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The Handsome Canadian

The Handsome Man

There is a submarine sandwich shop nearby. I go there once in a while. Almost all the ladies behind the counter are flirty latinas. They are of varying age and not all of them are really my type, truth be told (not that I’m looking). However, they are notoriously friendly, and they always make me smile. Observe…

 

Jorge: Hi there, I’d like a grilled cheddar club, please.
Sandwich Girl: [Assembling Sub.] What would you like on it?
J: Tomatoes, lettuce, green peppers, mushrooms and a little mayo and mustard, please.
SG: [Looking coy.] You have a sexy accent.
J: Actually, I have a cold.
SG: You should never lose your cold. At least, I hope you don’t.
J: Er….Thanks?

 

I don’t go in there all the time. Partially because I can’t eat submarine sandwiches every day, but also partly because I am afraid of them devouring me or something. I think they are reverse vampires.

The best exchange that I had is from the other day. There are two gals involved behind the counter this time. One was older (probably in her late forties) and the other was younger (mid twenties). I think the younger one was the daughter of the older one. Either way…

 

Sandwich Lady: [Nudging the Sandwich Girl as I walk in.] Oh look! Here comes…the handsome man*.
Jorge: [Blushing early in the exchange already.] Hi ladies.
SL: [Grinning.] What can I get for…the handsome man?
J: I’ll have a pizza sub, please.
SL: [Industriously working away at making my lunch, singing.] I am making a sandwich for…the handsome man
Sandwich Girl: What are you doing? [Looking at SL incredulously.]
SL: I am serving this…handsome man here [Winks at me.].
SG: Do you think you should be talking like that? [Looking apologetically at me.]
SL: Of course! He’s a…handsome man. Are you disagreeing with me?
SG: Well…[Looking embarassed.]…No…
SL: See?
[At this point, the man standing in line behind me decided to chime in.]
Man In Line: What about me, am I a handsome man too?
SL: [Turns to man, and her smile flies off her face to be replaced by a stern frown.] No.

I had to stifle a laugh. Tears formed and I hurriedly wiped them away. I felt horrible for that guy, but at the same time it was hilarious.

While I don’t think I’m hideous, I don’t think I am anywhere close to making it onto the Friday list on Kill the Goat by any stretch of the imagination.

Still, it’s nice to be flattered, even by crazy people.

Canadian Tired

I was at Canadian Tire yesterday, and a mother and her two daughters were shopping for camping supplies. One girl was sitting in the cart in the child prison, while the other was walking around looking at everything. This kid had what I refer to as the chaos touch. She would walk by displays and things would fall of their own accord without her touching anything.

I sometimes marvel at the logic that parents use when dealing with their children. Check out this dialogue between the two of them…

 

Daughter: [Running up to her mother, holding a campfire sandwich griller.] Mom! Check this out, isn’t it cool?
Mother: What is it?
D: Well, it’s a thing you can use to make grilled sandwiches and pancakes. Wouldn’t that be cool, mom?
M: But we bought a stove. We can just make pancakes on the stove.
D: But wouldn’t it be cool to make pancakes on the fire?
M: Well that’s nice, honey, but pancakes taste better on the stove.
D: Can we at least show dad? He might like it!
M: I don’t think so. I think he likes the stove better.
D: [To her credit, she wasn’t whining, she was just persistent.] Don’t you think we need this in case the stove doesn’t work?
M: The stove is new it will work. Just go put it back.
D: Okay, mom. I still think it would’ve been cool.
[I was impressed at the mother in how she dealt with the situation. Well, I was until…]
M: Now this is something cool [Pointing at a display.].
D: What is it?
M: A lantern. But it’s remote controlled.
D: Wow. Do we really need that?
M: Oh yes. I think we could definitely use that…

 

Now, the campfire griller was about ten dollars or something cheap like that. The remote control lantern? A mere eighty dollars, for a completely impractical device no less (in my mind, anyway). I would have relented eventually for the griller, if only to keep my kids busy (supervised, of course, even though it is quite safe).

But to buy a remote control lantern…

Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but what the hell good is it?

 

* – To fully appreciate this story you have to pronouce this the same way that the Sandwich Lady did. She would pause slightly just before she would say “handsome man”, and the way she would pronounce it was “hend-a-sum man-a” (The last “a” was not a full “a” but rather, a very small one. Sort of like emphasizing the “n” when you say “the letter n”).

Hai-Kuul – July 25, 2005

French Films (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
Movies about love
Set in obscure cityscapes
Always unresolved


Allergies Snallergies (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
Dandelions, eh?
Those weeds don’t bother me any
Antihistamines!


Gezondheid (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
She meant gesundheit
Spelling foreign words is tough
I’d just say bless you


Rosy Skin (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
Your skin has turned pink
Compliments tend to do that
But you deserve them


Thank You Sunshine (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
You make me feel good
The way you warm up my heart
From beyond the Earth


Gentle Clarity (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
To remind gently
Is like a careful nudging
To hit your point home


Oomph (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
That was quite a bump
Can’t feel my teeth anymore
This car needs new shocks


Upside Yo Head (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
You’re on my bad side
When you say those kinds of things
Watch out for my fist


Every Day it Makes Me Cry (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
The poor dog next door
Appears to be neglected
I’d take care of him


My Computer (Requested by TheresaWarriorPrincess)
Clicking merrily
It’s just a matter of time
Before something dies




*Remember, you can submit a topic to inspire your very own Haiku Poem by clicking here. You can read about Hai-Kuul here.

If Another Tree Falls In the Forest…

If Jesus Blogged No One Would Ever Know

In the face of comments posted from zealots (who don’t listen to my requests to stop posting crap on my blog), a peculiar thought entered my head…


Picture the second coming of Christ. Jesus sits at his computer wearing jeans and a nice long-sleeved collared shirt and some Tevas, and he’s typing away on his self-coded blog (Self coded? It’s Jesus for God’s sake! He can do anything!). He finishes a thoughtful and insightful article on the latest political happenings and then retires to his study to read some books by Deepak Chopra…


I wonder how many people would read that article written by Jesus and just scan over it to move onto the next blog? Would anyone even guess it’s Him, or would they even care?

I doubt that anyone would really pick up on Jesus blogging. Heck, I doubt that any of the religious heavy-hitters would really get noticed, for that matter. Mohammed and Brahma would probably be as frustrated as Jesus with the lack of real response to what they are writing. It’s because they would get eclipsed by people’s faith.

People’s faith, you ask?

Let me break it down for you…

I have respect for people’s beliefs. I think that it’s wonderful when people stand up for what they believe in. Religious faith is part of that. While I may not believe in what others do, it doesn’t mean I can’t repsect their point of view.

Now on the other hand, some people really take their faith far too seriously. I’m not referring to conviction here, either. I’m talking about how they show people how faithful they are. They go over the top.

Blogging has made it very easy to do this. People express their faith with bells and whistles, and go around to others’ blogs and leave lengthy messages about how to live your life. They have ten million emoticons and pictures on their blogs of all things glitzy to emphasize how much they believe in what they believe in. It’s like Las Vegas, in a convenient, easy-to-read format.

This kind of thing doesn’t impress me. I believe that this doesn’t really impress a lot of people.

In fact, it probably turns a lot of people off of believing in anything, because it has too much flash and not enough thought.

And so what would one more person be expressing their views about religion, even if it was Jesus or Mohammed or Brahma? Probably nothing to a lot of people. Just another slob, like one of us (borrowing from Joan Osbourne a little), posting what we believe to be nothing of consequence.

It’s a shame, really. No matter what you believe, you can always learn something new from a well-expressed opinion.

Hai-Kuul – July 22, 2005

Don’t Know How to Party (Requested by The Shellie)
What am I doing?
I am agoraphobic!
I can’t even dance!


Jimmy Crack Corn and I Don’t Care or Do I? (Requested by The Shellie)
My master is dead
I’m not even in his will
Stupid Blue-Tailed fly


Anything Tastes Good Fried (Requested by The Shellie)
Coat it in batter
And it will taste like butter
Great, greasy goodness!


Wedding Crashers (Requested by The Shellie)
Who the hell are you?
Where’s your invitation, punk?
Or at least, a gift!


Thunderstorm On the Lake (Requested by Cat)
Rolling thunder and
Twice as much lightning as it
Reflects in the lake


Kids Feeding Ducks (Requested by Cat)
They feel so useful
Throwing breadcrumbs on the ground
To watch the results


Diving Into Deep Water (Requested by Cat)
Water rushes past
As your surroundings darken
You dive to the depths!


Cannonballs (Requested by Cat)
Leaping. Hurtling
Curled into a tight, round ball
To make a big splash




*Remember, you can submit a topic to inspire your very own Haiku Poem by clicking here. You can read about Hai-Kuul here.

I Like the Creative Education Story

Why I Like Superman

A lot of my close friends will tell you that I am obsessed with Superman. Not in a crazy-nutcase-fan way, but in a more subtle, thoughtful way.

One of my favourite shows of all time is the animated series created in 1996. In my opinion it is more consistent than the comic books (which change the story every five seconds).

I recently ordered this on DVD, and I was watching an episode the other day when my wife sat down beside me to pass some time. She’s pretty cool for watching some of my favourite shows with me and asking questions about the characters.

She asked me why I liked Superman above all other superheroes.

This was a good question. I told her I would think about it, and here is the result.

To say I like Superman might be a bit of a misleading statement. Instead, I’ll state that I have a particular vision of Superman that I really like a lot. To find out what this images is, and why I like it, we’ll have to start at the beginning.

Growing up, I would catch episodes of Superman on television. Superman was even on Sesame Street once. As a kid, I liked the fact that superman could fly, and that he was very strong. Above those qualities, I admired him for his principles, and how he would use his gifts to help those who needed assistance. One thing that I really wanted to be when I was a child was helpful (who knows what happened since then).

Here was a guy who had unlimited potential. He could use his powers to get money and toys and whatever else my imagination could think of, and yet he just helped out.

As I got older, my mother introduced me to comic books. She bought a big box and I would read and re-read everything in there. I used to know most of the stories by heart. I enjoyed some of them immensely.

Unfortunately, not all of them were to my liking. Being a nerdy kid, I had a better-than-average understanding of science. A lot of what happened in the comic books was very odd, and didn’t make sense. Also, at that time, I would watch Justice League of America and Superfriends on television. Superman was much stronger in these newer cartoons. In fact, in one episode the Earth’s orbit was disrupted, sending our planet hurtling into the sun. Superman actually moved the planet back into orbit.

While superpowers are a thing of fantasy, this didn’t really jive with me. No one should ever be that powerful. It was too fantastic.

I fell out of my Superman admiration phase, and kept up with Batman. I started reading more Marvel comics, and enjoyed Daredevil and Wolverine. Two of the most flawed heroes you can imagine. Superman had no flaws anymore, and that made him uninteresting.

Fast forward to my university days and a book called Kingdom Come. This comic book should be read by everyone. It is the story of how Superman leaves Metropolis because people want more violent heroes. Eventually things spiral out of control and he comes back. It’s a great commentary on the state of comics, and on the state of people in these modern times. There are moments where Superman believes that he is right in taking control of the situation. But then there are times when he despairs at his lack of perspective, and has no idea what to do.

This book portrayed the most human Superman ever, in my opinion. I was hooked again. The regular series was mediocre, and enjoyable enough, but it didn’t strike as resonant a chord as Kingdom Come did.

Shortly after the release of that book the new animated Superman show aired. Superman was not so perfect. He took his lumps, and he got angry just like a normal person. While mostly benevolent, he had his moments where it looked like he was thinking about pounding the crap out of some criminal.

In the pilot episode a large battle suit is stolen. The terrorists use it against Superman. Over and over the terrorist John Corben keeps hammering Superman with all manner of weaponry. Finally Superman takes the suit apart, pulls John out, and asks (with a very angry expression) maybe we can go a few rounds without the suit? It is this realistic emotional portrayal of a fictional character that really draws me to the series.

To me, this is Superman. A person gifted with power who tries his best to do good and fit in. A person who makes mistakes, and has his share of problems, but does his best to persevere in the face of adversity (and the occasional alien invasion). Plus the costume is cool.

What’s not to like?



Another Creative Spam Name

Anyone remember Brontosaurus B. Intemperance?

Well I think I got a spam from his brother…


Uncomplimentary H. Fuzziness


Wow. The believability of that name is hard to dispute.



Ire Education

A friend of mine sent me a news article that talked about how the word fail should be banned from British classrooms. It would be replaced with the phrase deferred success to ensure that students are not demoralized.

Indeed, even here in Canada it’s getting harder to give students accurate marks. Failed student statistics are usually made to reflect poorly on the teacher, and ultimately on the Principals.

Sugar-coating failure is just another step towards the softening of our society. Shielding children from negativity is just going to create a false sense of security which will lead to problems.

Unfortunately, it’s our government that implements the policies that lead to this idiocy. Most likely it is about keeping our country competitive in the global arena.

Our government doesn’t want Canadian kids to look stupid, as that would eventually reflect poorly on our country.

Much better to make them falsely look good so they can display all of their stupidity to the world later when they become politicians.



What’s Your Story?

I received a comment a while back from someone from MSN who indicated that I might be on What’s Your Story?.

Essentially it’s a front page to MSN Spaces that highlights a couple of blogs and also has a section highlighting other spaces (which changes on a weekly basis).

Unfortunately, due to the fact that I have profanity on my blog (mostly in the Hai-Kuul section) I didn’t make the cut. What’s Your Story? is a family-rated space, so profanity is a no-no.

If you are planning on making it onto there, I would suggest you change your swearing ways.

I also want to take this opportunity to thank MSN for considering me. It feels great to be recognized for creativity.