Barking Space

Imbalanced

The human body is an amazing and complex machine. Many different systems work together to keep the body working 24 hours a day. From mobility to sensory perception, the various processes of the body leave me in awe.

Especially the processes that govern stubbornness.

I was on the subway today, and there stood a man, roughly 6’2, reading a newspaper. This is not out of the ordinary. What was weird was that he was standing facing away from the direction the subway was going. That is, he was facing west while the train was moving east. Usually people stand facing the direction of travel, or at least stand perpendicular to it, so that they maintain their balance. Mr. Ninja, on the other hand, felt no such obligation.

Secondly, he wasn’t holding onto anything except his newspaper. This does not bode well for anyone, really, as the subway does obey the laws of physics, and things like inertia still exist in the modern world. No passive laser restraint system á la Knight Rider (I never understood what the hell that meant anyway). No inertial dampeners á la Star Trek. Just plain old nothing.

I stood behind this guy (because that was the only place to stand). At pretty much every station, when the subway would stop (not smoothly, either), Mr. Balance would topple backwards onto me, and I’d help stop his descent. He would never thank me. He just went back to reading his paper and neglecting practicality by not holding onto a railing.

After the fifth time this occurred, I got sick of it. It was annoying. So I stood back a little, as the crowd had thinned somewhat. At the next stop, he toppled backwards, but I wasn’t there for him to lean on. He looked around in a panic and our eyes met. He looked at me as if to say, you aren’t here to catch me! You betrayed me! Why?!?!!? I shot a look back that said, you are a moron. Hold on to the damned railing next time. I ended up helping him anyway, lest the poor old lady in his path leave the subway with all of her bones broken by a stubborn moron.

Needless to say, after that fall he held onto the railing.

Friendship is Scary

Once in a while a group of us play Star Wars Jedi Knight: Jedi Academy online. It is great. You get to run around, being a Jedi or Sith warrior, and fighting with your friends. A great way to relieve stress, and an endless source of amusement.

We usually play Team Free-For-All mode. That is, there are two teams, and anything goes. Whichever team gets the most kills wins.

One particular night, my Jedi teammate (Pokemon) and I were teamed up against Megashaun, Maelstrom, and Aggies one fine evening. The game was pretty close (as usual), and we were at a stalemate. The particular level we were playing involved a deep canyon with a river at the bottom of it, and some ruins on one side of the canyon and a temple or something on the other side. The three Sith were inside the structure, and Pokemon and I were outside, on either side of the door.

In real life, Pokemon (Tien) and I share an eerie ability of wordless communication in various athletic activities. We can read each other’s eyes.

I wondered, at that moment, if he could figure out a plan I had just concocted by following my motions. So I jumped on top of the door. I hoped that he would stand in front of the door (which would open) and lure own the Sith, so that I might smite them from above (death from above, as it were).

Not surprisingly, Pokemon did exactly what I hoped he would do, and within a few seconds there were 2 less Sith Lords walking around with their heads.

This was scary enough, but something even more eerie happened yesteraday when I was chatting with Shatton.

We were chatting on MSN about my new photography site. I was joking about how awesome it was going to be, and he was asking if it was going to be like Zombo (best site ever). For some reason, a Mr. Show skit popped into my head. It involved two landlords yelling at each other. This was unrelated to what we were typing, and I honestly don’t know why I thought of it*.

I found the episode transcript so I could quote it without making a mistake, and I was about to type one of the funnier lines when Shatton typed: I SHIT ON YOUR PISS.

This scared the bejeezus out of me, as the line I was about to type was: I PISS ON YOUR SPIT!

It wouldn’t have been so weird if we were talking about Mr. Show (which we weren’t). But we were not. Not to mention that they were two corresponding lines in a skit from a show comprised of twelve skits. This particular show was one of ten shows from season three. There are four seasons of Mr. Show.

WHAT THE HELL ARE THE CHANCES OF THAT HAPPENING?

I went out and bought a Banco scratch lottery ticket. I didn’t win anything, as Shatton and I apparently wasted our luck quoting Mr. Show.

DAMMIT!

*The reason I have been talking about Mr. Show so much is that Shatton recently loaned me several Mr. Show DVDs.

Filed under: Friends, General Dialogue, Spaces Archive | 7 Comments »