Staggy Profiles are La Belle Walkabout. La Obsessions are Big in Treetops and Wind Down (Debutchery Day 2)

Tien’s Stag or The Weekend of Debutchery in Montréal (Day 2)

Day 1 was interesting (Make sure you read about it here before you continue).

We set the tone by eating far too much, in too small of a time frame and got to bed in the wee hours of Saturday morning after a marathon walk.

When we awoke, Tien chatted with Steve and we agreed to meet at HMV before heading out for a healthy breakfast.

On our way there, I called Dave to see how he was doing. We had text messaged each other a couple of times, and even though I knew he was having a weekend of vegging out, I thought I would ask if he wanted to come out with us for dinner.

Surprisingly he agreed. He said he would call later on in the day to square things up.

Character Profile

Name: Steve
Height: Not so Short
Eating Prowess: Steve’s claim to fame is not volume, but his willingness to try anything new at least once.
Trip Highlight: Getting two free snowboards.

La Belle Province

After meeting up with Steve at HMV, we headed over to La Belle Province (or LBP for the hipper crowd).

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It’s a simple little very greasy spoon downtown. Our healthy meal was actually anything but.

We stood in line, where Tien and I had this brief conversation…

Tien: What are you having?
Jorge: I’m not sure. I might just have poutine.
T: That’s it?
J: Yeah, why, what are you getting?
T: The burger and poutine combo.
J: Well, I guess the poutine containers are not that big…

Why do I always have to open my big mouth?

The burger that I received was pretty much the same size as the one depicted on the menu picture. The poutine was three times larger.

I was going to cry.

I ate most of it anyway. I could feel my stomach expanding.

Character Profile

Name: Dan
Profession: Dentist and Street Climbing Free Runner
Eating Prowess: Dan can eat a lot very quickly. He once ate 4-5 pieces of KFC in 2 minutes.
Trip Highlight: White tuna. Stepping in cat poop and never realizing it.


After LBP we went shopping.

I needed new cologne (my current bottle had a teaspoon left, and that teaspoon could have easily given everyone in Ontario headaches if I sprayed it on myself) and Dan was looking for one of those video game controllers that plug into your television so you can play video game classics like Pac Man or Donkey Kong. He was looking for the original vector-graphics Star Wars.

We covered quite a bit of ground (nowhere near as much as the night before).

I ended up getting my cologne from Tommy Hilfiger. Dan never found his video game controller for a reasonable price, unfortunately.

We ended up in an underground mall for a pit stop. In the bathroom they had a hand dryer that was so powerful that it deformed your skin from the pressure.

Everyone that needed to go, went.

While Dan was in the bathroom, we all chatted…

Steve: I bet you when Dan comes out of the bathroom he’s going to say he’s hungry.
Tien: [Laughs.]
Jorge: Really?
Steve: I’d bet on it.
[A few minutes pass by, and Dan walks into view.]
Dan: I think I might need to grab something from the food court before we go on.
[Everyone laughs.]
Steve: Told ya.

Character Profile
Name: Lisa
Profession: Keeper of Steve
Eating Prowess: Not so much about sushi. More about chicken.
Trip Highlight: Casino

La Crémière

We stopped at La Crémière for some interesting treats…

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Dan introduced us (me, at least) to soft ice cream on top of a flavoured slush drink.

I ended up getting a blue raspberry slush drink with vanilla soft ice cream on the top, just like Dan.

Everyone else had a different flavour.

It was very interesting. They tasted like Creamsicles.

If you get the chance to try it, I highly recommend this dessert.

Character Profile

Name: Jorge
Profession: The Barking Space Guy, Photographer
Eating Prowess: Eats far too many carbs for his own good.
Trip Highlight: Held his own at Kanda against the experts.


After our dessert break, we wandered up St. Laurent for some more window Shopping. Dave was due to arrive in a few hours, so we had some time to kill.

I bought Dave a rice-picker hat (as he loves Raiden from Mortal Kombat so much) at a small shop. I figured it would be a great gag-gift for his birthday.

We headed up the street to Obsession (A Skate/Snowboard shop)…

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Tien was thinking about getting a new snowboard, as was Dan, so they spent some time browsing. There was a two-for-one sale on so they could get a pretty sweet deal on some nice equipment.

After a relatively short time frame, Tien and Dan were the proud new owners of some nice Option snowboards just in time for…fall…

Since Dave wasn’t due for another forty-five minutes, we decided to go back to Steve & Lisa’s room at the Delta.

Lisa was on her own for the day, having some me time, so the room was empty when we got there. Tien and Dan left the snowboards with Steve, as the Options would not fit in Dan’s Lexus.

Tien figured that this was his only reckless act for the whole trip. Apparently creating major gastric distress is not reckless enough to rate.

Character Profile

Name: Dave
Profession: Touches You Last
Eating Prowess: Has eaten some of the most disgusting looking things ever. Once ate Beef Stroganoff that looked like vomit.
Trip Highlight: Ordered a Schwartz’s Combo. Lived to tell the tale.

I See Your Schwartz is as Big as Mine

The walk from the Hotel to Schwartz’s was pretty quick. Schwartz’s a simple little very greasy spoon downtown with a great reputation.

Dave walked up a few minutes after we got into the queue to be served (Schwartz’s is very popular, and usually has a lineup outside)…

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It wasn’t too long before we were ushered inside.

Schwartz’s is like a big kitchen packed with tables and the smell of smoked meat. They serve amazing food and people from all over the world make sure to visit when they are in town.

It’s an institution.

Most of our group had been there before and knew what they wanted before we even sat down.

Dave and I mulled over the menu…

Jorge: Tien, what are you having?
Tien: Number Six. Schwartz’s Combo.
Jorge: What about you, mano?
Dave: I don’t know. I’m hungry, but I’m not sure if- What the hell. I’ll have number six.
Jorge: I’m not sure if I want that combo. I mean, a nice smoked meat sandwich could hit the spot.
Dave: Well, that’s ok. You can eat what you want. You don’t have to get the number six [Looking down and smirking.].
Jorge: Bastard.

When the waiter came around, I ended up ordering a Schwartz’s Combo (which consists of a steak, a pile of smoked meat, cole slaw, a pickle, a plate of fries, two pieces of hot dog and a soft drink).

A normal person would have learned their lesson after the triple-sized poutine from the morning. But no! Not me!

The food and soft drinks arrived. A good number of us didn’t want to dirty the glasses we were given and drank straight from the can. We all passed our glasses to Dave (who was on the end of the table next to the only aisle in the restaurant) and he piled them up close to the edge of the table…

Dave: There.
Jorge: That’s awfully close to the edge.
Tien: Be careful, Dave.
Dave: I could totally see me doing something like this: [Pretends to knock glasses off the table and soundly smacks a waiter.]
Waiter: [Startled. Smiles in amusement upon recovery]
Dave: [Looking embarassed.] I’m so sorry!
Waiter: [Still smiling.] You must be one of those ninja turtles.
[Everyone laughs, even though that made no sense.]

That was hilarious. What was even funnier was later on, when Dave hit the exact same waiter (almost bagged him, actually) while goofing around again.

Before we left, we ordered a 5 lb brisket to bring home.

Rockaberry In the Treetop

We tried our luck at Rockaberry again…

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This time we found seats and there were desserts left over.

I had one of the tastiest cheesecakes I’ve ever had in my life. Everyone seemed to enjoy their dessert.

We had a great time laughing and talking about the cool dance stylings of Napoleon Dynamite.

Winding Down

Dave went back to Ottawa and Steve went back to his hotel.

The rest of us rented Napoleon Dynamite (as Tien had not seen it) and watched it back at Sanny’s place, laughing at the awesome dance at the end.

We ended up going to bed earlier than the night before as Dan and I were aiming to leave at 06:00 on the Sunday Morning.

It was a great weekend. I’m really glad I went. It was good to get to know some of the folks there better. It was also nice to visit Montreal and eat some amazing food.

I don’t know if I am as driven as Tien to experience it as often as I can, but I wouldn’t say no if the opportunity was handy.

Thanks for the invite, Tien!

Stag Reasons Have Many Kanda Marathon Profiles. More to Come (Debutchery Day 1)

Tien’s Stag or The Weekend of Debutchery in Montréal (Day 1)

This past weekend saw me, your faithful Barking Space creator travelling to Montréal for a stag.

It was not a typical stag though…

  • There was no significant consumption of alcohol
  • There were no visits to strip clubs
  • There was no clubbing and endless flirting with members of the opposite sex as a last hurrah

I’m sure a lot of people would find this odd.

Tien doesn’t drink for reasons of his own (I think he’s only had a glass of wine in his whole life), so we didn’t really imbibe. In fact, I never ordered anything alcoholic all weekend to support my friend’s stag style. What about strip clubs? I know that I, for one, don’t particularly care for strip clubs. They tend to cut into my drinking money. As for the clubbing aspect, none of us are really into the meat market thing. I know a lot of guys drag the groom-to-be to a strip club or dance club under the guise of having a celebration of the last night of freedom. They push the groom to do stuff that he should be doing to celebrate his last chance at going out like: getting blitzed, scoring with women and making an ass of himself. I find that the friends of the groom are the ones who usually use these events as an excuse to misbehave themselves. That is their right, I suppose. Later, when they get home, it’s their wives’ right (usually a jab) followed by a left cross to the face. Spectacular.

No, Tien’s stag was none of this.

Tien wanted to go to Montréal to eat.

That’s right.

The only deadly sin we committed this weekend was the sin of gluttony.

The Reason?

Tien used to attend McGill University in Montréal when he was younger. Montréal is a city that he remembers fondly and he returns to this wonderful place any chance he gets.

Tien also loves food.

Montréal has a lot of wonderful food. So it seemed the perfect way to celebrate was to travel to his favourite city, to eat his favourite foods, with his favourite friends (most of us are his groomsmen).

I have to admit that I was a little skeptical at the beginning. I don’t normally drive distances in excess of 500 km just to eat food.

But it turned out to be a great idea.

So Many Choices, So Little Time

The weekend started off with Tien, Dan and I driving to Montréal. Other than a quick stop at McDonalds and a quick fill-up of gas along the way, the drive was uneventful. We arrived in Montréal in the evening and met up with Sanny (Tien’s sister) to dump our stuff at her place (where we were staying for the weekend).

It wasn’t long before we were headed out to our first eating location…


Kanda is a sushi restaurant around the corner from Sanny’s place.

They have an all-you-can-eat sushi special. $27.99 for as much sushi as you can cram into your stomach…

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We walked in and joined Steve (another one of the groomsmen) and his wife Lisa at the table Sanny had reserved for us.

I hadn’t met Steve (or Lisa) before. They’re both really nice people.

Lisa wasn’t really into sushi, so she didn’t partake in the buffet. In truth, I caught her staring at us wide-eyed later on, most likely in disbelief.

I don’t blame her.

We probably had at least a hundred pieces of sushi and sashimi hit the table within fifteen minutes of sitting down.

I know I personally had over fifty pieces the whole evening (I was a little behind due to the fact that I ate a big lunch). Dan ate most of the white tuna sashimi in about two minutes.

It was a great way to start of the weekend, especially when Dan turned to Sanny (while she was eating a handroll, no less) and asked this question…

Do you have enough toilet paper at home?

We were joined by guy named Mike later on (DJ Static to the locals), who could also put the food away. You’d never know by looking at him that he could probably eat a whole buffalo given a fork and a few drops of HP Sauce.

This meal experience was great. The Sushi at this place was delicious, and the service wasn’t too bad either.

Character Profile

Name: Tien
Height: Short
Eating Prowess: Once I watched Tien eat a 32 Oz steak, with all the trimmings as well as dessert. There were four of us at the table. He ate as much meat as the rest of us combined. Tien also never gains weight.
Trip Highlight: Eating everything in front of him without pause.

The Bagel Marathon

After Kanda, Sanny was in the mood for dessert. Unfortunately, Mike hosts a radio show, so he had to leave us. We walked him to his street, and then continued on to our destination. Sanny figured Rockaberry would be a great place to get dessert, so we made our way to there. After that we would head over to Fairmont to pick up bagels.

When we got to Rockaberry, it was crowded, and there were not a lot of desserts left.

We figured we’d cut our losses and head over to Fairmount.

Fairmount Bagel is a wonderful place. A magical wonderland where the best bagels in the world are made…

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It’s a modest building that you would think contains elves that do nothing but make bagels all day, every day.

In actuality, it’s a bunch of hairy guys who laugh a lot (And a girl, actually, who was not as hairy). The place is actually open every day, every hour, all year round.

We picked up some bagels, and Tien insisted that we eat them, as they were fresh out of the oven.

It does taste good, but I believe that freezing them, microwaving them for twenty seconds and then throwing in the toaster oven for a minute will yield the same experience.

Character Profile

Name: Sanny
Size: Petite
Eating Prowess: Sanny can eat as much as Tien and not gain a pound. We suspect that she has a dimensional rift in her stomach that leads to some poor girl on the other side of the planet, who eats nothing, but constantly gains weight.
Trip Highlight: Goading everyone into eating more and then eating more than them.

The Long and Winding Road

After Fairmount, we headed back to Sanny’s place. It was past midnight by now.

Dan looked extremely uncomfortable the whole time. The fact that he ate so much sushi so fast probably had a lot to do with it.

We walked a lot that night. All over town, it seemed.

We eventually ended up back at Sanny’s place (Steve and Lisa went back to their hotel), and ended up falling into a stuffed slumber.

Character Profile

Name: Mike (aka DJ Static)
Size: Skinny as a toothpick
Eating Prowess: Mike will eat poutine anytime, anywhere.
Trip Highlight: Arriving late for dinner and then catching up to us by the end.

More to Come

Click here for the rest.