Funny Story…

Not all of the content on here will be intellectual, thought provoking, or even inspirational.

Case in point: I originally posted this story as a comment to one of CHEEZEMO’s entries. It’s too funny not to share:

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Once some friends and I were watching a movie. I cracked a knuckle, and my buddy sitting next to me did the same thing. We started cracking knuckles one at a time.

Fingers. Wrists. Shoulders. Ankles.

It was a game of Touch You Last, but with cracking limbs.

So, I had done the most recent crack (my last, actually, nothing left to ruin), and he says, “I can crack my tailbone. “

The room goes quiet, anticipating his tailbone crack, and he lets one rip. A nice, palpable gas expulsion. He honestly was only trying to crack his tailbone. That’s what made it so funny.

Farting now can be referred to as “Cracking the Tailbone”.

This is how legends begin…

A Fantino Fan?

I was reading a rant from my friend Reay about how it is a waste of time for the people to voice their opinion about what to look for in a new Police Chief.


While I can see Reay’s point about silly surface qualities, I think it is important for people to voice their opinion. After all, a Chief of Police is in charge of a body of workers who are supposed to look after the people.


I think a Chief of Police should be imbued with trace amounts of charisma (ok, perhaps more than a trace amount) and speaking skill. Someone who could think on their feet in a stressful press conference, presenting the facts in such a way as to control any panic, or to foster hope.


Maybe I’m just an idealist, but I think it’s important to have leadership ability as well as experience.

Positively Negative

I have a friend who is one of the most positive people I know. This also gives him some of the most negative moods out of anyone I have seen.


I was thinking about this last night as I was chopping up Orcs in Battle For Middle Earth (One of the Best RTS out there, as far as I’m concerned). I do my best thinking when chopping up Orcs, you see. And it came to me why my friend is unhappy.


It might be helpful to include a small portion of backstory:


We met through a mutual friend, and sort of chatted online and played Jedi Academy together. We did this for months! Over the course of these months, we would chat frequently on MSN and e-mail. We share a quirky sense of humour, and a fascination with some of the same topics, so it was easy to become great friends. When he went away over the Christmas break, I wrote a blog in his blog! Yes. I don’t just do that for the average person!


You see, my friend is a very generous guy. He would bend over backwards for those who are close to him, and I am fairly certain that he would do a lot for people he doesn’t even know. He’s got a bit of a freaky side. But then, that’s why we get along so well. His huge heart (I know it’s huge, just ask our friend Kano) makes up for any flaws that people may find (Those Jerks!). He’s an awesome human being.


And this is why he gets down. His standard for himself is so high, that when the world fails to rise to that standard, he feels disappointed. I can sympathize with this. It’s very disappointing when you try to live your life as a good person, and there are so many jackasses around who get away with murder, and seem to take the prize at the end of the day. Things like this make it easy for small, seemingly insignificant incidents to wear away at our patience. It makes it easy to focus on the negative things in life, even though we are still trying to do the positive thing.


This year, I have been trying to focus more on the positive. It’s a bit of a challenge, admittedly, but I think it’s something that I can do. I’ve been very lucky with my life. I have an amazing wife, great friends and family, cute cats, and my health. There is more to life than bitterness and despair. We all need to remember that. Especially my friend, who is a wonderful addition to my circle!

You’ve Got Mail, Man!

I was standing in line in Tim Horton’s this morning when I overheard some ladies talking about the abundance of snow. One of them complained about the fact that their neighbourhood postal worker wrote them a letter informing them that mail delivery would be put on hold until they cleared their walk. The complainer then went on to say how unfair this was, as the walk wasn’t very long from the sidewalk to her front stoop, and that the postal worker was unreasonable.



ATTENTION! THIS IS THE IDIOT POLICE! PLEASE FACE THE NEAREST WALL AND GIVE YOUR FOREHEAD A GOOD SMACK! USE A BRICK WALL IF POSSIBLE AS IT KNOCKS MORE SENSE INTO YOU!

Wow. Talk about clueless. This is a prime example of the selfishness that our society is saturated in. Yes, it’s true that her walkway may not be all that long. But how many snow-filled walkways does the poor postal worker have to walk up every day?


Let’s imagine that everyone had a twenty foot walkway. And that walkway was filled with snow. Now imagine that you have to traverse up and down each walkway on top of walking your entire route carrying pieces of mail slung over your shoulder. It can get tiring. The fact that the postal worker wrote a letter should have been a cue to just clear the damned walkway. And the fact that she made a big deal about how small the walkway is should really point out how lazy her family is for not getting off their butts to do their due diligence.


Kudos to that postal person for standing up for themselves. Canada Post doesn’t really get a fair shake. They are a great service!

The First Order of Business is…

Watch House.

It is the best show on Television.

Really. Do it now.

I don’t know why this show appeals to me so much. The character named Dr. Gregory House would drive me nuts were I a patient or subordinate in that hospital. He’s a mysanthropic, intelligent diagnostician who seems to have the answers to everything. No one likes the fact that he’s right all the time (least of all, the head Doctor at the hospital).

Lots of risks are involved in his experiments. Perhaps I like the fact that House thinks outside the box, and that he never gives up. The big picture always plays out in his mind as he pursues the answers to the most mundane problems. Now you have to watch an episode to see what the hell I am talking about. Go now.

On another note…

A friend and I were talking about his mood today. He mentioned he was grumpy because he’d just come back from the dentist. I told him that he was grumpy because he got the clap from the “bonus plan” that the dentist offered. The brush and tug.

I wonder what famed intellectual shortened “Body Rub Parlour” or “Erotic Massage Boutique” to “Rub and Tug”? It’s a work of genius, and yet, it seems like some kind of breakfast menu item.

“Margie, I’ll have a plate o’ ham n’ eggs, and my buddy Ralph over here’ll get himself a rub ‘n tug with coffee…”

It’s just weird.

The conversation went downhill from there, as we brought the idiotic element of the phrase to the fore by introducing the “Tug and Tug”. You know. Go down to the harbour and take a boat ride and get the finish when you’re done. Think of all the people who would be lining up for that!

Yes.

I am a smart fellow.

A genius in fact…