified as being a home-made goods potluck) with 2 bags of chips or something. The exception to this is if they had a reasonable excuse. You know. Things like…


  • My power was off all night
  • I was abducted by aliens and was probed, and quite liked it


The night before my first Treat Day, I made spring rolls. Filipino-style. From scratch (I didn’t make the Lumpia paper from scratch, but I do know how). I made one hundred of the two-inch long little treats. Pork. Shrimp. Water chestnuts. A whack of ingredients all hand diced and lovingly deep fried in groups of 6.

I really loves showing up to the potluck with my homemade treat, only to see a container of Kirkland cookies from Costco. What effort that must have taken!

Jackasses.

Effort-Less

I study Karate (Goju-Ryu for those who know a little bit more than the average bear). I find it to be a great form of self defence, exercise, and mental development.

I also study Capoeira (A brazillian ‘martial art’). It teaches you flexibility and flow, as well as music and rhythm.

I used to study several other martial arts that I will not bother going into, as it will take a while to describe each of them properly (my descriptions for the two listed above are very brief, at best).

Martial Arts, though beneficial for so many reasons, is not right for everyone. For some, it is religious beliefs. For others, it is their hesitation due to what they believe to be lack of ability. There are even folks who just don’t want to due to lack of interest.

My wife, for example, is not one of these people. She has flat out refused to want anything to do with martial arts, and that’s fine. She’s honest about it. Mind you, this won’t stop me from periodically trying to subtly sell her the idea….



Jorge: So, want to do Karate?
Mrs. J:
No.
Jorge:
Are you sure? It’s awesome. You should do Karate.
Mrs. J:
[Getting irritated.] No!
Jorge:
Come on, I’ll be your best friend. Come on and do Karate!
Mrs. J:
[Without hesitation delivers unholy beating to Jorge which no Martial Art can defend, then walks away.]
Jorge:
[Lying in a broken heap, weakly raising his index finger.] Are you sure?


There are two types of people that bug me when it comes to not wanting to do Martial Arts.

The first type of people that bug me are those who are just afraid of trying new things in general, and yet, don’t express this. Instead, they choose to come up with all kinds of excusues.

My favourite excuse usually goes something like this…


Person: Hey Jorge.
Jorge:
Yo.
Person:
How is Karate going?
Jorge:
It’s going well.
Person:
Oh that’s great! I’ve always thought about Karate.
Jorge:
Really? The dojo I attend is awesome. Even if you don’t go to that one, though, you should still consider it. It’s good for you.
Person:
Yeah. I don’t know. I’m not really in good enough shape for it. I’d rather take an aerobics class first so that I can be in good enough shape for Karate…..
Jorge:
[Pulls out his own eyes and pours Sulfuric Acid into the sockets, melting his own brain in disbelief.]


What kind of logic is this? I mean, I can understand taking an aerobics class to supplement the Karate would be a great thing. Karate isn’t always the best aerobic workout. However, Karate is exercise. If you go to Karate (or any other martial art), your fitness level will improve by just doing that art!

Usually these same sorts of people give the same excuse if you were to ask them if they are going to attend that aerobics class…


Jorge: [With newly regenerated brain and eyes.] So did you ever make it to that aerobics class?
Person: No. I’m not in good enough shape yet to go to an aerobics class.
Jorge: [Runs screaming out of the conversation.]


The second type that bother me are the people who want the most amount of return from Martial Arts for a minimal amount of work. These people come up with all kinds of excuses as well.

These are the folks that watch Jackie Chan movies and want to do all the moves, yet they don’t take the time to even think about how much effort those moves take.

In my old Capoeira academy, there were a couple of guys that saw a movie called Only the Strong. The movie itself isn’t all that great, but it has some nice movements in it. Not to mention Marc Dacascos, who is pretty cool. Anyhow, these guys came to class hoping to be able to duplicate some of the crazy stunts from the movie.

Of course, they didn’t take into account the fact that they would need to spend every class doing drills and stretching and learning the rules of the Art before they could even think of doing the moves from the movie. Once they found this out, they didn’t enjoy it so much anymore.

It wasn’t as if they didn’t like Capoeira. They just didn’t want to do the work. A lot of people these days are all about instant gratification (I am guilty of this when it comes to buying crap like DVDs) and the easy way out. They can’t handle the wait or the work to achieve the desired result.

So they did what any lazy person would do: they gave up.

I wonder if they went to aerobics class instead…

WTHITA?*******

I am going to hell.

My online english has become atrocious, and I continuously violate the sanctity of the written word in day-to-day e-mails and MSN Messenger.

It’s bad enough that I am met with blank stares from people when I tell them that I have a blog*. But I’ve been catching myself using abbreviated non-words to represent actual words, because, sadly, it’s just faster.

Or maybe I’m just getting lazy.

It all started with the abbreviated text in chat rooms and messenger programs:

Things like LOL**, ROTFLMAO***, HCIFTATFS****.

I remember using them for the first time back in university. I remember how convenient they were to use, and how much they sped up the conversation. Now I have become an abuser, and have taken my crimes to whole new levels. I have started using emoticons as a substitute for words.

For example…



Dave‘s Email: Hey Manus! How was your evening?
Jorge’s Response:
😀


Or…



Shatton‘s E-mail: Jorge! Holy crap! What did you think of that BFME game last night?
Jorge’s Response:
😯


And even…



Reay‘s E-mail: Jorge. How would I get from Union Station to the Airport using the TTC? Do you know which station I would have to transfer at? And do you know which bus I would need to catch?
Jorge’s Response:
🙄
Reay‘s Response: Thanks for nothing, Ass-Hat
Shatton‘s Response:
What are you talking about? It’s so obvious!

(My friend Suzy actually pointed out that I usually finish off every other line in MSN Messenger with a :). I have since gone to therapy to try and solve this problem.)


I’ve become the propagator of online idiocy. The lazy person’s way of communicating. This is not really very good.

What’s worse is that my e-sloth is constantly evolving. I have (as I mentioned before) started using non-words to represent real ones based on how they sound. Non-words like ‘prolly (probably) and mebbe (maybe – which makes no sense, as they contain the same number of letters) have started to infiltrate my dialogue on the net.

The funny thing is that when it comes to profanity, I will usually type out my expletives in full. In fact, I will even add letters to them, or run several together as one word to express my mood. Seventeen exclamation marks after a particularly good swear is not unheard of. So, not only am I lazy in the wrong area of communicating, but I have successfully managed to trip the alarms on all kinds of Spam Alert applications. My friend Reay has created an equation for this…



((H*E)^b)/(((BFME+A)*poo)/B) = S

Where


  • H = how often Jorge replies

  • E = Jorge’s replies of just emoticons

  • b = brown

  • BFME = Number of times Jorge has played Battle For Middle-Earth

  • A = Number of times Jorge has played Academy

  • poo = poo

  • B = Number of times Jorge has played Battlefront

  • S = The % likelihood the message will be SpamBlokkr2000(TM)-trapped e-mail

(Please note that Reay is not a mathematician)



You know things are not good when people are making equations out of your habits*****. I guess we’ll have to see what happens to me on this crazy road to perdition that I have chosen. At least my entries on my blog are written in full. Right?

Ah well.

😉******





* – blog – Web Log. A frequent publication of personal thoughts.
** – LOL – Laugh Out Loud
*** – ROTFLMAO – Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Ass Off
**** – HCIFTATFS – Holy Crap I Forgot To Add The Fabric Softener
***** – REAY = BEDWETTER
****** – 😉 – Van Hammersly
******* – WTHITA? – What The Hell Is This About?