The result is that I try to give only as much as I could lose without feeling bad — the reality is I “waste” money regularly: buying a pack of gum, or not clipping coupons, or not checking expiration dates, unnecessary driving, renting alcohol, buying outside my community. If instead I give a small amount to someone else, I can think of it not as a waste because it bought me good feelings.

If I have change, and someone asks for monetary help, I trust my gut and don’t look back. If I give a buck or two, I assume they will buy cigarettes or worse, and that for some reason unfathomable to me, it really is a need to them. I guess that’s my defense mechanism.

Also, I want to work against forces that desensitize me — whether it’s violence in the media or people trying to take advantage of me. I would rather give a little occasionally than lose hope in people.

Also, giving in other, more certain ways, like being involved in charities and giving at church, helps me.

Anyway, that came out of a lot of philosophizing after one time I got schooled in a similar incident. What I’m still philosophizing: if I give to feel better, is it any kind of generosity?

Giving money to panhandlers – I’m more likely to give money to a busker than to someone rattling a paper coffee cup at me; like you, I’d rather buy them “something” (as in coffee or a sandwich or a bottle of water). Up here, it’s not a huge issue, especially at this time of year, but I am happy to direct people to the proper agency in town when they come into my place of work asking for change.

Also, no, I don’t think it’s wrong for you to not want to give money to homeless people. It’s tricky. In a way, even if they don’t buy booze, you are likely enabling their way of life. On the other hand, who’s to say if they’re genuinely trying for a better life?

I don’t give change because I do not have money to spare. But if I did, I would definitely NOT give them change. I would, however, just buy them the booze myself. And hang out with them when they drink it.

If you had the specific intention of feeding that person or clothing them, then your usual action of giving them “things” is a better way to help them. But even that doesn’t guarantee that they will do what YOU want them to. They could sell those “things” you gave them and use the money for whatever detrimental habit they choose.

While their choice is saddening and disappointing, it is still their choice. You can’t be angry at someone for making a choice for themself. Be angry that these con men are giving the truly needy and those that actually want the help a bad name. Be angry that our social assistance programs aren’t working as well as they could. Hell, be angry that our tax dollars are being wasted on these programs if you want….or be angry at yourself for taking that chance.

In any case, my answer to your question: No, I don’t think it’s wrong for you not give out change anymore. If you feel badly about not helping people in this way, then donate to a charity for the homeless or put in some volunteer time at a shelter (I know you’re short on time, but I’m just putting the option out there).
I almost never give out change, but like you I have given “things”. I’ll give food to someone on the street (I’ve actually had someone refuse food I offered too), I donate clothing and items I no longer have use for to local charities.