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Mean Streets Experiment

Posted on August 24, 2005 by Jorge

Mean Bus Drivers

What pleasure could one possibly get from waiting for some poor passenger walking up to the door of the bus and then taking off just before they can get on?

I mean, really…

I can understand if the passenger was taking their time, sauntering up the street like they owned the town. That type of arrogance should be rewarded with a face full of exhaust.

But when the poor soul has been running for a good few blocks just to catch the bus. It’s not really fair.

Not all bus drivers are like this, mind you. Most are awesome.

I’m only ranting about this because I’ve seen it happen twice this past week.



Streets Suck

Sometimes I wonder what city planners are smoking when they design streets.

I mean, I know that grids are overdone, but they make it easier to get around.

If you don’t know what I mean, go to New York. Pick two places, then ask for directions from anyone on the street…



YOU: Hi there. I’m trying to get from the United Nations property to the Empire State Building. How do I do this?
ANYONE IN NEW YORK: Go to hell.


Honestly, they wouldn’t say that (often). The directions they’d give you would be relatively straightforward, as the streets are laid out and named in such a way as to facilitate finding your way around effectively.

However, go to Sao Paolo and ask for directions….



YOU: Hi there, I’m trying to get from A to B. Can you give me directions?

ANYONE IN SAO PAULO: [Explodes, leaving behind a tuft of singed hair.]


Why am I writing about streets? Well, I was inspired by a conversation I overheard yesterday…



OLD LADY: Excuse me, miss [Approaching some other lady.]. Does Dundas St go North from here?
SOME OTHER LADY: Dundas St West goes Dundas St West.
OLD LADY: Um…


We have a street in Toronto named Dundas St W. In some places it goes North/South. In most it goes East/West. It crosses Bloor St W at least twice, making directions a bit more challenging to give. Seriously, tell someone you’re looking for Dundas & Bloor and see what they say.

As awkward as that sounds, though, it’s not as bad as King St in Kitchener/Waterloo. At any given point it could be King St N, King St S, King St E, or King St W. I think it even crosses Weber St three times…



YOU: [Getting in Cab.] Hi there. I’d like to go to King/Weber.
CABBIE: [Applies gentle bathing to you with flamethrower.]


Ah, gotta love city streets.



Experiment a Success?

I wrote an article yesterday engineered to capture many hits from search engines. The thing about that article is that it will demonstrate its effectiveness in the weeks to come.

Any new article is attached to the front page of one’s blog after it has been written, attaining hits by virtue of being front-and-center. Eventually, though, it is moved down the list, and off the front by newer articles. Occasionally you will see footprints from web-searching-spiders.

Now that the spiders will run amok inside my article and it will move up the hit charts, causing the counter to rise steadily rather than taper off.

That’s the hope, anyway.

I’ve never really been all that scientific…

Filed under: Anecdotes, Experiments, Rants, Spaces Archive | 9 Comments »

Another Weekend of Bears In the Mail

Posted on August 22, 2005 by Jorge

Another Weekend, Another Camping Adventure

We went camping again this weekend.

A little bit less than an ideal set up.

It was raining as we pulled up to the campsite, and then it poured like Noah was in town.

Let me tell you, setting up a tarp and tent in the rain is not my idea of fun. The tarp kept filling up with water and our tent actually had a leak! After some creative spider-like work with ropes, we managed to shield most of the tent from water and our eating area.

I started a campfire in the rain, and it rocked. We cooked our dinner on there.

Later on Dennis and Lorraine showed up and we played some cards.

It rained all night, which is nice to listen to when you are semi-dry in a tent.

The next day the rain had ceased to pour. The ground absorbed a lot of the water, so the hiking was pretty good. We actually had a great hike. On our way back, though, we happened across some not-so-rare wildlife…


Stupidus Maximus…



Does a Bear Give a Shit In the Woods?

In Algonquin Park Moose will sometimes appear along the side of the road. This leads to people parking their cars to marvel at nature. This is called a Mooose Jam. It’s not so bad when people pull off a safe distance and behave themselves.

Mrs. J and I were driving back from Hemlock Bluff Trail when we saw what we thought to be a Moose Jam. We pulled off of the Highway a short walk from where everyone seemed to be standing and walked back. I didn’t really take any moose photos this year, so I figured it would be a good opportunity to snag some.

As we approached, I wondered how small this Moose was. As tall as the vegetation was, I should have still been able to see it.

That’s when I saw the black fur.

Mrs. J spoke in a hushed voice…


Bear.


Indeed. I saw a cub disappear into the woods and I saw a mother Bear snacking on leaves with her other cub. I readied my camera and gave Mrs. J the car keys figuring she would take this to mean open the doors if things get hot. I was standing about 15-20m away from the peaceful scene.

Meanwhile, the throng of people next to me was not so peaceful. Their kids were getting too close for comfort to the bears and one guy stepped out of his car, leaving the door open for his yappy dog to potentially come out and cause problems.

People were stopped in the middle of the highway to take pictures.

I was going to say something when a Ranger pulled up and told the people that the middle of the highway is not a parking lot and that it is not advised to be so close to a mother and her cubs.

I was nowhere near as close as some and I was ready to deal with whatever happened, because I am aware of how fast a bear can move. Most of these people had no clue.

Another thing that pissed me off is that quite a number of them were all carrying pretty hefty camera hardware. But they didn’t have the courtesy that went along with it. I have no real good shots of the scene because people would walk in front of my camera after they got their shots.

I wish I could have pushed them closer to the bear.

That photo would have been entertaining.

Speaking of photos, I will post some of the shots from the weekend on my photo website tonight. (UPDATED IN THE PM: You can click the link on the left to see the ten most recent photos I have taken. They are not all that good, as a lot of my better ones are in portrait orientation, and I am too lazy to do a script for those.)



Don’t Send Cash In the Mail

A fellow blogger had expressed an interest in purchasing one of my photos. We agreed on the rate and she agreed to send the money as soon as possible.

However, she received her envelope back a few days after she had sent it indicating insufficient postage (which was odd). It had also been opened and was missing the cash destined to pay for her photo.

Remember, everyone. It’s unfortunate that we can’t trust everyone. If you’re going to send money, a cheque or money order is harder for someone to steal and get away with.

Filed under: General Dialogue, Rants, Spaces Archive | 5 Comments »

Another Heart Window Nut

Posted on August 12, 2005 by Jorge

Another Photo Exhibition

The Salvador Darling show is closing today. I’ll be heading over there this evening to take down the photos from the walls, only to send new ones along to Sunnyside Sundays (Portugal Pavilion).

It takes place on Sunday, August 21. It should be a great day.

The only unfortunate part is that I won’t be present, but there will be all kinds of vendors and fun. Check it out if you can!

One day only.



Gorilla My Heart

I love the Toronto Zoo. I realize that not everyone agrees with the concept of a zoo, but in my opinion there are some Zoos that do great work for conservation and preservation of species, and the Toronto Zoo is one of them.

One of my favourite exhibits is the Gorilla exhibit. I’m not sure if it’s their grace, or strength that draws me to them. Perhaps the similarities between us and them make it more fascinating? Either way, a trip to the zoo would not be complete without visiting my lowland brethren.

Today, I will tell you two tales of why Gorillas are better than people.

You will be amazed…



The Window

Before the Gorillas got their new spiffy environment at the Zoo, they had a relatively plain one. There was an outdoor component, and an indoor one (these were visible to the zoo patrons).

The outdoor component has all kinds of ladders and ropes and things for the Gorillas to use for exercise, and the inside was essentially a large space with various open-concept rooms. The visitors were separated from the Gorillas by a thick layer of clear Plexiglas, so that observation of the Gorillas would be unhindered.

On this particular day, the Gorillas were inside, as the weather was quite hot and humid and inside was much cooler. Consequently, a lot more people were inside than usual as well.

There was a crowd along the Plexiglas wall about five people deep. The line closest to the Plexiglas window was made up mostly of kids, but there were also some older teenagers and young guys.

The older boys were leaning right up to the glass, making faces (which was entertaining for all of us, I’m sure, including the Gorillas).

Given the number of people, things were surprisingly calm. Charles (the patriarch of the Gorillas), was sitting near one of the females, who was watching her baby playing in the soft straw of the enclosure floor. The other females were also close by, and there were two adolescent males goofing around with some of the toys and stealing glances at the face-makers.

The problem started when some of those older boys started smacking the glass.

This caused the baby to jump a little and irritated the adolescent males.

Charles looked around and appeared to be communicating with the young male gorillas. When he spoke, they would calm down slightly.

However, this did no good when the teenagers started smacking the glass hard, over and over.

Some of the kids in the front row were getting nervous as the young male gorillas started pacing close to the Plexiglas. The teens kept pounding.

Suddenly, one of the adolescents smacked the wall as a reply, shaking the Plexiglas. There is no doubt in my mind that the barrier would hold, but I’m sure it ruffled a few feathers in the crowd.

Given the level of response, you would have thought that the humans would quit pounding on the glass, but they kept going.

Soon the baby gorilla became upset and made an awful wailing noise.

At this point Charles got up (you have to realize that this guy is huge), picked up the baby Gorilla and nestled him to his torso to protect him. He then made a sharp hissing noise to the other Gorillas, and motioned to the door to the outer enclosure. The rest of the Gorillas followed him out, heads bowed.

The humans, in the mean time, were still making whooping noises and pounding on the glass.

Now think about this picture for a moment, and you tell me who the real animals are…

Gorillas: 1 Humans: 0



Charles and The Nut Thrower

I used to go to the Zoo a lot more than I do now. I used to be a member, which was more cost effective than paying admission several times a year.

One thing about zoos that really bug me is that there are a lot of stupid people. Among my favourites are…

  • Girls who insist on wearing clubbing clothes to the zoo
  • Guys who go there to cruise for chicks
  • People who don’t pay attention to where they are going
  • People who think feeding the geese and birds is a good thing


The most annoying person of all, though, is the nut thrower.

I was standing at the barrier of the outdoor enclosure watching Charles chill in the shade.

Picture a rather large (obese) man, with Weird Al Yankovic‘s Hair and moustache, a really big baseball cap, and an ugly Hawaiian shirt draped over his torn jean shorts. He was loud and obnoxious. He essentially shoved his way up to the enclosure and started telling people how stupid and slow Gorillas were.

This guy had a bag of peanuts and he was throwing them at Charles (the head Gorilla). The peanuts were flying all over, as this guy didn’t have the greatest coordination. The ones that actually hit Charles would just harmlessly bounce off of his furry hide, apparently doing no harm.

Even so, it was quite annoying…


See how stupid he is? He’s just letting me throw shit at him. Hahaha. This is hilarious.


Did I say annoying? I would also like to add embarrassing!

I was about to say something when Charles himself silenced the perpetrator with a simple action.

Peanut guy wound up and whipped a peanut that was going right for Charles’ face. It’s as if the world stood still except for that peanut. People gasped that the guy would throw it so hard.

But it was nothing to Charles.

Quick as a flash he caught the peanut between his strong thumb and forefinger and slowly looked up at the obnoxious man. Meeting his gaze, Charles then crushed the peanut into dust.

The peanut thrower became visibly shaken, and dropped his bag of peanuts as he backed away very quickly and took off.

Charles then collected the peanuts around him into a pile, put them on his belly and enjoyed the rest of his day.

Gorillas: 2 Humans: 0


Conclusion? Humans can be jackasses.

Filed under: Anecdotes, Photography, Rants, Spaces Archive | 17 Comments »

More Stupider Feature

Posted on July 20, 2005 by Jorge

People Are Becoming More Stupider

I was on the subway today listening to some kid bragging about his typing speed. He mentioned that he had the bestest technique, which allowed him to type more faster.

Honestly, do I really need to elaborate on this?



This Might As Well Be a Weekly Feature

Dave and I (and a number of others) are going camping next weekend. In his attempt to be a good guy (which he will always be, regardless of what he does), he offered to buy me a propane tank so that he might use my camp stove for cooking (we tend to do food preparation with a partner, and as sexy as Dave is, Mrs. J wins the hottie competition hands down, and so Dave is partnered with another stoveless person).

Note the exchange…


J: Hey Mano. You don’t need to worry about the tank.
D: Really?
J: Seriously. First of all, my stove burns white gas, so you showing up with a propane tank would help no one.
D: Err…That might pose a problem.
J: Secondly, we already have three canisters.
D: What do those cost? How much do they charge to fill them?
J: Napthalene comes in big drums. It’s pretty cheap, and it lasts forever. We only used a tank and a half at most last year.
D: Oh.
J: I appreciate the offer, but it’s not needed, and the cost is so small as to be relatively insignificant.
D: Well I have to do something.
J: Nah.
D: Really, is there anything I can do in trade?
J: Ummmmm….
D: Not that.

To be honest, I wasn’t even trying to be funny, but I was laughing like an idiot after Dave‘s line.

Dave and I have so many funny conversations that this should become a regular feature. Of course, by doing that, I would feel as if it were an obligation, and it would stress me out. So forget that nonsense. For one thing, I don’t really need another feature spiraling out of control. Secondly, while we find these conversations funny, we are not so egotistical as to believe that everyone would like them. That damned 10% holdout pisses us off.

Filed under: Friends, Humour, Rants, Spaces Archive | 9 Comments »

Thanks! All Everyone Needs is a Zealot!

Posted on July 15, 2005 by Jorge

Thanks To All

I want to take this opportunity to thank everyone that came out to the show at Salvador Darling last night. No pieces were purchased, but there were lots of signatures in the guest book. Many smiling faces came to greet us and much merriment seemed to be had by all.

I enjoyed it quite a lot, and a lot of your compliments were most welcome and wonderful.

Special thanks to Tanya, owner of Salvador Darling, for all of her help and for the space to display our art. Also, thanks goes out to Mark for being the other half of “Town and Country”.



Everyone Needs a Nemesis

When I was studying Capoeira, I met a guy named Tien. Tien was very skilled (he had been doing Martial Arts for a long time), and he was also relatively pain-resistant. His speed and agility, as well as his strength were a great challenge to deal with when playing aggressive games. And so he became my nemesis (consequently, that’s just a nickname. Tien is a good friend of mine).

Tien is one of the reasons I missed Capoeira when I left my old academy.

I joined Karate later that year. I wondered what kind of challenges I would face from the sensei, as well as the other students.

And in walked my new nemesis…

Steve was his name, and he had studied Goju-Ryu before. He is a big guy, quick on his feet and pretty strong. When we sparred for the first time, I remember opening up a bit in terms of impact, and he answered in kind. One of us is always pushing the envelope. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Last night, Steve came out to the exhibition. Unfortunately it was close to the end of the night, but he put in an appearance none the less (our friend Vinnie also came out). While all the compliments were great to receive that evening, Steve’s touched me the most for some reason.

Why?

Maybe one develops an emotional attachment to someone they get into fistfights with on a regular basis…


STEVE: Your stuff is great, Nemesis.
JORGE: Thanks, Nemesis.
STEVE: [Pointing to a black-and-white photograph titled Reaching Out. It’s a landscape shot of a cliff with a deciduous tree growing out on a strange angle. It looks like a hand reaching across a fog-filled valley.] This one is my favourite. This one…is awesome man.
JORGE: Wow, Steve. Thanks!
STEVE: Yeah. I really like that one.
JORGE: I picked it because it reminded me of you.
STEVE: Because it is weak, and fragile? Because it’s about to fall apart?
JORGE: Yes.
STEVE: Excellent, Nemesis.
JORGE: Yes.


Honestly, it did remind me of Steve. Only because of the fact that the tree is so tenacious. It’s reaching for the sky even though it’s not firmly planted in solid ground. Steve is like this.

He’s from Newfoundland. You’d hear some people say Steve’s from the Rock.

But I say he’s cut from it.



Religious Zealots and Other Commentators

Today I received a comment on my site from someone in Portuguese (at least I think it is Portuguese). As near as I can figure, it’s a long-ass poem about how God is always there, patiently waiting for us, no matter where we are or what we are doing.

Maybe it’s something lost in translation, but to me it makes God look like some stalker, hiding outside your house in the bushes.

Honestly, I mean no disrespect to those of Christian faith. I am not a religious person so much as a spiritual person. While I may not believe in the same things that other people do, it doesn’t mean that I don’t respect their views. That being said, I think it’s rude to push things on other people.

I offer my own opinions on my blog. If people do not wish to read them, that is up to them. When I leave comments on other’s blogs, they are related to the content of the entry that I am commenting on. I don’t leave idiotic comments or chain-letters.

I visited some friends blogs today and saw the same comment on their latest entries. This made me feel like a bag of crap, because this person obviously found them through me.

I visited this person’s page this morning, and told them to leave the propaganda off of people’s pages that didn’t ask for it.

This type of idiocy ranks up there with those morons who leave negative comments but no e-mail or blog address to trace them to.

Anonymity is for those who fear the truth, my friends.

Filed under: Friends, Photography, Rants, Spaces Archive, Special Events | 12 Comments »

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