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There is Evil There that Never Sleeps

24 Hour Movie Marathon – Year 3

Last night I arrived in Ottawa after a brief, seven hour bus ride.

When we got to Dave’s I couldn’t believe how much snow there was. To think that the storm hadn’t even hit at that time…


This is the snow that was at Dave’s pre-storm. Check out the snow angel made vertically.
Click on either to enlarge…

Now I am sitting in Dave’s living room, ready to begin the festivities.

I will be periodically updating this throughout the day with text, pictures and movies (most likely adding those up to several days later), so stay tuned!

The first movie on deck is…



Bloodsport – 09:00

Ah, who can forget this gem from the eighties? I think the more appropriate thing to say would be what does one have to do to forget this gem from the eighties?

When we were younger this movie was the bomb. We thought it was so cool and that the action was amazing. In actuality, this movie, introduced to me by my friend Frank, was something that rekindled my interest in martial arts.

Now, a few decades later, I watch it and shudder. The action scenes are horrible. While some of the choreography is technically sound, it’s implemented so horribly that it makes it unwatchable.

Most of the dialogue sounds dubbed, and the music is hilarious.

The awesome thing about this movie, though, is that it is a piece of our childhood. Our sorry, sorry childhood.

There are so many cheesy lines that one can’t help wondering why this movie was run in the theater.

Maybe it was the fact that…

  • They dubbed over Bolo’s voice so it sounds like he actually went through puberty.
  • Van Damme does the splits no less than seven times.
  • They played Karate Champ.
  • They got what appears to be a Far Eastern guy to play a Middle Eastern guy.
  • You get to see Van Damme’s butt, which is covered after a few seconds by a burgundy pair of briefs.
  • The kid playing a young Frank Dux is more convincing than Jean Claude.



Our tribute to Jean Claude.
Click to enlarge…



Our mini-movie of Bloodsport.



Raising Arizona – 10:50

This movie is essentially one of the best forms of birth control.

Ever.

Actually, it’s also one of the funniest movies to come out of the eighties, even if it’s not always funny. This is because it has some of the funniest lines are delivered by the traileriest trashiest characters ya ever done saw!

If you haven’t seen this movie, you really should. It’s a great flick that strikes a chord with each person on some level. Not giving anything away, I can say that the movie centers around the theme of family.

The kid they get to play Nathan Jr. is also awesome in this movie. Cute as a button!

For the record, this movie has better fight scenes than Bloodsport.

Also, there is 400% more yodelling.



The reality of the situation finally hits Joe.
Click to enlarge…



Our first ever driving scene.



Casablanca – 13:00

I saw this movie a number of years ago, in a strange situation.

In any case, at the time I didn’t really pick up on all of the subtleties. Watching it now reveals some exceptionally witty dialogue and subtle humour.

One note of trivia: Rick never does say Play it again, Sam. In fact, the closest he comes to that line is Play it, Sam.

This is one of those movies that stands the test of time. Even though it was filmed a long time ago, it can still move you.

Bogey was (and will always will be) one of the best actors ever, in my humble opinion, anyway.

It’s one of those movies where the ending isn’t really as happy as you would like it to be. For it’s day, it dealt with a lot of touchy issues.

One thing that all of us movie-watchers agreed on was that Victor Lazlo was one of the most open-minded and forgiving characters ever. Bogey told him, in no uncertain terms, that things happened between him and Bergman. And Lazlo just nodded and took it on the chin.



Bogey doesn’t take rejection very well.
Click to enlarge…



The rare Casablaca wife swap ending.



Holes – 15:00

I’ve never really heard of this movie. According to Sarah it’s based on a book. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of this story before.

Shia LaBeouf is in this movie, so it’s probably good. I thought he was awesome in Transformers

Mark: [On John Voight.] Why do people keep giving him work?
Cathy: Because he’s awesome.

For the first family film we’ve had at one of these, I have to say that so far it’s pretty cool. The pacing is great and keeps feeding you enough information to keep you engaged at the overall plot. Revelation by flashback can be really effective.

Cathy: Did you know the only natural enemy of the hole is the pile?

Definitely a great movie. Make sure to see this one.



Cursed to dig for 100 years leads to some weird finds.
Click to enlarge…



I tell ya, the things people leave lying around…



Grey Gardens – 17:00

This movie is about a couple of older ladies living in a big ol’ house. The house is in a horrible state, and the ladies live with a bunch of cats and raccoons.

Isha said that this movie is a cult classic.

I think that the type of cult she’s referring to are those cults that end up killing themselves waiting for aliens or comets to help them escape from the planet.

This movie gave me the opportunity to call home and check in on the troops.

It’s been almost an hour now and I’m contemplating gouging out my eyes with a coffee cup.

Looking out the window, I can see the snow piling higher and higher. I’m going to go out and shovel under the pretense of being a good person. When in reality, I will be shoveling because I will go insane if I have to watch this for too much longer.



Isha just let it all go when she got her 300th cat.
Click to enlarge…



Why Tylenol was invented…



The Warriors – 20:00

I am pretty sure I’ve seen this before, but it’s feeling like a new film at the moment. Especially with the remastering of the DVD we’re watching.

Nothing like a bout of gang violence to get the evening started off right!

I think that all gangs should dress as colourfully as the gangs in this movie. It makes it easier to tell what they are trying to be. Nowadays, the gangs are so confused and far more subtle than the gangs shown here.

Plus the gangs in this movie are tougher than real life. I mean, come on! The Roller Skating Gang? You don’t find toughness like that every day.

This movie is so cheesy it’s awesome. It’s essentially like watching a video game. It surprises me that they took over twenty years to actually make a video game about it.

It has all of the elements. A goal to reach. A cadre of enemies to fight to get there. Weapons to upgrade to (dropped by said cadre).

So good.



Don’t mess with the Lounging Pants Various Household Utensils Gang.
Click to enlarge…



I get the idea from this movie that Dave wants the Warriors to come out and play…



Cube – 21:40

I saw this movie a long time ago. It’s a sci-fi flick about a group of people stuck in a prison of sorts.

It’s all kinds of awesome, this movie. Filmed with a very tiny budget, it made do with little and delivers a huge, crazy ride.

It’s a suspenseful thriller, showing how a small cross section of humanity copes with a stressful situation. In some way, it reminds me a little of Lord of the Flies.

If you have a need for endings that explain everything, though, you might want to avoid this movie. I am not giving anything away by saying it doesn’t end in a way that will leave you with certain key knowledge.



This is some complicated math!
Click to enlarge…



Joe designed the perfect prison. Can you tell why?



Hard Candy – 23:15

I heard about this movie a while ago, and was really interested because of the nature of the story. I don’t really want to give a lot away, but it’s a cat-and-mouse thriller that puts a twist on an issue that’s in the headlines far too often.

Ellen Page is an impressive actress. I saw her in Juno and thought she was incredible.

If you don’t like spoilers, don’t read the next few lines.

We are about 45 minutes through the movie and I have to say I AM SO FUGGIN’ UNCOMFORTABLE RIGHT NOW!

All of the guys in the room have assumed protective poses.

This movie is incredible. The cinematography is amazingly frustrating. It reveals just enough to leave you on the edge of your seat.

End spoilers.



I have this sinking feeling I’ll be missing something.
Click to enlarge…



Dave makes sure he’s not missing anything after a harrowing experience.



Suspiria – 01:15

This is an Italian horror movie. It’s supposed to be crazy gory and scary. Seeing as it’s dark in the room (the lights are out), maybe it will actually be scary.

There is a reference to it in Juno, which is pretty cool, as I was curious about this film.

Well, about ten minutes into the movie, I didn’t find it so cool anymore, so I decided to sleep. It wasn’t very scary. It was just loud and stupid.

Basically the movie was about hallways and ketchup and weird, creepy music. Last year’s horror film was way scarier.


What I thought of this movie.
Click to enlarge…



Sunshine – 04:05

I want to sleep, but I want to see this movie more. I saw a trailer for it about two months ago and thought it would be something that I might be interested in.

And…it has officially lost me.

It could have been a good movie for me until they took some of the realism and threw it out the window.

F!



Sad to say, but this is the direction this movie went in when it decided to be something weirder than what it should have been..
Click to enlarge…



FAIL!

We never finished. We all went to bed.

Whether it was the shovelling of endless amounts of heavy snow or the back-to-back one-two punch of the last two movies, I can’t say.

But we all basically decided that sleep was more important than Kevin Bacon.


You can read Dave’s account of the event here.



Extras

Here is an extra movie, as well as some bloopers we hope you enjoy. There are no movies for the last two, because filming a bottle of Ketchup and Mustard would probably make a better clip, but I’m outta ketchup…



Dave and Goliath.



Never cut off the Hong Kong chief of police.



Trying to call out the Warriors. Not very well, I might add.



Still hasn’t called them out correctly yet…



The blooper of the night. Dave’s second call-out was too high, resulting in hilarity.


I Said No, No, No!

Apropos

Before I get to the one line that will either make you laugh or make you angry, I just wanted to say something.

I like Amy Winehouse’s music. I don’t like Amy Winehouse’s behaviour.

We live in a society that has to constantly pat itself on the back for things that already have succeeded beyond measure. We reward the wrong things.

That being said…


Am I the only one who gets a kick out of the fact that Amy Winehouse won five Grammys?

I wonder if they’re up her nose yet?


Snucking the Googies

Things You Should Know Before Having Kids

Adults who are sick with colds tend to be pretty miserable.

It’s true.

Think about the last time you had a cold. All of the endless nose-blowing and throat-clearing. So many tissues. Chicken soup leaking out of your ears because you ingested so much of it.

Now picture the same sickness, but the horrible inability to blow your nose because you don’t know how.

Welcome to the world of being a baby.



Enter…The Aspirator

For this purpose a wonderful tool was invented. It is called the nasal aspirator


It’s a wonderful utility that allows you to use suction to extract mucus.

Mrs. J calls it The Snot Sucker.

Rightly so. That’s essentially what it does.

Even such a small device can evoke a lot of humour.

The other day I was talking to her on the phone. She was sleep deprived, as the whole household had been embroiled in a battle with the cold virus and due to this condion, she was inventing new words. These words made complete sense, even though they didn’t exist in the official English Dictionary.

This one word, though, is one of the best words ever invented…

Snucking


As for googies, you will have to ask my friend Kirk about that.


The End is Nigh

Good Thing We Get to Start Over Again Tomorrow

That’s the wonderful thing about our species. We are so fixated on redo’s that we created a cyclic calendar.

Seriously.

Some medieval jackass probably screwed up things with his wife and invented a calendar to allow himself to achieve redemption.

But enough about my theories of history…

What was this year all about?

Challenges.

Moreso than any other year, I would say.

Certainly last year, the year of Two Thousand and Suck (as coined by Dave), was a challenging year.

But this year was insane.

Let’s review things that I have learned…

  • When they say that contractions are a certain amount of time apart, they are referring to an average, not that every contraction is exactly five minutes apart.
  • If your first baby arrives after four hours from the onset of active labour, you should consider preparing to have your second child at home.
  • The strongest friendships weather any storm. Even ones thrown at you by the devil himself.
  • Sometimes you find a new friend where and when you least expected it. Most likely closer than you might have imagined.
  • While friendship is the glue that binds us all together, WhyNattes is the solvent that melts away life’s problems.
  • Having a child makes you want to live forever.
  • No matter how little you change when you have a baby, almost everyone will treat you differently. Sometimes this is good. Sometimes this is bad. Just be ready to be considered different.
  • Life is never as bad as you think. And while it could always be worse, being passive about improving it is stupid. You need to get your hands dirty.
  • I never get to see the Biologist, Turtle Woman, the Mife, the Blife, or Farley and Company very often. But we’re all still close, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.
  • I do get to Manchu with Shatton on a regular basis, which is awesome.
  • Achieving a Black Belt is more about sacrifice than hard work.
  • Achieving a Black Belt while landscaping your back yard is not only tiring, but probably idiotic.
  • Grandparents are fueling the housing market. Seriously, if you have ever had the thought where the hell are we going to put all of these presents?, you’ll know why the suburbs are so populated.
  • Toronto Thumbs is awesome. And not just because I write for it.
  • No matter how awesome your spouse is, if they get you a Nintendo Wii for Christmas, they will become creatures of legend for the duration of your natural life.


Not really a long list, but I don’t want to get all teary-eyed on you.

This has been a year of learning and wonder. I wish you all the very best for the New Year.

May you make all of your dreams come true.

Convopalooza

Is That the Date? Yikes!

So…

I haven’t posted in a while. Sue me.

I’ve been busy with other things, thus sending this place to the end of my list of priorities.

That being said, today I am going to post a whack of MSN conversations.

It’s not much, I know, but enjoy!



President Evil

My friend Shatton talking about his complicated approach to Resident Evil 4



Click to enlarge…



Fatality

One of the rare occasions where we had more than two people in a chat window at once. It’s rare for good reason, apparently…



Click to enlarge…



Hot Brown…

My friend Shatton has game nights every friday at his place. Due to me being busy half the time, I tend to miss out on the fun. Here he tries to entice me…



Click to enlarge…



Sleep? That’s Where I’m a Viking!

I enjoy utilizing the drawing feature of MSN Messenger.

Observe as I render a true-to-life portrait of Dave



Click to enlarge…



Does Not Compute…

Kim and I were having a perfectly civil conversation when my silly sense of humour hijacked our window and drove us to the state of insanity…



Click to enlarge…



Smashed

Rituro and I share a love of gaming. We also share a love of Hulk-dominated conversations…



Click to enlarge…



Friends

Here is a conversation between Kelly and I about friendship…



Click to enlarge…



TMI

Not content with our previous level of insight, Kelly and I change gears…



Click to enlarge…



Priorities

Here I demonstrate to Tug that I have a one-track mind…



Click to enlarge…



Pan-Dimensional

Did you know that Dr. Beth is a being who can defy the laws of physics? I sure didn’t…



Click to enlarge…