Barking Space

Dave and Jorge Strike Again!

Kris is taking off for vacation, and rather than leaving everyone high and dry, she proposed to have a best of 2005 compilation. She wanted examples of what people thought their own best blog entries were. All we had to do was submit links and a short sentence or two describing the story.

I was thinking about one of the pieces I was going to submit, I was trying to remember the catchy name for New York. I consulted my number one source of info…

Jorge: Hey Dave.
Dave: Hey.
J: I’m stuck. I’m trying to remember what New York is the City of.
D: Huh?
J: Is New York the City of Lights?
D: No, I think Paris is the City of Lights.
J: Dammit. Well, if Paris is the City of Lights and Chicago is The Windy City, then what is New York?
D: The City of…[A few seconds…]…Hobos?
J: Totally blogging that.

It turns out it was The Big Apple that I was trying to remember*…

J: Wicked. This is why you are the man.
D: Yeah?
J: Not only did I get the information I was looking for, I also got a new entry.
D: This is true.
J: It’s like the goose that lays the golden eggs.
D: Uh…
J: Except you lay…[A few seconds…]…Hobos…
D: Don’t blog that.
J: I got nothing.

I’m still laughing at that first bit of conversation, though.

Funny Story

You need to do yourself a favour and read this story. My friend Shatton wrote it when he was in grade eight.

It’s funny on its own, but with the modern footnotes it’s even funnier!

* – I have been informed by Kris that New York is The City that Never Sleeps. Dave and I are wankers for not knowing this. Especially Dave.

Filed under: Friends, Humour, Spaces Archive | 6 Comments »

Conversations – Shellie Speaks!

Not wanting to be outdone by her own fiancée, Shellie has come up with her own shtick*.

Shellie rocks like no other Bostonian. She is awesome. Her and Handsome B. Wonderful are getting married this week, so wish them well! They’re planning on having Geddy Lee as the minister, and the lead singer of Metallica will be giving Shellie away.

Okay.

I was kidding about that.

It’s actually going to be Don Cherry.

Click the picture to enlarge…

UPDATE (03/07/2007): Due to a server error, the image was deleted. You’ll just have to imagine how funny it was.

* – No offence was meant to any groups referred to in this post. Especially the Oompa Loompas. They’re creepy, and I hear they hold murderous grudges…

Filed under: Friends, Humour, Spaces Archive | 16 Comments »

Conversations – Not Just For Daves and Jorges Anymore

I submit to you a conversation from MSN Messenger held with one Handsome B. Wonderful (Shellie‘s man).

He’s a cool guy. He’s also quite hilarious. We get on well together, as you will see.

Click the picture to enlarge…

UPDATE (03/07/2007): Due to a server error, the image was deleted. You’ll just have to imagine how funny it was.

Filed under: Friends, Humour, Spaces Archive | 14 Comments »

Dave and Jorge Talk About the Gunslinger

My friend Adrian got us onto the Dark Tower series by Stephen King. We even started a little role-playing server based on the series.

So, when Dave sent me this link, I was pretty stoked.

A Dark Tower comic series? By Jae Lee? Sign me up!

Of course we discussed it…

[Jorge & Dave are on the phone with each other, each scrolling through the site, looking at the propect of a new Dark Tower Series.]
Jorge: This looks really cool.
Dave: Check out the art. It’s freaking sweet.
Jorge: I could get into this.
Dave: Did you check out the art?
Jorge: Well, it’s Jae Lee. His stuff is amazing.
Dave: Yeah.
Jorge: Man, that’s all I need. Another series to buy.
Dave: [Laughs.]
Jorge: Do you think it’ll be worth getting?
Dave: It does look pretty sweet.
Jorge: Will you be getting it?
Dave: I was just planning on reading yours.
Jorge: Bastard.
Dave: [Laughs.]
Jorge: Definitely blogging this.
Dave: Nice.
Jorge: Well, it’s cool because I have something to write about now.
Dave: Yeah?
Jorge: Yeah. You provide the inspiration, man. You are my sunshine.
Dave: Awww. That’s nice.
Jorge: You are my own personal leprachaun.
Dave: Er…Okay.
Jorge: You are one of the shoemaker’s faeries.
Dave: Don’t blog that.

It was only as I typed this that I remembered that it’s the Shoemaker’s Elves. I am such a sofa king*.


A Hero Lives Here.

Josephine was nice enough to make me my own superhero picture. So I figured the least I could do was appear on Oprah…

[Scene fades to Oprah, sitting on her chair. The theme music and applause slowly fade away.]
Oprah: My next guest is a recently created superhero. He’s a nice guy who rights wrongs, and saves kittens from trees. Please welcome Gunshield!
[Gunshield walks in, looking uncomfortable, puts down his shield and gun to awkardly hug Oprah, picks them up and then takes a seat.]
Oprah: Hi Gunshield, thanks for being on our show!
Gunshield: [Looking around, smiling broadly.] Hi Oprah! Thanks for having me on your show! It’s weird being here.
Oprah: Really?
Gunshield: Well, I don’t really feel like a celebrity.
Oprah: Why not? I mean, you are a hero. Heroes need to be admired and given air time to express their views.
Gunshield: I suppose so. A lot of people don’t like how I do things. I’m still pretty new, so it’s been tough.
Oprah: Nice gun by the way.
Gunshield: [Looking down and then turning red.] I knew this costume was too tight…
Oprah: [Taken aback.] Er…I was referring to your firearm.
Gunshield: [Putting shield on lap.] Oh! Uh…Geez. Sorry.
Oprah: [Looks nervously at camera crew.] That’s ok. So what kind of powers do you have?
Gunshield: Well, I do have the ability to fly. I’m invulnerable to harm. I can run very fast and have unbelievable strength. I also can shoot beams from my eyes.
Oprah: Really?
Gunshield: Yeah. The beams thing is something I don’t use, though. I get too many splinters under my eyelids.
Oprah: Oookay….So…why do you have a gun and shield?
Gunshield: Because they’re cool! I use the shield as my own extra large plate when going to the buffet lines in restaurants. You wouldn’t believe how much soup I can get in this thing. Besides, Flying-Invulnerable-Fast-Strong-Beameyes-Man sounds stupid.
Oprah: So, earlier you referred to your methods being questionable. What did you mean by that?
Gunshield: There was a cat in a tree. And it would not come down. And I didn’t really want to touch the cat, because the owner said it had fleas. So I put my shield down on the ground under the branch where the cat was sitting, and took aim…
Oprah: You shot at the cat?
Gunshield: Well, I tried to shoot the branch, so it would fall and I could catch the cat in the shield. But I am kinda new at it…
Oprah: What happened?
Gunshield: I hit the cat. [Audience gasps.] Kidding!
Oprah: That’s a relief.
Gunshield: I actually hit a bird. It was pretty bad there were feathers ev-MMPH!
Oprah: [Putting her hand on Gunshield’s mouth.] Well, that’s all the time we have for today…

Poor, poor Gunshield…


Meeting Kris!

Today I get to meet Kris.

If I don’t report back by Monday, please call the authorities.

I wore my titanium cup today, in case she really is a cyborg that hates men.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, read this.

* – This refers to the wonderful little prank you play on people, where you get them to read these words: I AM WE TODD DID. I AM SOFA KING WE TODD DID.

Filed under: Friends, Humour, Spaces Archive | 10 Comments »