Pre-Emptive Strike?
Since Dave & Sarah are having a baby early next year, the 2009 Movie Marathon has been moved to 2008.
As usual, we will be covering the event using all the tools in the nerd kingdom, so sit back and enjoy.
I have all of the movies titled already in preparation for the day. Stay tuned! Also, please be aware that this entry will contain spoilers. Also, due to the content of some of the movies we watch, some of the subsequent videos and words in the following entry may not be suitable for some. You have been warned…
Our list of movies.
Click to enlarge…
10:20 – Death Race 2000
Here we have a disturbing view of the future. You know. The future being the year 2000.
The movie is total cheese, but it is pretty awesome so far. How can you not love a movie with Sly Stallone and David Carradine? Even Martin Kove is in it. This movie is all kinds of awesome.
Chris: How come the real year 2000 wasn’t as cool as this?
It’s a strange dystopian vision of the future, that’s for sure. America is not the most friendly place in the world, according to this movie. As to be expected, the special effects are nothing compared to today’s movies. However, given the times it’s relatively gory. This movie must have been pretty shocking back in the day.
You’ve got to wonder how starved for entertainment folks in the past were with such horrible dialogue and wooden delivery.
[Currently Sly is chasing after some poor guy that just called his character Frankenstein. It's pretty funny.]
Mark: They need to play the music from Benny Hill for this chase.
There is a group in the movie called The Resistance that is trying to sabotage the Death Race. Most of their ambush projects look like they were made by kindergarten art classes.
The Verdict
It’s a horrible, horrible movie. But it was pretty hilarious. So bad that it’s hilarious. It’s watchable, but probably not over and over again.
Dave and Isha take it where the sun don’t shine courtesy of Fireplace Tool Joe.
Click to enlarge…
Davekenstein takes down an innocent for 80 points.
11:47 – Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
It’s been a while since I’ve seen this movie. At least ten years. I saw this film when I was in university, I think. Actually, now that I think about it, I think I also saw this movie when I was a kid.
I’ve always love how this movie starts out. Going from a sepia tone to colour. In fact, I haven’t watched the digitally remastered version and I have to say that they did a really good job.
Butch and Sundance have just finished off a job and are celebrating in a brothel. Isha got really excited…
Isha: I KNEW there’s be old-time whores in this movie!
Jorge: Versus what, new-time future whores?
This movie is amazing. What’s strange, though, is that you could never apply the same formula to a modern movie. Maybe that’s what makes this a classic.
A lot of jokes were made about this being the precursor to Brokeback Mountain due to the closeness of Butch and Sundance. Cathy came up with a pretty hilarious line…
Cathy: Could you imagine if these two actually made a porn together? That would be the best selling porn ever!
Crap, we just had a blown fuse for the first time in our run!
After a few minutes we’re back on schedule.
The Verdict
This movie is awesome. It has one of the best endings of all times. This movie is definitely one that you could watch a few times. I mean, any movie with Cloris Leachman as an old hooker is a winner in my books!
Dave Cassidy and the Sundance Jorge make their final stand.
Click to enlarge…
Joe Cassidy and the Sundance Chris get ready to escape the posse.
14:17 – Lifeboat
Our first true black and white movie and the oldest of the bunch. Constance Porter is currently smoking cigarettes and then throwing them into the ocean. She also seems to be resistant to all forms of dirt.
During one of the scenes, after picking up a bunch more people, Constance is using her typewriter…
Isha: Is she using her typewriter?
Rebecca: She’s blogging. Old-time blogging.
Wow. For an old movie the special effects are pretty good. The issues that are dealt with are pretty serious as well. Lots of moral quandries.
The Verdict
The movie was really compelling. There were a lot of really great moments. The struggle of humanity away from humanity. I would highly recommend this movie to anyone.
Rebecca comforts Chris. How long will it take to be rescued?
Click to enlarge…
Jorge checks attendance. But what is he missing?
16:25 – The Iron Giant
This is one of the best animated movies of all time. I’ve seen it a number of times, and Mrs. J actually didn’t mind this movie so much.
She has high standards.
The Iron Giant is the story of an alien robot that crashes on Earth and befriends a little guy named Hogarth. It’s a story about outcasts and understanding. The animation is really great, and the voice work is great.
We tried to figure out the different actors that participated…
Jorge: Is that robot Brad Garrett?
Sarah & Rebecca: Vin Diesel.
Jorge: Really?
Sarah: Yeah.
Jorge: Wow. Cool. They even have the same hair.
The Verdict
If you ever want a good family movie that’s not too “kiddy”, this is your movie. Not only are there powerful lessons, it can be awesomely upbeat and ends in a way that’s powerful and moving. I know that when Baby J is old enough, she will be watching this movie with us.
The Iron Giant has the whole world in his hand. Or just Dave.
Click to enlarge…
The scientists create a new Iron Giant. Unfortunately it’s not as cool as the first one.
18:07 – Glengarry Glen Ross
This movie doesn’t sound like the most exciting prospect. The machinations behind the real estate business? Oooooooh!
However, with such a stellar cast, it will most likely be an amazing film. So far, Jack Lemmon, Ed Harris, Al Pacino, Kevin Spacey? Holy smackerel!
Some of the lines in this movie are hilarious, for instance…
You ever take a dump made you feel like you’d just slept for twelve hours?
Gold. Solid gold.
Man, I watch these guys work, and they are slicker than oiled eels. It really gets you wondering about how low some people can go.
The Verdict
It’s a depressing movie. It doesn’t end well at all. Even though it did. You have to watch it to know what I’m talking about. I wish that we counted how many times they used the word fuck in this movie. I can safely say that the number of times they said fuck is much higher than the number of people that died in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.
A professional Real Estate meeting.
Click to enlarge…
Some of the boys in Real Estate, discussing things politely.
20:20 – Hard Core Logo
This is an interesting mocumentary about a punk band on a last-ditch tour of Western Canada. Mockumentaries are pretty cool, so I’m looking forward to it.
It’s well done. It’s raw and honest (if you can call a work of fiction honest). The characters take you through a series of emotions. Sometimes you hate them, sometimes you love them. It’s like watching a car ride?
The Verdict
Not too bad as far as movies go. I don’t know if I would bother seeing it again, but I am glad that I did. The music was pretty good and the acting was pretty awesome. The ending was…interesting.
Meet Softcore Diagram.
Click to enlarge…
United we stand, divided we entertain the hell out of everyone.
22:10 – The Oh in Ohio
This movie is all about the Big O. If you don’t know what that is, I’ll take a sec and wait for you while you Google it.
Back? Good.
This movie is about disfunctional relationships and the healing thereof. There are some pretty hilarious moments in a film dealing with an awkward topic.
Jack: Are you eighteen?
Kristen: I think you mean the age of consent, which is sixteen.
Dave: Too bad you’re twelve.
Shelley: And still full of the clap
[Jack runs into Kristen's father at the video store.]
Mr. Taylor: The world needs more teachers like you.
Dave: I mean, you’re no Danny DeVito…
Rebecca: He’s like a big teddy bear.
Dave: Yes!
Shelley: He’s like a big teddy bear inside.
Dave: YES!
Wow. This movie actually has a Danny DeVito montage! I don’t know if it’s awesome or horrible.
The Verdict
Well, this movie did not turn out the way that I thought it would. I think we were all genuinely surprised by this story. I have to say that I’m not sure if I like the message this movie conveys. Ah well. It was still a good watch. Awkward moments aplenty, but good. The lesson? No matter how hard you work at something, you will get fugged over by Danny DeVito.
What we named our eyenas.
Click to enlarge…
One of the love scenes that was cut from the movie.
23:57 Dolemite
We’ve been trying to get this movie for four years. For some reason nowhere seems to carry this. So far we’re not even ten minutes into the movie and it might be giving Glengarry Glen Ross a run for it’s money in the fuck department.
There is no way in hell this movie can possibly be taken seriously.
Isha: There’s something about the way they block their scenes that reminds me of the way we block our scenes when we do our videos.
Dave: What? Like they only had fifteen minutes?
Isha: Yeah. We’re on a schedule here!
Wow. Now we’re about twenty minutes in and we have a very realistically portrayed massage parlour scene. It’s interesting that their fight scenes are so unrealistically done compared to their massage parlour scenes.
There are a lot of scenes of absolutely nothing in this movie. It’s like they kept the camera rolling at all times. Also, the fact that the boom mic is hanging down in most of the scenes is also all kinds of awesome.
The Verdict
I feel dirty that we bought this movie. Somehow our quest seems empty. But, it was funny. Shelley pointed out that her favourite parts were when Dolemite was rapping. I would have to agree. Rudy Ray Moore’s line delivery is horrible unless he’s ‘preachin’.
Davemite.
Click to enlarge…
Davemite goes for a job interview.
02:25 – Audition
Our first horror movie of the night, this one promises to be much better than last year’s selection. There is apparently going to be a lot of gore and blood, but nothing so far and we’re twenty minutes in.
Dave: This movie needs more torture or I’m not going to make it.
The movie is moving slowly and feels like a romantic comedy more than anything else. But inside information indicates that this is all going to change soon.
The shit was just scared out of Isha, which scared the crap out of the rest of us. Dave is now awake. The movie has shifted into the realm of the creepy. The tension was built for a while and now that the first little shocker is out of the way they’re building it up again.
[One of the characters just settled down for a drink out of a bottle in his own house (which has obviously been tampered with).]
Dave: This tasted like burlap, dog and extra tongue. Damn this is good Bourbon!
Now the movie is even worse than I thought it could ever be.
[The horrible woman is now cutting of this poor guy's feet after shoving needles in his eyes.]
Dave: What the hell could ever top this?
The Verdict
What. The. Hell.
Isha is replacing her lucky rabbit’s foot.
Click to enlarge…
When you order and receive a Dave-In-a-Sack™, you have to make sure it’s dead.
04:34 The Mist
Ah, Stephen King. It’s been a while since I’ve watched anything by him. The last book I read was the last of the Dark Tower trilogy.
This is a sort of Lord of the Flies type of movie. Everyone is stuck outside of their normal routines and trapped together. On top of it all the threat of the mist is looming outside.
This movie contains a reference to brass balls. Our second tonight.
A lot of this movie is horribly unbelievable, but at the same time it makes me feel sick. Especially how it ends.
The Verdict
Wow. This movie was awesome. But at the same time I hate how it goes. I HATE IT. I’m glad I watched it, but I feel really, really bad for the main character. Like…sick to my stomach bad.
The aftermath of Dave’s charity-based rampage.
Click to enlarge…
It’s always good to pay your debts.
07:05 Tremors
Nothing like washing away the horror from our eyes by using a comedy thriller. It’s been a while since I’ve seen this movie, but in the first few minutes some of the cheese is flooding back.
This movie is so cheesy it can’t possibly be scary to anyone older than the age of eight. Currently Kevin Bacon and his compatriots are busy pole-vaulting across the barren countryside. So ridiculous.
Ooooh! A jazz-hands death! Sweet!
I’ve dozed off a few times during this movie. It’s not that it’s not exciting. It’s just…uh…meh. It’s not really that exciting.
The Verdict
Cheese-filled cheese croissants with cheese on top. A fun romp, for most. A cult following? Not for me though.
Joe is about to get his hair styled by Graboids.
Click to enlarge…
Joe and Isha get attacked by the Graboids. Look how worried they are!
08:55 Delirious
This is a first. A stand-up comedy act. It should be interesting due to when this was filmed. Rather than being a self-contained story, this piece is specific to the 80’s, so Eddie would lay all kinds of bombs that would make people feel really uncomfortable if he did that same kind of humour today.
This movie brings back a lot of memories of listening to Dr. Dimento and the Sunday Night Funnies on CHUM FM.
This movie is all swearing and crazy opinions. It’s pretty entertaining.
The Verdict
It’s awesome to watch just because of the time period it takes place in. Things have really changed over the last few years. A lot of Eddie’s stuff is hilarious just because of his incredible delivery. The guy just oozes confidence.
We Made It!
So we made it (sort of). Dave made it all the way through. Chris and I nodded off for a few minutes during Tremors. But, like troopers, we did pretty good as a team. A big thanks to everyone for hospitality, electronics, equipment and food.
The crew at the end of the night.
Click to enlarge…
Dave’s Side of the Story
You can check out Dave’s posts…
Here is Lorna’s version.
Click here and here for Rebecca’s account.
If you would like to see the bloopers from this year’s antics you can click here.
November 16, 2008 at 11:02 pm
Congrats to all the marathoners. Know that I was with you in spirit. Sometimes my spirit was asleep, but it was still with you.
Also, you must know a lot about massage parlours to make a comment about the realism of the one in Dolemite. Just sayin’
November 17, 2008 at 2:09 pm
[...] Pre-Emptive Strike [...]
November 18, 2008 at 12:34 am
Okay fella, here’s how you’re awesome when it comes to these videos. Voices. The rest of us have three, and these are: normal voice, angry voice, and loud voice. You’ve got impressions (Jean-Claude Van Damme, Danny Devito), accents (British Interview Guy, Random Thug), and sounds in general (frustrated parkour chaser, giant robot). There’s also the big saves, giving us an ending for Glengarry Glen Ross and Dolemite. Then there’s just the random bits you throw in. Five and five! Spin around like the Exorcist! It’s okay, it’s okay–we don’t have to go in this room (which can also be listed under saves.)
Point being, you’re fucking hilarious, man.
November 18, 2008 at 9:52 am
You are most kind, my friend. However, I can’t take credit for random thug. That was all you, brother.
November 18, 2008 at 12:25 pm
Crap. Not that random thug, this random thug. And I also appreciate your willingness to pee on my rug, too.
November 18, 2008 at 7:30 pm
[...] nomination and selection committee [1] deserve a round of applause. Also, mad propz to Jorge for liveblogging the whole damn thing [...]
November 19, 2008 at 3:53 pm
Wow, you peed on Dave & Sarah’s rug! What a nice friend you are, they’re very lucky.
You asked for my fav: Death Race 2000 made me laugh out LOUD. Dude, you made me el oh el.
So, Death Race 2000, and Graboids… Or no! The Mist! (And yeah, techinically “Tremors” is what I meant by Graboids, but Graboids is way funnier.)
November 7, 2009 at 11:18 am
[...] little dude, we’re proceeding with the 2009 Movie Marathon. Even though we already pre-emptively did it, we don’t care. We are [...]