Pictoral Representation
Last time, I told the story of my dumb idea.
After Dave left that weekend I sketched my dumb idea in my sketchbook.
I found it over the weekend, and scanned it for your viewing pleasure…
Click to enlarge…
Filed under: Anecdotes, Friends | 19 Comments »
One of Jorge’s Dumb Ideas
When I first started attending the University of Waterloo, I would commute from Acton every day. Classes started at 08:30 every morning, and two nights a week they ended at 22:00.
Needless to say it was tough to socialize and even tougher to do well due to the [at least] forty-five minute commute in ideal conditions.
I moved to Waterloo soon after.
Another One of Jorge’s Dumb Ideas
When I lived in Waterloo, Dave would visit every so often.
He’d drive up (as he was the one with the car) and we’d either go out for dinner or I would make something. I had a spare mattress that he could sleep on.
It was great because Dave was like a piece of home. I had made a number of friends in Waterloo, but Dave will always be one of my best friends. It’s always easier to laugh when he is around.
Dave usually visited on the weekends, which meant that we would go to the arcade at Waterloo Town Square.
It wasn’t a big arcade, but it had enough games to satisfy the craving for video game violence.
One of the games we used to play was an Advanced Dungeons & Dragons game. The actual name of the game escapes me at the moment, but it was a side-scrolling hack-‘n-slash type of game.
The great thing about it was that your characters could gain experience, become more powerful and find new weapons, making it more dynamic than your average bashing game. Another feature was the decision tree. You’d have to decide on which path you would take to get to your eventual goal, which could effect the outcome of the game.
The greatest thing about the game, though, was that it only cost a quarter to play three lives.
One day we were playing the game and we made it farther than ever before.
When Dave and I would play this, we would take turns making the decisions…
WISE OLD MAN: Would you like to take the swamp path, or the forest path?
DAVE: Let’s take the swamp path.
JORGE: Sounds good.
DAVE: [Selects Swamp Path.]
And so we would take the swamp path, which had harder creatures to fight than the forest path, but greater treasures and weapons to find.
Back and forth the decisions went. We were on fire. Our characters were becoming more and more powerful with every decision we made. There were actually a couple of people watching (we call them nerds).
By the time we had we reached a major outpost at the bottom of a mountain and it was my turn to make the decision…
MONK: You have come far. Your goal is the castle beyond the mountain. However, there are two choices.
JORGE: Go figure.
DAVE: Yeah. Surprise, surprise.
M: There is the mountain pass. It winds around the mountain and may take several days. It is treacherous at the best of times, yet is much preferable to the alternative.
J: The pass sounds pretty bad.
M: The alternative of which I speak is a cave that goes through the mountain. Contained within is a peril so great that no one has ever returned. The beast within the mountain is an ancient dragon. Will you take the caves or the mountain path?
D: Yikes.
J: We fought a black dragon back a ways. He was tough but we killed it.
D: True.
J: Let’s do it. [Selects Cave.]
M: Are you sure? This path is very dangerous.
J: Weird.
D: It’s never done that before.
J: Dragon! [Selects Cave.]
M: THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING! TO TAKE THE CAVE PATH AND FIGHT THE DRAGON WILL LEAD TO CERTAIN DOOM. DO YOU WISH TO DO THIS?
D: Wow. Maybe we should take the mountain path?
J: Let’s go fight the dragon! [Selects Cave.]
M: You have been warned…
By this point there are a few more people watching.
Dave‘s character (a dwarf warrior) and mine (a human warrior) wander into a cave. We walk along for a while, and fight off some lame creatures. We eventually find ourselves standing on what appears to be a cliff. We could no longer see the back wall. All we could see was the ledge we were standing on.
When suddenly…
The gigantic head of an ancient dragon rose from behind us, the darkness itself recoiling…
The black dragon we fought earlier was probably about ten feet tall in the scale of the game. This particular dragon that we now faced was probably a good fifty or sixty feet tall.
We helpessly stood by as it roasted us alive.
Dave backed away from the cursed game, but I relentlessly kept pumping quarters, refusing to believe that a true dead end could exist in an arcade game. I finally gave up after four tries.
The two words that every gamer fears flashed across the screen…
GAME OVER
JORGE: That’s it?!??!!
DAVE: Jesus.
JORGE: Who would have known that they’d build an actual dead end in the game?
DAVE: [Loudly, mocking my decision.] LET’S GO FIGHT THE DRAGON! DUH!
[Everyone laughs.]
And this is why we would never be a couple…
Ever…
Filed under: Anecdotes, Friends | 18 Comments »
Me Am Goodest At English
Sometimes I’ll come up with the stupidest analogies. What makes matters worse is that Dave and I think they’re quite funny. It also doesn’t help that one stupid analogy usually leads to another.
Yes, this is a bad thing.
Observe human de-evolution in action…
[Flashback to the past. Most likely mid 90’s. The scene opens with Dave and Jorge driving around Georgetown*, most likely to Subway for a tasty treat. They are discussing a celebrity who is very rich.]
Dave: Man that guy is so rich.
Jorge: Yes. He is. He’s so rich…
Dave: That he’s got money to burn.
Jorge: He’s so rich…
Dave: That he uses hundred dollar bills to wipe his ass.
Jorge: Nice.
Dave: He’s so rich…
Jorge: [Fumbling.] That he’s rich beyond all recognition…
Dave: What the hell does that mean?
Jorge: I don’t know, but it’s seems to work.
Dave: [Mocking Jorge.] Hey, check out that guy! A second ago, before he got all that money, I knew who he was! Now? I have no clue! In fact, I don’t recognize him at all!
Jorge: Shit.
Dave: I guess the opposite would be poor beyond all anonymity.
Jorge: Yikes. Man, I didn’t know who that guy was, until he went bankrupt and lost everything!
Dave: [Laughing.]
Jorge: I’d hate to be that guy.
Nobel Prize to Jorge and Dave? No.
Knob-el Prize? Perhaps.
You can obseve some other bad analogies on a friend’s page. His name is Dave as well.
The Other Dave
I am surrounded by Daves, and they are all awesome. I plan to have an army of Daves to do my bidding one day. When I shout DAVE! from atop my throne, all Daves will look to me for instruction.
This particular Dave is also a great guy. We spent the last years of University hanging out, developing weird games involving rubber dart guns and Kinder Egg toys. Perhaps one day I’ll regale you with tales of our misdeeds and silliness.
Or not.
We shall see.
Here is his page. It might be out of date, but it still has some cool links on it, as well as cool information.
* – This in and of itself is bad**.
** – Not as bad as driving around Acton***!
*** – Point taken.
Filed under: Friends, Humour, Spaces Archive | 14 Comments »
Bloggy Goodness
I’ve been reading this gal‘s blog for some time. Her blog is called Kill the Goat. You should do yourself a favour and read it. I came across a link to her blog in the comments on Dave‘s. This is what greeted me, and I’ve been hooked ever since.
Jay writes for herself. She’s made this perfectly clear. And she really doesn’t give a damn what you think of her writing, as it is all a journey of self (which is as it should be). However, I doubt that there are many that could resist the addictive quality of reading her work.
Go give it a shot!
Incidentally, after I read her blog for the first time, I was tempted to rename mine to Jamie Lite* as a sign of admiration!
Interesting
Do you rememeber that article I wrote about happiness? Check this out.
More Funny Spam Names
Some more names that I found in my inbox of people that might actually exist**…
Barely K. Incorporates
Infiltration C. Naturalness
A Non-Dave Dialog
Yes, there are some days where I don’t have witty, sparkling conversation with just Dave. There are others, too!
At our dojo, there is a weekly ritual. On Thursday nights, after the 8:45 PM class, we all go out to the local pub. It’s a great way to get to know the people you train with in another setting.
One of the guys (Christian, who recently requested some hilarious haiku topics) was half in the bag one night.
This is what transpired…
Christian: [Nudging Jorge in the arm.] Dude, check out that chick over there!
Jorge: [Lazily looking around, trying to follow Christian’s shaky pointing job.] Where?
Christian: That one. She is so HOT!
Jorge: [Looks over to where he is pointing and sees his own wife Mrs. J, who happens to be looking away from them.] Christian, that’s my wife.
Christian: [Pauses.] Dude, you are SO lucky.
That is one of the best compliments, I think. I’m not sure what Mrs. Hai-Kuul thinks of it though…
Vote!
I’m not asking for votes for Best of Spaces or The Ultimate Blog or even Best Hair in Canada.
No, I’m just looking for you folks to help me decide what my ten best entries are. You can get there by clicking here, or going to the sidebar box entitled Best of Barking Space.
Remember, you have to click the e-mail link to vote. Comments don’t count.
* – Calling it Jamie Free would have sucked. Who wants to live in a world without Jamie? Not I. No. Not I.
** – Not really
Filed under: Friends, General Dialogue, Spaces Archive | 9 Comments »
Now we will continue (and conclude) the story of the camping weekend that I started previously. There is a point form (and in my opinion much funnier version) at Dave’s blog. Go check it out.
Here we go…
The Eagles Have Landed
Tien and Natalie arrived shortly after and gave Mrs. J and I our steaks. They set up their tent, and then we all proceeded to just hang out.
Camping is funny. Normally I don’t really like just sitting around. I’m usually engaged in some activity or another. However, with camping, I don’t mind just sitting there. Mind you, it’s much more fun to sit there when under the influence…
The liberal mixing of alcohol and Crystal Lite began shortly after the hanging out period. As Dave mentions in his blog, you can never bring too much alcohol. Be that as it may, it is a heavy commodity, and bringing too much can result in a lot of residual back pain.
We usually mix about 250 mL of alky with 750 ml of juice. This ends up being refreshing and dangerous. That’s when the fun happens.
Something Fishy This Way Comes
Brad and I decided to go out fishing before dinner. We ended up paddling around a lot and we got quite a number of nibbles but nothing too promising.
It reminded me of our trip back in May, except in May we caught fish every ten seconds…
Brad is an amazing guy. He can paddle for an almost infinite amount of time and he knows so much about everything in nature it’s quite sickening.
This is due to the fact that he was raised by wolves and porcupines. He also has gills (as well as gloves for hands).
We had a good time paddling around, and I almost caught a fairly sizeable Lake Trout. I had him in front of Brad’s net when he spat the hook and swam away.
On our way back to the campsite, we trawled a bit. A surprise was in store for us as we passed over a shallow part of the lake…
Brad: You might want to pull your line up, dude. Seems to be shallower here.
Jorge: I see what you mean.
Brad: Yeah. I’m definitely going to reel in before my hook gets caught on the vegetation. [Reels in and continues paddling.]
Jorge: [Feeling a tug, attempting to read the line.] Hmmm. Looks like I’ve got a weed..
[Stares down in the water to see what is on his hook and sees a Lake Trout.]
Jorge: Or maybe a fish!
Brad: Holy! Nice! Get him back here.
[Jorge swings it over to Brad who nets the thing. After subduing it, we were satisfied with the knowledge that we were not going back empty-handed.]
Night Falls
When we got back to the campsite, quite a number of our friends were quite hammered. It was pretty entertaining. It didn’t take long for me to grab my own ride to spinsville.
Mrs. J delegated the task of making mashed potatoes (from a dry mix) to me. In my slightly inebriated state, I made a soupy mess of it. It was only by combining other people’s potato mix into my own that I managed to at least have something that would stay on my spoon.
After washing and drying the dishes, we enjoyed a nice campfire (started by Lorraine the pyro), hung out and told jokes.
Every year Dave and I seem to come up with something of a motif for the weekend. There is usually a song, a joke, and some quotes from television shows that we like.
Last year, the theme song was the Venga Bus song (which you might recognize from the Six Flags commercial with that crazy old man who dances like a freak). This year, the theme song seemed to be Hey Ya. Rubber Johnny’s noises and several other obscure quotes from Rejected were also used quite frequently.
We ended up going to bed relatively early that night. Dave, Brad and I shacked up in the Taj Mahal of tents (Dave’s Wenger Tent), and we all slept relatively well.
Where is the Morning?
The morning arrived, and I was up and out the tent door by about 05:45. There was an extremely dense fog sitting on the water. It came right up to the rocky point and formed a big, white wall. One could barely see through this thick pea soup.
It was pretty cool. I snapped some photographs, and then kept Brad company after he woke up.
Everyone woke up eventually, and we all had our separate breakfasts.
Brad had to leave before noon as he had some business to attend to elsewhere, but he promised to return…
Brad: I’ll see you guys tomorrow? Probably in the afternoon.
Jorge: You bringing back alky?
Brad: Yup. Anyone else want anything?
Nat: Oh! Freezies!
Brad: Okay…
Nat: And a bucket of chicken…
You can tell that we have a real sense of roughing it when we camp.
The Stock Market Ploy
I figured I would go bathe with the biodegradable camp soap. Dave needed to bathe as well, so we headed off into the lake together as there is safety in numbers. You can never be too careful with leeches about.
The water was cool, but refreshing. We swam around for a bit and then set our feet down in water that came up to our stomachs. We passed the bottle of soap back and forth, washing hair, arms, etc.
The two of us were the only ones on the lake, as everyone else was back up the hill at the main campsite.
And so the awkward portion of washing sensitive bits had arrived. We looked around and wordlessly turned away from each other, getting ready to clean the nether regions…
Jorge: Ah yes. The washing of privates.
Dave: Yeah.
Jorge: Good thing there is no one around, otherwise we’d have to come up with some kind of ploy to make them stop paying attention to us.
[As if on cue, everyone comes down to the rocky point to hang out.]
Jorge: Shit.
Dave: [Laughs nervously] Nice.
Jorge: We need a distraction.
Dave: [Turns to face the crowd while obviously washing sensitive parts underwater] My, the stock market is quite active today! All my stocks are up!
Jorge: [Also cleaning the naughty parts.] My Exxon shares? In the pooper! Not doing so well!
[Jorge & Dave laugh hysterically, garnering more attention with the ploy than if they had said nothing at all…]
The Totem
Mrs. J and Isha each had a copy of the latest Harry Potter book (Mrs. J was borrowing Brad’s) and were reading down on the shore. Dennis and Lorraine had gone fishing. Nat was reading as well, and Tien was napping (Tien is either being super-athletic, eating meat, or napping).
And Dave?
Well, he was trying his hand at carving.
He took a cut log and started picking at it with his knife. Then he started using a hatchet (at my insistence) to carve out larger chunks. Finally, he used to hatchet to hammer his knife like a chisel.
He eventually carved what he called The Totem and he kept making strange laughing noises as he held it up for us to see…
Lorraine’s double-ended Dreidel of Doom was much more aesthetically pleasing, and deadly.
The Knife Game and the Sing-a-Long
Later on in the afternoon I was puttering around the campsite in the afternoon when I came across Dave and Tien throwing their buck knives at the ground.
Dave had drawn a circle in the dirt with his foot, and they were attempting to stick the knives as close to the middle as possible. They were only standing 6 feet away (at most) from the target.
They looked ridiculous.
So obviously I had to join them.
We later graduated to throwing knives at a stump. It didn’t really go all that well and resulted in us doing damage to our knives.
Isha needed to use the thunderbox which was located just up the hill from our knife throwing range…
Isha: Hey guys. I need to use the thunder box.
Jorge: Okay…
Isha: Well, would you mind kinda leaving for a bit?
Jorge: No problem. We’ll leave you in peace. Or would you rather have music? We could sing for you from afar if you want…
Isha: [Laughing.] Whatever. Sure. I have to go though.
[Isha runs up the hill as we walk in the other direction. Dave clears his throat…]
Dave: [Singing lead part of barbershop quartet.] In Moonlight Bay…
Jorge: [Smiling] Barbershop?
Dave: Sure.
Jorge: Give ‘er.
[They begin to sing barbershop style. Dave singing one part, and Jorge echoing another. I can’t really do it justice here, but I’ll type out the first song so you get an idea of the lyrics…]
Dave: In Moonlight Bay…
Jorge: Isha went up the hill…
Dave: We were sailing along…
Jorge: To the thunder box…
[Isha is heard laughing from atop the hill…]
It became another annoying theme. We sang a bunch of stuff that way. One of us would sing the first line, and then the other would have to fill in the echoing lines with lyrics that reflected the lead lines. It became a game of sorts…
And everyone had another reason to hate us…
The rest of the day was spent playing cards and accompanying Dennis on a downward spiral to getting loaded. Lorraine just shook her head (and rolled her eyes*) as Dennis kept dropping B-Bombs everywhere all gansta style. After an evening of singing, weirdness, and just hanging around, we all hit the sack.
Departure and Arrival
Dennis and Lorraine had to leave early because Dennis had work that he needed to finish. We bid them a fond farewell.
After I gave Nat a quick lesson in sterning, her, Isha and Tien decided to paddle out to another portage along the lake and go for a short hike.
The weather was slowly becoming windier.
Brad eventually made it back, and he was exhausted due to the fact that he was paddling against the wind for most of his journey (solo, I might add). Amazingly, he brought enough freezies for everyone, andthey were still relatively frozen!
Eventually, everyone had come back and we had a relatively quiet day. Dave and I were still cracking wise, though…
Brad: Man, where do you guys get the energy?
Mrs. J: [Shakes head] *sigh*
Isha: It’s like they never run out.
Brad: It’s like the Dave and Jorge show. All the time. And the commercials are Dave and Jorge.
[Everyone laughs.]
Brad: We interrupt this regularly scheduled Dave and Jorge program to bring you some late-breaking Dave and Jorge!
The End of Days
During the evening, we burned Dave’s totem, most likely invoking the wrath of the gods of the forest.
Early on Monday morning, the distant rumble of thunder could be heard. I happened to be in a state of wakefulness due to the pressure change in the air. I was also feeling gassy, and took advantage of everyone’s slumber to relieve some of the pressure.
Little did I know that Tien was actually awake, giggling to himself at the noises I was making.
After about the second expulsion, I fell asleep briefly, only to be awakened by the loudest roar of thunder I have ever heard, and a bright flash at the same time.
Everyone was awake (I wonder if Tien thought it was more of my gas?), and all went silent until…
Brad: Somebody hold me.
We all had a good laugh. The rain came, and went. Packing up was pretty uneventful in the morning. The return paddle passed with no incident as well.
We all went to the Portage Store for our traditional after-trip burgers and beer.
After we finished, we all said goodbye and went our separate ways.
As always it was a good trip. Every year it seems to get better. I wonder where we will be next year?
I’ve obviously omitted** a lot, but I doubt that you’d want to hear all of it. 🙂
* – Funny enough, our wives are exceptionally good eye rollers. I suspect that we husbands do so many dumb things that their eye-muscle strength would be such that they could lift pianos just with a flick of their occular orbs.
** – One thing that I wish I could take away are the bug bites. Usually I complain a lot about them during the trip. This year, I tried to ignore them. Nothing works to dissuade these little bitey bastards from exacting revenge for God-knows-what on my skin. I successfully ignored them for the most part, but man, am I paying for it now…
Filed under: Announcements, Friends, Spaces Archive, Top 10 | 20 Comments »
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