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Wanted: D

For being the best brutha from anotha mutha anyone could want.

Aliases: “Dave”, “D-Mac”, “Man-A-Tee”, “Davey”, “Innatub”, Dave




Seen here in various states of disguise. Note the nice rack.
Click to enlarge…



Description

Date of Birth: September 12, <Aught Seventy Five Plus Nineteen Hundred>
Place of Birth: <Some Party Somewhere>
Height: Tall Enough
Weight: Yes
Complexion: Pale as freshly fallen snow
Hair: Brownish, like freshly fallen…er…
Eyes: Blue
Sex: Male
Build: Lego
Race: Former Bay St Rat




After what became known as the Skewer
Incident
, things would never be the same.
Click to enlarge…


Occupation(s): 46-Year-Old Researcher
Nationality: Canadian
Remarks: D has ties to Georgetown, Windsor Toronto and Newfoundland. He started his blog at the end of 2004 and has kept everyone in stitches since. It’s all part of his devious plan to render everyone helpless so that he might make off with their Jägermeister and cookies. With a penchant for what the French call le fun-nay, he wins the hearts of people everywhere, before making off with their goodies.




Ladies man. Man’s man.
Click to enlarge…



Caution

Dave is wanted for having far too much wit for one person, as well as kick-ass parties at his parents house when we were younger. He is notorious for upholding the proper definition of the word irony (sometimes violently) and has been known to edit excellent online literary magazines. His sense of adventure and his try anything once attitude make him a risk to national security. He is resourceful, sometimes disguising himself in strange roles in plays and as the devil’s advocate in most arguments.




Seen here in his youth, honing his card trick skillz.
Click to enlarge…



Considered Armed (with superior grammar) and Extremely Dangerous (ability to carve totems that can change the course of a weekend’s beautiful weather to gales from hell).



Spreading Christmas cheer.
A little too well.
Click to enlarge…


If you have any information concerning this person, please contact Barking Space as soon as possible.




Dave and his
come hither lips™.
Click to enlarge…



Reward

Barking Space is offering a reward of up to 5 haiku poems for information leading directly to the capture of D.




Even in his former days, he
cut a fine figure.
Click to enlarge…



Happy Birthday, my friend.

The Phungtastic Adventures of the Algonquin Trippers – Parkside Bay

Please be patient with this one. It’s a bit long and image intensive. Hopefully it’s worth it…



Base Camp

The first evening was pretty uneventful. Dennis and Lorraine were pretty knackered and had to take care of Farley the dog (who had the trots earlier on because of excitement), so they opted to stay at their site across the water (about a ten minute paddle away).

We got our fire going, and Natlie prepared our steaks (which Tien and I picked up from St. Lawrence Market earlier that week). It was a nice dinner, which was accompanied by various forms of mixers.



Mmmm…Meaty*…
Click to enlarge…



The Drink of Champions

Camping in the interior is a tricky affair when it comes to alcohol. You are not allowed to bring cans or glass bottles with you, so you have to be creative.

Usually we bring rum or vodka** in Nalgene bottles. We’ll mix this alcohol with some drink crystals and lake water to make coolers.

It sounds pretty lightweight, but considering that the ratio of alcohol to everything else increases as the night goes on, it is pretty effective.



Refreshments***.
Click to enlarge…



Cue Music, Maestro

As the evening progressed, we broke out the guitar. Yes, we brought a guitar. Last year in a canoeing magazine, I found an ad for a guitar made my Martin specifically designed for backpacking. It has a full-length neck, but the body size is greatly reduced. This obviously takes away from the full-bodied sound of a normal acoustic guitar, but it increases the structural integrity and reduces the weight.

I managed to find a knock-off for about one tenth the price and bought that one. It sounded pretty good in the wilderness, I must say. Before the trip, Dave and I talked about learning a whole bunch of songs to play around the campfire.

Of course, this never happened.

Instead, we fumbled our way through whatever we decided to play, our powerful vocals trailing off after the second or third line, only to be replaced with sloppy chord work and mumbled lyrics.

The night before, on Tea Lake, Isha made a comment involving the Juicy Fruit song. Dave was kind enough to play his version of that, and it became the song of the weekend.

God have mercy on our souls.



Artsy Dave rockin’ out.
Click to enlarge….



In the Forest the Lion Sleeps Tonight

Brad’s voice crackled over the walkie-talkie informing us that he and Phung were around the corner.

True to his word, they arrived shortly after and went over to the other site to set up their tent before coming back to spend some time with us.

It was a quiet evening, filled with music, drinking and laughs. Brad and Phung left for their site, paddling back under a beautiful moonlit sky.

The rest of us hit the hay at midnight or so.

And for the record, everyone snored at some point. Not just me..



This is what you could see at night****.
Click to enlarge….



A New Day Dawns

Remember how I mentioned that I tend to wake up before everyone else?

I do that so I can have the morning all to myself…



For more information about the photographs, check out Figtography.
Click to enlarge….



The Sting of Defeat…er…The Heat?

Mrs. J and Dave had some problems that started the day before with a hap-hazard application of sunscreen.

Mrs. J had a painful burn just below her collarbone, while Dave’s leg was doing an impression of Two Face from Batman.

While it was apparent on the day it happened (Friday), it was much more obvious the next day. Glaringly obvious.

Here are some images that started out as a demonstration of Dave’s burn, but turned into the worst album cover of all time…



This started as a way to show
how red Dave’s leg was****.
I don’t know what happened****.
Click to enlarge….



Things to Do…

When you’re camping in the middle of nowhere, you have to make your own fun. Here is a list of things to do in picture format. It allows me to be lazy by glossing over the weekend with a photo montage. Click any photo if you would like to see a bigger version…


Get Comfy****

Sleep****

Sing KISS Songs to Your Friend****

Imbibe*****

Pee When No One is Looking****

Sleep******

Admire Plastic Bottles****

Put On a Boaring Play****

Model*****

Teach a Dog Euchre****

Admit Your True Feelings****

Prove Your Courage****

Catch Dinner******

Eat Nutella****

Enjoy Refreshment****

MTV’S Becoming Jebus****

Watch Dave Crack Tailbone****

Nap****

Drink****

Realize You Drank Too Much****



Things I Learned This Year

Every year I learn a few new things when I go camping. This year was no exception…

  • I thought I could sweeten some Nescafe instant coffee (that Dave brought along) with some Apple Rum. No go. It tasted disgusting. My face registered as much, even though I was trying to look like I was enjoying it. Dave named the drink Bull Sack.
  • If you ever wondered who would win in a fight between a Great Blue Heron and a Snapping Turtle…


    Fatality*******.
    Click to enlarge…

  • Dave created what he thought was a new drink, called Vodka Water. Guess what it’s made out of? Dave insists it is the best thing ever. You know what? It’s not.
  • Euchre is tiring.
  • Bacon is the food of the gods…


    Myself* and Phung**** getting our Bacon Mojo on.
    Click to enlarge…

  • Throwing knives at logs (not trees) is stupid when the knives are black and the dirt under the leaves on the ground is also pretty dark. It’s a good thing Dave lost his own knives. I would have felt guilty if I lost them. Maybe.
  • Inukshuk construction in the Park is still wrong********


    Nat. Bane of Inukshuks in 2006*******.
    Click to enlarge…



Fin

It was a great trip.

With the exception of needing two sites and the hellish paddle back, everything went really well. We all had a great time and it left us looking forward to next year’s trip.

I had a really good run of photos, some of which will make it into the photo blog. The strangest one by far was this one…



I was a little but tipsy when I did this.
However, it turned out as expected.
And no, that’s not actually Dave, it’s me.
Click to enlarge…


There were so many great pictures and memories.

That’s what happens when you have great friends. You can rest assured that no matter what the weather is, you will always be in the company of wonderful people…


Our motley crew.
Click to enlarge…


For more camping goodness, you can check out Dave’s Version.




* – Photo courtesy of Isha.
** – Of course Jägermeister is always a staple as well. We just don’t need to mix it with anything.
*** – Just so you know, other than the flask, everything is plastic. Please don’t bring glass or cans into the interior.
**** – Photo courtesy of Dennis.
***** – Photo courtesy of Mrs. Jorge.
****** – Photo courtesy of Lorraine.
******* – Photo courtesy of Brad.
******** – Inukshuks are not part of the natural landscape of Algonquin. The local native population has never used them. They are used elsewhere, though (up North). In Algonquin Park they are the equivalent of gaudy billboards. They are also quite hazardous when precariously perched on rock formations adjacent to Highway 60. For these two reasons they should be destroyed, and the rocks that they were built with should be spread about to make it inconvenient to attempt another Inukshuk…

The Phungtastic Adventures of the Algonquin Trippers – On the Move

Ready…Set…Launch!

I was up before everyone, which is what usually happens when we go camping. Something about being away from the city and all of the demands of every day life really allows me to sleep better, and I enjoy my solitude in the mornings.

Once everyone was up and had breakfast, we mobilized pretty quickly. I took care of the permits and everyone else set up their packs at the launch site.

The canoes arrived shortly after, and we loaded them up with our gear and headed down Smoke Lake. Eight of us departed, as Brad and Phung had to work and would be joining us in the evening…



Packing up for Smoke Lake*.
Click to enlarge…


Smoke Lake is relatively large lake to cross. From the launch point to the portage landing it’s almost a six kilometer paddle**. Someone had the idea of actually using one of our tarps to create a sail, to aid our crossing…



The sail of the century*.
Click to enlarge…


After about a half hour we finally got the sail up and ready to go. Of course, as luck would have it, the wind died, leaving us with a big blue banner.

The wind being nonexistent made life easy in terms of paddling, though. It’s a lot less effort when there is no head wind to worry about.

We reached the portage point and made quick work of the land crossing.



The mighty legs of Tien aided us in our quick portage*.
Click to enlarge…


The second leg of the journey involved traversing south for a little while and then curving back up north. Of course, once we rounded the corner to head north again the wind decided to spring up, uninvited. This made the last leg of our journey very tiring.

Not only was the wind in our faces, but all of the sites that we originally wanted were taken. Add the fact that we had to find two sites*** instead of just one (that were relatively close to each other), and you’ll have added a good chunk of time. Needless to say when all was said and done we earned our dinners and our delicious bevvies.


For more camping goodness, you can check out Dave’s Version.




* – Photo courtesy of Isha.
** – That’s almost 4 miles for you American Bloggers.
*** – Interior campsites have a maximum allowance of 9 people.

The Phungtastic Adventures of the Algonquin Trippers – Tea Lake

My Kingdom for a Functioning Brain

Seriously.

So much stuff happens during these camping weekends that it’s hard to keep track. It’s also silly to try and recap the whole thing, so what I intend to do is just type out what I remember in order and see what happens (I will most likley add things as the days go on. I’ve also decided to type this up in segments)…



Tea Lake

Thursday held sunny skies and very slight winds, aiding our drive up to Algonquin Park. Be that as it may, it was a little unnerving to see sections of the landscape adjacent to the highway torn to shreds by what must have been the touch-down points of tornadoes.

Mrs. J and I arrived at Tea lake in the late afternoon, giving us plenty of time to set up our brand new tent* before Dave and Isha arrived. Obviously this was done to allow uninterrupted drinking time later on. Brad made a brief stop at our site to pick up some Tea we got for him, and promised to visit in the morning.

Mrs. J took a stroll as I took a nap in the tent under a now overcast sky. Well, I tried to nap, but apparently the family camped on the adjacent site didn’t seem to care about how much noise they made. The best thing about this family was the fact that when the dad was sleeping, the mom would yell for the kids to be quiet. Ironic**.



Some of what we enjoyed. Click to enlarge…


Dave and Isha showed up at the campsite in the early evening. It was then that the alcohol began to flow. Nothing insane, mind you. Just some beer and wine. And…well…more wine. Horribly, I had forgotten a corkscrew, and had to actually use one that belonged to the loudies next door, as they had a really good handle on their Alky.

Dennis, Lorraine and Farley showed up later on in the night, and we were all one cozy family.

It was a fine evening, filled with friends, alcohol, and more alcohol***. Best of all, I got to unload six pounds of beef jerky, as I have an undisclosed source who makes some fine product****.


What happened after we drank what
we enjoyed*****. Click to enlarge…


For more camping goodness, you can check out Dave’s Version.




* – Our tent is large enough to comfortably sleep four people or contain a small rave party.
** – This irony has been approved by Dave.
*** – We enjoyed some Alizé and Jägermeister before bed.
**** – I had ordered this stuff a while back, and it had been sitting in my fridge for a week. I wanted to eat some so badly, but I held back so that we could all eat together.
***** – Photo courtesy of Isha.

We’re Back…

We’ve returned from the wilderness.

Due to the fact that we have to coordinate photos and stories, you’ll have to wait for the scoop.

I think you’ll be satisfied with the result, though.