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Logan Wins the Fight

Posted on February 12, 2006 by Jorge

Logan Wins the Battle Against Age-Old Nemesis

Asourceiated Press


Toronto – Today, Logan the cat did battle with his greatest enemy – his tail. For years the tail has tormented him. Swishing about tantalizingly this way and that, teasing Logan about how he could never catch such an elusive quarry





Who won the battle of the century?




Logan had attempted to catch his enemy for years, only to be met with failure. It was once thought that he would be forced to run in circles for eternity until he proved everyone wrong by managing to catch the tail unawares in the kitchen early Sunday morning.


In a brilliant move, Logan somersaulted onto his nemesis and held him down. The tail jittered nervously back and forth, trapped beneath the powerful forepaws of the black cat.


Logan swatted the tail a few times, enforcing who was boss. The tail attempted to get away, but Logan managed to flip over onto the runner again, causing the tail to lose hope.


Moping, the tail signed a peace agreement with Logan, vowing to never tease him again.





Logan was introspective after his victory.




The thought on everyone’s mind, though, is that the tail is actually much smarter than Logan, and will most likely violate the terms of the agreement, wreaking havok on Logan’s inadequate mind in the future.

Filed under: Anecdotes, Humour, Spaces Archive, Top 10 | 11 Comments »

Hai-Kuul? Love? Come On!

Posted on January 17, 2006 by Jorge

Hai-Kuul Christmas Gift

Dave and I have a very practical method of exchanging gifts. We essentially each use the other’s Amazon.ca wishlist to figure out what the person is looking for. We also will also possibly get something extra that may not be on the list.

This past Christmas, I got Dave a DVD off of his wish list and then bought him another one that wasn’t listed, but that I thought he would like.

Dave got me two movies off of my wish list, and then sent me this:



Check it out, yo.
Click to enlarge…


That’s right.

It’s a set of magnetic poetry words specifically for Haiku.

How freakin’ cool is that?*

Dave‘s idea** was for me to do haiku on my refrigerator and then take photos and post the photos of the haiku on my site. The problem with this is that I don’t have a digital camera.

At one point, I thought about using a cookie sheet and then taking a still picture using my webcam. The problem with that idea is that a lot of the requests that come in are too specific to be covered by words found in this magnetic poetry set.

I will try to post a few though.



What is Love?

I was on missbhavens recently. I noticed an article that posed a question about whether love was like a Tribble or a leather jacket. She offered a poll at the end of the article so the reader could voice their own opinion.

Being the rebels that they are, the folks leaving comments offered up their own ideas.

Of course, I needed to list my own idea also, and came up with this…

Love, to me, would be a hammock. It’s holds you up, and wraps around you, and if you mess around too much on the side, you fall out and break your face.


I thought this was funny.

Maybe it’s just me.



Come On!

Of course after I wrote this I mentioned it to Dave…


Jorge: Man, I am a genius.
Dave: How so?
J: I came up with a wicked definition for love. [Jorge reads Dave his new definition.]
D: [Laughs a little.]
J: So? What do you think? Do you think it’s funny, or what?
D: I think it’s funny that you proclaim your own genius.
J: Someone has to. But the love thing…It’s good right?
D: [Silence.]
J: Come on!
D: [Silence.]
J: Come onnnnn!
D: Just because you say that, doesn’t make it funnier.
J: Really?
D: No.
J: Come onnnnn!


At this point we started discussing how funny it would be if world leaders used come onnnnn! to resolve conflicts…


[George W. Bush and Osama Bin Laden are on the phone, having a discussion.]
GWB: Osama, ya gotta stop promotin’ terrorism!
OBL: No, infidel. You shall all rot in hell!
GWB: Please?
OBL: No.
GWB: Come on!
OBL: No.
GWB: Come onnnnn!
OBL: Oh…What the heck? Okay!


Wicked.




* – Add that to the fact that my lovely wife bought me a Nintendo Gamecube, and you have yourself a pretty sweet Christmas.
** – Actually, it was Beth and Sarah who found the Haiku set first. Dave was an almost innocent bystander.

Filed under: Friends, General Dialogue, Humour | 18 Comments »

Life Lessons

Posted on January 12, 2006 by Jorge

Important Points to Remember

Walking around any busy metropolis allows you to contemplate the deeper meaning of life.  Usually you can create a rule based on this introspection.

Here are seven words that you should think about…


Not everybody looks good in leather pants…


I’m sure it’s a trial and error thing, to know if you look good in leather pants.  But let me tell you, the ratio definitely favours the errors.

I think this is why I need glasses now.

Filed under: Humour, Spaces Archive | 19 Comments »

USS Spam

Posted on January 3, 2006 by Jorge

USS SPAM

More junk mail has been piling up. Surely I must have done something horrible in a previous life to warrant such attention from these evil folk.

Last time, I wrote these odd spam names into an office scenario.

This time, I think I will change the setting to a naval vessel.

Let’s see what happens…


Concatenated H. Flagstaff – Admiral Flagstaff is one of the most successful men in the navy. He’s won more battles than any other tactician in history. The only problem he’s ever had was when he took a shot to the crotch from an errant golf ball, destroying his manhood. He has since undergone several operations to regain his once mighty member. You will find him at the helm of his aircraft carrier: The USS Spam

Technician B. Muskett – Muskett is the gearhead of the aircraft carrier. When not working on inspecting and reparing aircraft, you will find him below decks, trying to create the most elaborate beer-drinking device since the dual-can hat with two straws. Admiral Flagstaff can count on Muskett to solve the technical problems of the ship.

Shape M. Pompadoured – Shape is second in command on the USS Spam. She is tougher than Flagstaff in many ways. She is physically intimidating, as she is in exceptional physical condition. She also towers over everyone, choosing to wear her lenghty hair completely up in the front. Ace Ventura has nothing on Shape. Drop and give her twenty!

Modifying S. Alkaline – Moddie spends most of her time tinkering around with the ship’s nuclear generator. You can see her puttering around in her goggles in the bowels of the ship. She doesn’t really say all that much. She’s a slippery character, sliding through life like a bar of soap, avoiding all duties she deems unnecessary so that she can be with her beloved power source.

Deliberated O. Brooches – Deliberated is the head cook and special advisor to the Admiral. He has seen action long before anyone on this ship had graduated from high school. A peek into his closet will reveal a coat covered in glimmering pins and medals. Most people call him Deli for short because he makes mean sandwiches. But Admiral Flagstaff knows that he is much more than that.

Cameo J. Oblongs – Cameo is seen about the ship far less than Moddie. She is the ship’s medic. She’s top in her field, administering care to those who need it. However, she does this via Post-It notes because she is extremely shy of her long nose and gangly arms. Most people on the ship who have ever been sick will find a bottle of pills that magically takes care of the problem without ever even stepping into the sick bay. Come to think of it, no one knows where the sick bay is…

Negatived L. Returned – Neg is the eyes and ears of the ship. Bouncing radar and sonar off of the surrounding area, he reads the signs on the scopes and lets the Admiral know what’s going down on and in the great big sea. Not too much escapes his attention. Not too much escapes his sardonic with and pessimism either. The Admiral must really appreciate Neg’s skills at observation, otherwise this sourpuss would get the old heave-ho.


And so, the USS Spam sails the seven seas, looking for adventure.

Feel free to e-mail me if you have suggestions for what kind of story the next volley of spam-influenced characters should be involved in.

Cheers!

Filed under: Humour, Spaces Archive | 10 Comments »

Convo

Posted on December 28, 2005 by Jorge

Dave and Jorge Convo Part 12: Return of the Stupey

Dave is holding a 24 hour movie marathon soon. He sent out a list of movies for us to rank so that we might come up with a group of movies to watch.

The following short discussion revolves around one of the movies in question.

I am not so smart, it seems. Dave, however, was on fire…


Jorge: The Thin Blue Line? Is that like The Thin Red Line?
Dave: No. The Thin Red Line is a war movie.
J: Really? I thought Clint Eastwood was in The Thin Red Line.
D: No.
J: Isn’t that movie about some guy trying to protect the president?
D: That’s In the Line of Fire.
J: Whatever. As long as the word line is in there, it’s all the same.
D: So it’s the same as The Line, the Witch and the Wardrobe?


Dave is a bastard.

Filed under: Friends, Humour, Spaces Archive | 10 Comments »

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